Sunday, April 19, 2009

A Modern Mothers Guide to Puking in Public

Read on and this will make sense...

WARNING. Do not read if you don't want to read about puke.

Well I've been wanting to write down all my "advises" down about morning sickness. I was puking for pretty much my whole pregnancy. Not just nausea, but puking 40-100 times a day for the first five months.


Here are the things that DID NOT work:

Saltines and Ginger Ale. ( I know every one is being thoughtful in their advices but I was so annoyed with everyone telling me to eat these things and that I would feel better.)

Zofran

Phenergine

Ginger of any kind

Paypaya tablets

and my favorite, "Just don't think about it...it's in your head."




Here are things that made it bearable:
#1-Sitting by the toilet with a bottle of gatorade. I would drink and puke, drink and puke, drink and puke.
Benifit of this is that at least you are not just puking bile.

#2-PRODUCE BAGS!- I discovered this the hard way. For some reason, produce made me ill as can be. Just looking at it that is. So one time early on, I was walking through and knew that I could not make it to the bathroom. So I grabbed a produce bag and...it worked great! I tied a knot in it and threw it in my purse (I would dispose of it after leaving the store), I then grabbed a roll of them for the rest of my grocery shopping trip. I soon carried them everywhere to me. They are strong, do not leak, are easy to carry and they're free! Well sort of...
I remember one time puking at the grocery store into a produce bag. My sister and her best friend were there and the look on their faces was priceless. Actually people do look at you strangly when you are constantly puking and throwing bags of it in your purse.

#3-Sea Bands
These are for motion sickness but they sort of worked for me. I think they lessened the puking but certainly did not stop it.

#4-Cups
Large filling station cups are perfect for in the car. I would just puke into it and then set it back in my cup holder until another wave hit me. At the end of each car trip, I would empty it and wash it out. Gross I know but very practical.
Also people look strangly at you when you are at a light and are puking into a cup.

#5-Never sit at a restaurant far away from the bathroom. Just don't.

#5 1/2- I always hated going to restaurants knowing that I was paying to throw up. Don't worry, just ask yourself, "What is the cheapest thing I can throw up?"

#6- Do not eat blueberries if you are feeling sick. This and bread are the worst things to puke. And I know.

#7-Noodles are the best thing to puke.

#8-Just tell people you're pregnant!
A pregnancy book that I was reading said if people looked at you funny while getting sick in public, just tell them you're drunk. In my opinion, I'd rather be pregnant than drunk.

#9-Hang on because it's worth it!

Here is the evidence. Totally worth it!


And here are three things that you can do to REALLY help a pregnant friend out:
Clean out their fridge
Clean their toilet, since they are constantly there.
and cook for their poor starving husband.

5 comments:

  1. Ha! #6 and #7 are the best. No one would ever take the time to figure that out, and you learned against your will, but in the process improved all our lives. Can you expand on why bread and blueberries are the worst?

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  2. you are a trip... bless your heart is all I can say. Sea bands were my best friend the first 3 months!!

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  3. LOL Helen Joy, I love that you've carried your trademark sense of humor into your marriage & mommyhood. I miss you a lot. LOVED this blog!

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