Full Circle Moments

OK. It's midnight and I cannot sleep. I've been trying for hours and I cannot sleep. I just picked my crying baby out of the crib (very gladly) and had a sweet time nursing him and just covering him in prayers for tomorrow.

I figured that instead of laying in bed and think of all the things that could go wrong...I would do a little post that I've been wanting to do for a couple of weeks.

So here goes...

Lately I have had so many "full circle moments".

The first being when I took my son Barclay for his first swim at the Bonclarken pool. It was the most out of body experience I've ever had. I think some of my earliest memories have to have been at this pool. I swam the entire length of it at 4 years old and was able to swim in the deep end. I met my husband here. I've just spent some of my happiest summers in this pool.

I remember the excitement of getting ready to go to the pool. It seemed like it took forever to get all my sisters into the car, put on sunscreen, wait for the sunscreen to dry (worst part), and drive on over to the pool.

It was so crazy to go to the pool with my son. I was the one putting on his sunscreen. I was the one making sure he was safe and happy. I was the Mom.

I was shaking as I showed up and saw other Mom's lined up under the new canopy (which by the way, last year made no sense to me...but with my new "mom eyes" I saw a respite from the sun, a very welcome place). I couldn't believe that I belonged there with other Mom's of all ages. I couldn't quite get over that just a few years ago (it seems) I was with my mom and was one of the children.

The craziest thing is that my Mom showed up (with her 5 year old twins...yes my Mom has 5 year old twins!). All of a sudden I was in a category that included my own mother.

The weirdest thing was that I ended up in the baby pool with two of my friends and their babies. I looked over the fence to the "other side". I saw my mom watching me and being the totally empathetic, emotional person I am...I FELT her "mourning". I could feel it in her eyes. It was like she was watching a ship sail off into the horizon, knowing she'll never sail on it again. It was so weird to watch her, watch me (her baby) in a place that she was...and actually still is. She even said to us, "I guess that's where all the new mom's hang out. The old Mom's hang out on this side." *Mom, if you're reading this, I don't mean to read your mind, but this is what I was feeling that you might be feeling.

I must say, again. I've always wanted to be a mom. It's just been my goal in life. I am still figuring out how to fit in with other moms. I feel like an intruder, or a spy. I feel like I don't belong...yet. It's getting there.

Another full circle moment I've had was last night. Noah, Barclay and I headed to Charlotte, NC to celebrate my friend Aurora's birthday. We ate at PF Changs which is beyond delicious! It was so weird to sit there with them. Aurora and her husband Spencer were are first "couple friends". We lived in the same apartment complex together. Our bathrooms shared one thin wall and we could pretty much hear every part of each other's daily lives. We became very close to them and spent many double date nights together.

One date night in particular was one of my favorite memories. We were POOR. I mean, we literally had no money. Either of us. We wanted SO much to go to the movies with our husbands and to go to MOES for dinner. So Aurora was very resourceful and we decided we would sell cookies in the college dorms. I made the cookies. We then purchased a gallon of milk at the dollar general. We knocked on every door in one dorm selling cookies and a glass of milk. We made enough money to buy four Moo Moo Mister Cow Burritos and 4 matinee tickets...with coins of course. It was such a fun date. We were young and free and had a wonderful time together.

Here we were four years later, and we had two precious babies joining our group. Cameron is 15 months old and SUCH a cutie, and little Barclay...her future husband:-)

So we had a nice dinner, complete with Aurora and I rocking our babies on our hips in the middle of the restaurant to keep them quiet. After eating, we rushed off to the mall for 15 minutes of shopping-since Aurora and I LOVE to shop together and haven't for almost a year:-( We of course found deals in that 15 minutes... Then we sat outside the mall in the warm summer air, watching the teenagers skateboard by while texting...and we talked about how full circle we have come.

It's truly a blessing to have friends who stick by you through the circle. We had just as much fun-or more last night than we ever have.

Just some rambling stories that I had to share:-)

Tough Day Tomorrow

Tomorrow is going to be a really tough day for me. I get all teary eyed when I think about it. I have to wake up by 4:30, drive to Asheville in time for 6am. They will take Barclay back, we'll put a little hospital gown on him, then they put an IV in and put him to sleep. Then they take him AWAY FROM ME! The are just doing and Endoscopy, which is a camera down the throat, into the stomach, and into the small intestines. It's not serious, BUT to me, putting a baby to sleep seems pretty serious to me.

My mind is racing...

What if he reacts to the anesthesia and I'm not there to...to...well I guess my presence would not help in a life threatening circumstance.

What if he wakes up and he can't find me...what if it hurts...

All these things just bring tears to my eyes. And the thought of my full of life, bouncing baby boy drugged up and put to sleep just makes me want to throw up.

He'll be away from me for about an hour. That is going to be a very hard hour. I must admit, I'm not a long winded prayer. I just get distracted after pretty much the first five minutes. But I cannot imagine doing anything else but being on my knees in prayer for my baby.

I KNOW this is what needs to happen, this is what I've been fighting for. I want to know what's wrong so I know how we can go about fixing it and becoming pain free. But it doesn't make this experience any easier.

I know I'm being melodramatic, but this procedure tomorrow really makes me feel like, if anything were to ever happen to Barclay, I feel I would die. I really feel like I would loose the ability to breath or function.

I know God is in control. I know my life is not based on one little life but on God and His perfect plan. But my goodness, the love I have for him is just enormous.

If you think about it tonight, please pray for Barclay and the doctors that:

1.They will find what is causing the pain.

2.It will be quick and painless.

3.That Noah and I (and the Grandparents) will have peace and be calm.

4.That Barclay will not scream for the 7 hours he has to be without food.

5.That they will give us the results quickly and we can go about figuring out how to get Barclay pain free.

Thank you. SO many people pray for us and for Barclay and I just feel covered in prayer by all our friends and family. I can't even thank ya'll enough.

I also want to say how thankful I am that Barclay is, other than this stomach pain, a healthy baby. In going to ALL these doctors appointments, hospital tests, children's clinic appointments, I have seen so many children who are so sick. Children who may not ever be able to be normal and have a healthy life. My heart aches for those parents and the pain they must feel every day for their children.

My Bedroom

It's Show Us Where You Live Friday!

Welcome to my bedroom:-)
I actually did a post about this right before Kelly started Show Us Where You Live Fridays. I don't want to be monotonous...or clean again:-) So here are the links to see it:
BEFORE/aka disaster area (scroll down a little bit to see the bedroom part)

After

The Hunt

So yesterday Noah, Barclay and I headed back from Florida on a 10 plus hour trip. We were exhausted mentally, emotionally, physically, and I 95 is SO boring! In the first hour we had to stop 3 times for:

-a baby who was hardly breathing because of crying so much

-a dirty diaper

-gas (the car, not Barclay)

One thing I have noticed with myself is that especially on trips (and ok every day), I'm always thinking about the next meal. Immediately when we get on the road, I ask Noah what he feels like for dinner. Because it is the only oasis in this long 10 hour trip. I wanted to think about it and get excited about it. Immediately we both felt like a good pizza with veggies on it. So we start looking on our GPS. This suddenly turns into an obsession and we send the next 2 1/2 hours looking up places on our phones, the GPS. We called about 15 places. We were considering even going off the highway 10 minutes for this one place! (Crazy when our arrival time was supposed to be 2 am already). It became completely out of hand. By this time Barclay was sleeping in the back for 2 hours (Praise the Lord!). We finally decided on an Express Pizza Hut. Mostly because the other options were too far away and our tummies were ready for pizza. So we finally pulled off on the exit and see a Chinese place right in front of us. We look at each other and at the same time say, "Chinese?". We almost went for it but we decided to stick with Pizza. We pulled in and got Barclay out to feed him. He wasn't too happy about that. We walk in and it is HORRIBLE. The little ready to go pizzas had a time on it that they were made and had been sitting there for over an hour. So Noah made the decision that we were going to eat at the Chinese place. So we put our very upset baby back in the car and drive to the Chinese place. First warning should have been the lack of creative name. It was called China 1. We went in and I started feeding Barclay. The buffet was SO awful. Beyond gross Chinese awful. The broccoli was actually black. Nothing looked appetizing. They didn't have Chinese donuts! Which are always the fix all to a bad Chinese meal. It was truly awful and Noah and I were SO upset that after so many hours of thinking and planning, we ended up with THAT. Yuck! Noah said, "Hey HJ, it's not so bad. They have fruit." I ran up there to find canned peaches and old watermelon. Worst Chinese restaurant ever. Best time cracking up with my husband ever. It was even worse when we got the bill and realized that we actually had to pay for that inedible stuff. We didn't complain because we were in a rush and because several people there WERE enjoying it. I seriously laughed and cried for like an hour at how after 2 plus hours to plan, we ended up with the worst place. I HATE fast food, but seriously I would have gladly switched my meal there with Wendy's any day.

Plus side of the day. We did get a fortune cookie.

Gender Identity

Noah, Barclay and I picked up everything yesterday morning very early and rushed off to Florida ( a 10-12 hour trip) because Noah's Grandfather is very sick. He's been in the hospital for almost a week and is not doing very well. We have been meaning to come visit his Grandparents for the past two years! But it just never happened:-( I'm so glad we made the decision to come, because neither of them have ever seen Barclay and they are just doing awful health wise. It would have been horrible if they never got to meet our baby.

In the midst of the sadness...there is Noah's Grandmother. Mema. I seriously have laughed all day because she is so hilarious...even though she doesn't know she is.
She has extreme alzheimer's. It's a horrible disease, but man does it make for some good entertainment.

These are a few things that happened last night and today:

The funniest of all is that she calls Barclay a little GIRL.

"You are just the cutest little girl...
You are just the sweetest little girl....
I love you little girl...
SHE is smiling at me!
SHE is sticking out her tongue at me.
SHE loves me..."
ETC.

You get the idea. We laughed and laughed at first, and kept reminding her that it was not a girl, but a boy. But after hours and hours of it, we just stopped correcting her.

We were in line at the hospital cafe and the guy checking us out was watching Mema talk to Barclay( who was wearing a blue fire truck outfit), "You are the sweetest little girl...etc." I looked up at him and he was utterly confused.
"It's actually a boy, she thinks it's a girl." I said.
He was so relieved I wouldn't dress a girl in a blue firetruck outfit.

The funny thing is that I have started calling Barclay a SHE and a girl all day. I better watch out or I might try to put a bow in his hair. Poor girl...I mean BOY:-)

Here are a few other funny things:

*She told me today. "you look just like me when I was young...not pretty, but not ugly either!"

Thanks...

*I was breastfeeding in front of her in the waiting room. It was just us and my boob was out. She thought it was the craziest thing and said,
"You better put that thing up before some of these old people get out of bed."

*She suggested we name Barclay "Andy" instead of Barclay. She thought it was an awful name and said it wasn't too late to change it.

*She ( along with a lot of children) was horrified at my nose ring.
"WHAT is in your nose?!"
My answers have been.
"Noah thinks it's sexy."
"Noah hooks a leash into it and leads me wherever he wants."
"They did it to me when I was little and I can't get it out."
"I'm trying to be exotic."

*She is an "expert" at all things makeup and hair...at least she thinks. She's tried to get me to cut my hair short and perm it for years. It really bothers her that I have no style, don't wear make up, and wear silver jewelry/ aka earrings. She talks to me like I'm a very sad little girl who is ugly and has no idea what to do.

My fashion makeover plan.

Part my hair in the middle. Clip each side back with a rhinestone pin.
Pinch my cheeks to make them red, wear pink lipstick.
Fill in the outsides of my eyebrows with dark black pen. Extend my eyeliner about an inch to the sides in a curl...ala Cleopatra.

Don't worry. I think I'm beautiful and she actually was pretty gentle about the changes this year. It was actually kind of sweet.

*I was wearing a shirt that the top two buttons aren't on it. On purpose. She was completely shocked that it was made that way.
"Why?" She asked.
"So I can show a little chest.
"Why didn't any one tell me about this?!?!" She asked.
She was sad she was missing out.

*This is funny/embarrassing/awful.
Mema was singing all kinds of jingles while bouncing Barclay on her knee. Songs about banging on a big base drum, and washing your neck... Right in the middle of a song about a one man band, she said a series of Cuss words. Really loud. In the hospital. And then kept singing about the one man band. I completely fell out of my seat. I couldn't believe what just came out of her mouth. It didn't even phase her, but it did phase the other people around us.

I'll be back tomorrow with more stories. Because there will be a lot of them.

Well I better go put my little girl down for bed;-)

I just have to brag...

on my husband.

I have to admit, this whole baby thing had me worried. Noah was happy...not thrilled when I announced to him that I was pregnant. It wasn't until labor actually started that I began to feel like he was really excited. Once the baby got here, he was in awe and couldn't stop talking about the miracle of birth! Seriously, he would tell anyone who would listen how he got to hold my leg and was right there....It was pretty funny.

I've seen him as he learns what to do with infants:

-The first time Barclay spit up, Noah freaked out and ran him over to the sink so Barclay could throw up. All the time yelling, "Help help help!".

I laughed and gently showed him what a burp cloth was for!

-He googled everything I did for Barclay to make sure it was the right thing. The first time I went to bathe him, he google bathing an infant and very worriedly explained to me that "infants can become slippery when wet!"

The first time I left Barclay with Noah (at three months old), Noah had a complete freak out. I was doing a photo shoot and he couldn't get Barclay to drink his milk and was practically crying and begging me to come home. It was that day that he really got a hold on how hard this mother thing can be.

Noah had to watch Barclay that same night for another photo shoot and he actually called my sister who lived 2 hours away and paid her to come help him.

I thought it was ridiculous and was sort of sad my own husband didn't feel like he could take care of our baby!

We've had extreme highs and extreme lows dealing with parenting. Most of the lows are in complete sleep deprivation and end in hurtful words.

But I want to say how proud I am of my husband today. He has selflessly gotten up around 6:30 every morning and walked 2 miles with Barclay. I'm proud of him that he has the stamina to do it every morning and get some good exercises. It also allows me to get an hour or sometimes more of blissful uninterrupted sleep.

I'm proud of him because even though he's a real estate agent in this recession (people always give us such sad faces when they find out what he does), he has worked HARD and has not accepted that his business was going to suffer. He has done awesome this year with the most sales he's ever done! He is a quality realtor that genuinely cares for his clients and never compromises that for a sale. God has blessed him so much and I'm so proud of how far he's come the past couple of years. I am so PROUD of him and how well he provides for our little family.

I am also proud of him because I now can leave Barclay with him and not have a second thought about his care. I feel like Noah knows what he needs and is the second best (only to me) caretaker that Barclay can have. I love to see him so relaxed as he takes care of him.

I have a 10 plus hour wedding to photograph today and although I'm sad I have to leave little Barclay for most of the day and night, I am so thrilled to leave him with his Father who I know will enjoy him and take wonderful care of him!

Thank you Noah for being such a good Husband, Daddy, and Provider for us!

Room of Doom-My Laundry Room:-)

My before picture!

Yikes!  my poor husband was SO thankful when I told him today was Show Us Where You Live Friday it was laundry rooms.  He's so cute and actually wanted me to get Kelly's address so he could personally write her a thank you note for all the cleaning I've been inspired to do!

I have a HORRIBLE habit of doing laundry all at one time and it ends up looking like this.  My husband comments to me all the time how backwards it is.  The clean laundry is on the floor (which I do sweep), and the dirty is in the laundry baskets!  I don't know how it gets like that, especially because every time I get ready to do it, I swear I'm going to do it right.  Stuff comes up though!  I'm also known for doing the wash and forgetting to put it in the dryer.

I used to use this mirror to make sure I looked hot before going places, now I use it to make sure I have no spit up or poop on me, or to check and make sure I didn't lactate all over myself:-)

We painted it a fresh beachy aqua, my little bit of the beach.  Now I must say, I really dislike doing laundry.  REALLY.  But I have had SO many apartments, houses, etc. in my life that I would have to go elsewhere to do laundry.  So even though I've been in this house for nearly 2 years, EVERY time I do laundry, I thank the Lord when I'm putting the detergent in.  I seriously do.  I'm so thankful for this wonderful convenience!

This is THE trash can that inspired my entire freshman college dorm room:-)  It's cracked in the bottom but I still use it for dryer lint:-)  I remember begging my mom for it in Bed Bath and Beyond.  She was a poor, single mother at that time so $5 was a splurge.  See Mom, I still love it!

This is something I did last week and I'm so proud of it!  I clean a lot of my closets...I know, when my house looks so bad, I go organizing the closets.  I made the closet in this room my project closet.  Now I had one of those in the other room, but as I put everything in there, I recorded it on this pad of paper, that way I don't forget about projects and if I have time, I can get one off the paper.  PLUS, I get to cross stuff off!  Which I love.  I also got rid of projects that I'd been wanting to do for SO long that I no longer want to do them:-)

THE list

Thanks for visiting!

First Feeding

I love his little round face!

Something so new!
Decided to take things into his own hands:-)

Last night we gave Barclay some rice cereal for the first time.  For some reason, I was really emotional about it.  I cried when I bought it at the store and cried before I gave it to him.

I think that it is the fact that he starting to detach from me ever so slightly.  I am no longer enough for all his needs.  I don't think he really ingested any of it, but it made for some cute pictures:-)

Sorry to be repetative...

But I am 

Totally in LOVE with my baby!  

Seriously I can't stand it!  He's teething really bad lately even to the point his gums were bleeding today, so I tried to give him a bath which always calms him down.  He was still screaming and after several minutes, I did what any breast feeding mom would do at this point and I stuck my boob in his mouth.  He finally calmed down and actually fell asleep...naked.  I never put him in a diaper or clothes after his bath!  I didn't want to wake him, so I decided to let him sleep naked.  He was adorable!  I wanted to take a few pictures (tasteful of course), but didn't want to wake him.  I watched him sleep for 30 minutes and all the while thanking the Lord that I am his Mommy.

What's Wrong With Barclay's Tummy (They Think...)

Right now I am feeling 2 very strong emotions. Fear and Joy. Joy for the fact that I feel validated. No one believed me when I said something was wrong with Barclay. He's too healthy looking, he's too chubby, etc. I know he's healthy and chubby and cute, but I KNEW something was wrong.
I had to push and push the pediatrician, I had to push and push to get an appointment with the GI specialist earlier than a month away, I had to push for them to send me there, push for results. And now I feel validated.

This is what they found with the upper GI scan. Well what they didn't find. They were unable to locate the valve that controls acid from the stomach. I don't know exactly what it is called. They said that either:
a.The scan was wrong and there was a mistake made.
b.He has a hernia where part of his stomach is in the chest cavity so the valve is basically not being used because of this.
c.He doesn't have a valve or it is to the side or too small to show up.

Pyloric Stenosis was ruled out.

This is very raw and not very educated, but this is what I heard today from the GI specialist.
He reassured me over and over not to get to worried about it.

So on July 1st we are scheduled at 6 am for an endoscopy to verify what is going on. Then we will have a stomach emptying test (where they put something in his milk to make sure his stomach is emptying correctly). If they tests come back and show that there is a problem with the valve or lack of valve, then surgery is next. Of course surgery is last on my list and last on their list.

I am soooo relieved. I felt like if they told me that the scan was clean, I would just crumple in a ball on the floor and give up. Because maybe I was crazy after all. But I feel validated today that I was a good mommy and never gave up, even though no one believed me.

I'm pretty sure the doctor was in shock with the results. He was constantly saying annoying things like, "You're just faking it for your mama to give her a hard time aren't you? You're too fat to have tummy problems...etc."
Well...Maybe Barclay was supposed to be REALLY fat, and because of this he's just pleasantly plump...who knows Don't judge a baby by his fat rolls! I always say.

I am also feeling fear. Fear after reading about how they have to put him to sleep for the endoscopy, fear about possible surgery, fear about my baby being in even more pain.

All in all, I'm grateful that I persisted and that we are on the road to recovery.

Nighttime Tango

I thought I'd write out what the past 4 months have looked like for me as far as sleep. Mostly because I tell people I'm tired and they say, well all mothers are tired. I understand this, but I think right now I might be in a group of REALLY tired moms. Anyhow...
For those who know me, know I might exaggerate once in a while, to make a story THAT much better. I assure you, there is no need for exaggeration here.

Barclay finally falls asleep at around 8:30. He actually does this pretty easily compared to how HARD it is to get him to nap. I guess his little body knows that he HAS to sleep. Then I usually do something with my husband. Watch a movie, talk about goals, cry, take a bath... I have tried going to bed that early and even in my exhaustion, I cannot do it.
I usually go to bed around 10. Or if we are watching a movie, I usually fall asleep earlier during the movie. I usually lay in bed for like 30 minutes or more thinking about Barclay and actually WISHING he would wake up because I miss him. Isn't this crazy? I'm so tired but sometimes I just can't stand him I want to nurse him and hold him. I know. I'm crazy. I usually fall asleep by 11ish for sure. Around 1 am (sometimes earlier), I hear a very high pitched cry. I jump up, because I have not been asleep for very long. I wait outside his room for about five minutes before going in, just to make sure he's really awake. Then I nurse him and love on him. I ADORE this feeding. I usually just stare down at him and rub his sweet cheeks and think about how much he's growing and changing.
Then I lay him down back in his crib after burping him. About 1 1/2 hours later, I hear him SCREAMING at the top of his lungs, and I go get him, put him in bed with me. Because now I'm tired and frustrated. I hold him upright in a sitting position and he pukes usually and burps a lot. He usually wont stop crying so in absolute survival, I fall sleep nursing him, even though I know that's not why he's crying. He usually kicks at me and arches his back, but finally falls asleep. About an hours later, he cries and I nurse him some more, because by this time I'm a zombie, Then an hour later, same thing. About 6ish he is SCREAMING and no amount of nursing works for him. So I have to wake myself up and get up and walk around with him. He usually is arching his back and screaming. Sometimes going outside helps, but usually I have to force him to be in a sitting position and he finally burps, pukes, and poops all in about 10 minutes. Then I change him and am dismayed that he is fully awake. I'm so tired by this point that I am telling myself to go to bed at 8:30 that night! If I don't feel like jumping out a window, I lay him in bed next to me and talk to him and enjoy his giggles and his sweet cooings. If I do feel like jumping out of a window, I go to Noah and beg him to take him. Noah and I currently sleep in separate rooms. Noah is being tested for sleep apnea (which I am SURE he has) on the 18th and as soon as he doesn't scream/snore/startle every 3 minutes, I will be able to rest with him. I do miss him so much though!

Does Barclay nap? Sometimes. But I always try. Sometimes it takes 30 minutes of crying before he falls asleep in a fit. But usually that only lasts for 20 or so minutes. about twice a week he will sleep a good 2 hours! Heaven! He does nap in the car sometimes.
Do I nap? No. I have far too much to accomplish to nap. Plus I have a really hard time falling asleep to nap, and almost dread it because I know I will not get as much sleep as I want. Naps are frustrating to me. Not quite as frustrating as people who are constantly insisting that I should nap when he naps.

I have taken 5 naps since Barclay was born. 5. I tried to the other day for an hour, but could not fall asleep.

This is so strange since before I had him, I fell asleep in the air as my head was hitting the pillow. Seriously! I also was a grouch if I didn't get at least 8 hours straight of good sleep.

How am I still alive? I have no clue. How am I still semi nice to people? I have no clue. It is God's Grace.

Here's a ridiculous story that happened last week:
I told Noah I would die if I didn't get any sleep that night. He agreed to take care of Barclay and just bring him to me twice to nurse during the night. I was so excited! So I am lying in bed at nine and missing Barclay and wishing he would wake up so I could love on him. It took me 2 hours to fall asleep! Then 30 minutes later I hear a cry. I hear Noah comforting Barclay and rocking him. Barclay was having a really ROUGH time either with teething or stomach issues. I then decided that no matter how tired I was, my baby needed me and I wasn't going to sleep if he needed me anyhow. So I went and got him and took care of him as usual. (Thanks Baby for being willing!).

So sleep is something I crave, but dread.

I hope that explains a little bit of my scatterbrained, random, exhausted mind a little better to ya'll!

Today we are going to the GI specialist and he will HAVE to talk with me and explain the "finding" the doctors at the hospital found in his upper GI tract.
Hopefully, for both our sakes, it will help with this nighttime tango.

Thrifty Finds

So I have totally enjoyed reading Southern Hospitality's Blog. It's so inspirational and I feel like it a meeting ground for people just like me;-)
Last week, I was SO dissapointed because I couldn't particpate, because I had no finds to blog about, because I had no time to go to yardsales or thrift stores. I was determined to find something to blog about and last Monday went to 3 stores and found NOTHING.
Of course Tuesday I found some great stuff and then my partner in thrift store crime, Catherine came into town and we went thrifting some more:-)
So I have a couple things to blog about today:-) Yay!


Cute cotton, seersucker shorts for Barclay. $1.50. Too sweet to pass up for sure! He will look like a little southern gentleman in them!

An adorable purse! I loved it, but since I am probably going to be carrying a diaper bag for the next 10 years:-), I gave it to my sweet friend Catherine. It was too pretty to waste! $3


Cute striped pants for Barclay, brand new for $1.50. I always make sure to pick up anything I see that I like for the older sizes, because I know I'll be thankful I did when the times comes.


I bought this working leap frong "stand up and play thingy". It was $3.50.


Sorry for the finger in the frame, but this is a beautiful seersucker skirt for me! I love it and I can match my son now:-)


The worth of clean, pretty, clear jars is very apparent to me lately. This was gorgeous! I'm pretty sure it's from Pottery Barn or somewhere fancy like that because the glass is thin and it seems very expensive. I was needing something bigger to put cotton balls in, in our bathroom. This was $3.


I ran out of cotton balls, so just for the pictures, I filled it with breast pads...ha!


Why is it that a couple weeks after you search and search for something, do you always find numerous of them? My little Barclay loves excersaucers. I bought one from a friend of my mom's. My husband picked it up for $10 and I never saw it. It is the most boring excersaucer ever made! Nothing to do on it. It was a terrible deal. So I was on the lookout for a fun one. My friend Emily ended up lending me a terrific one! Barclay loves it so much! I found this one at goodwill and am going to sell it on Craigslist, since I saw how much these things go for. This works, is leap frog, and was only $8.50. I'm pretty sure I can at least get $30 for it.

Another view.


I found these awesome vintage dress patterns. I have a sweet cousin who is awesome at sewing so I'm going to send these to her. They are her style, plus they might be really cool to decorate with. $1 each.


This is actually from Michaels. I had a coupon for 50% off. I was just going to buy ribbon so I didn't want to just save a dollar or two. This was regularly like $40, but it was on clearance and with my coupon, it was only $6. I am in love with it!


Favorite find of the week. This beautiful iron magazine rack was $5! Seriously, the people who price things are kind of random. They have the ugliest things for $20 and this beauty for $5? I'll take it. I think I might



A cute dress for my friend's little bun in the oven. The flowers have little buttons in the middle of them:-) Since I don't have a little girl yet (but do have a stash of clothes for whenever I do), I buy cute girl clothes for her!



My makeup bag has a couple holes in it, so I was on the lookout for another one. This was 50 cents and it's nice and roomy, cute and has a handle on it.

My Bathrooms:-)

I have been so extremely busy this past month and have not been able to participate in Kelly's Show Us Where You Live Friday. I was determined to do it this week, even if, for me, it is Show Us Where You Live Sunday:-)


I always do before pictures so no one thinks I'm perfect:-)

Bathroom #1-Our Guest Bath


The baby bathtub, some toys, magazines...




More mess... I would say my house mess is 90% random stuff everywhere!



Poor John and Kate!:-( (see PEOPLE on counter)



And here is after a bit of cleaning...

I love the pop of the white against the green...although White hides NOTHING. These counters are a PAIN to clean and show every hair, every dust, everything!



Above the toilet.





Cute picture of Barclay when he was just teeny tiny!





My precious bird nest and eggs that I LOVE and found at yard sales. I am in love with this cup and soap dispenser! I got them at TJ max a LONG time ago before I even had a house to put them in. Very modern and organic!


Now here are before pictures of our Master Bathroom:


Clothes, luggage, all kinds of random things.


Spilt makeup, and rollers in the sink. Last time I dressed up was ALONG time ago, so it's been a while.


To do list, dirty diaper (yuck I know!) and I'm noticing in this picture it is near my toothbrush. Lovely...

Bathtub with all kinds of random bottles.


Now after A LOT of cleaning:



Again, these beautiful white counters are such a pain to clean! But it looks so pretty! This bathroom was originally a mushroom brown, I like this dark brown a lot better.


Our WONDERFUL storage shelves, I try to not fill them up so I'm ok with some empty ones. It's nice to have all this storage though.

A little painting I did of a lady getting out of the tub.


I know everything looks better in 3s so I couldn't figure out what to put in the 3rd jar. Cotton balls, q tips, and ? SO I filled another one with rocks. I LOVE it! I must admit, I was out of cotton balls, and instead of running to the store on this lay Sunday, I filled it with Breast Pads so you could get the effect. Hehe


A beautiful old vase my friend Rebekah gave to me a couple Christmas's ago! I LOVE it!


My favorite place in the whole house. My calm in the storm. I just have to take a little time to tell you what this bathtub means to me. We have lived in this house for 1 1/2 years and I've only taken 3 showers. The rest have been baths. I take baths at least 2 times a day. I have horrible migraines, and I when I'm in pain, I take a bath, when I'm sad, I take a bath, when I'm overwelmed, I take a bath. I spent hundreds of hours in this bath when I was pregnant. I held my belly and just imagined what life would be like with this new baby. I labored in this tub for about 20 hours before we finally went to the hospital. Now I take baths with my sweet baby. It is truly a special place to me and I'm so thankful for it!


I just figured out to do this today and am so excited about it! I found this cool wine rack at a goodwill in San Fransico for $5 when I traveled California my senior year of college, I carried it all day long in the city and brought it back and had to sacrifice a lot of things to pack it in my luggage. I love it but haven't liked putting our wine in it. So, since I do a lot of my reading in the bathtub, I decided to put magazines in it and also prop my books on it. I think it turned out awesome! I put the bottle I found at goodwill last week in the middle for some color.

Another view.


I decorated with this cool pottery vase we got for our wedding and a painting I did in college of a nude form:-) It's totally my favorite:-) It's nice and hidden from people who might take offense to it in here though:-)


Behind the door is my husband's shower. Since I never shower, I had no clue the condition of the shower. I was pretty horrified when I opened the door. It was BAD! It took me 30 minutes of hard core scrubbing to get it presentable. Kelly was right, glass showers are a pain to keep clean. Thank the LORD for Magic Earasers! They are great.

Thanks for checking out my bathrooms!

Fruit Flies

So I bought some organic produce the other day and from that came a few fruit flies, those had babies, we are on to great great great grandbaby fruit flies now people! They are every where and just when I think I have sent them all to their graves, a whole new generation spikes up.

This is what we have done:
-accidentally left out a cup of juice and discovered fruit flies liked it and ended up drowning in it.
-purposely left out a cup of vinegar to drown them
-this is my favorite: Noah does this 2 times a day. He stands in the middle of the kitchen with the vacuum in the air sucking up the fruit flies! This really cracks me up!

So, any ideas about how to completely eliminate this population? I heard maybe basil?

It's about that time again...

I feel it's about time for one of my weepy, sad posts. So here goes...

I'm so exhausted that I'm beginning to not enjoy being a mother as much as I want to be. This makes me so sad because I know the time is short and every day is a precious gift, but I'm beyond exhausted and also cranky and needy.

Yesterday was just awful, on top of all the tummy problems we're trying to get figured out, Barclay has been teething and a little of his tooth broke through yesterday. Not only did that mean a very fussy baby for pretty much the whole day, but then I got all emotional because I feel like it's the end of an era. Noah and I tried to watch a movie for like 4 hours and it just wasn't working. I couldn't get off the couch I was so tired and Barclay was screaming and the only thing that worked was nursing/aka gumming my nipples.

Barclay cried all day long and I pretty much nursed all day. I'm at the point where when I can't figure out what's wrong, I stick my boob in his mouth. I had to break out the soothie nipple pads I had from the first week because my nipples were completely raw (sorry if this is TMI). I don't feel like I am able to function, I don't feel I'm able to process, to cope with every day life.

My house is a wreck, I am totally behind in phone calls, emails, editing, keeping up with friends...

I am a wreck. I don't know myself when I look in the mirror.

I'm really pretty annoyed with people who say, well all new mother's are tired. This is different. This isn't waking once or twice to feed in the middle of the night. This is barely getting him down by nine, feeding him at 12 and 2. And basically having to hold him for on average 2 hours so he can get his burps, acid, etc out. Then I put him in bed with me for the remainder couple hours and he basically nurses the whole time.
I am getting about 6 hours of INTERRUPTED sleep.

Pre Barclay, I was a 10 hour a night sleeper. Any less and I was grumpy. I am about to jump out a window I'm so tired.
The thing that just ignited my fire t0 write this post was a visit to a GI specialist. I told him how little Barclay slept and how much he cried at night. His solution, sleep with him and just nurse him all night. That isn't fixing the problem. It's just covering it up. Also he told me it was NORMAL for 4 month olds to eat every 2 hours. That means I should be nursing 12 times a day. Yes for newborn, but a 4 month old?

Then I'm being faced with this decision of solid foods. I've heard both arguments about starting them at 4 months vs 6 months. My mom is passionate about wait till six months, so is my mother in law. This child GI specialist, told me that Barclay should already be starting veggies, meats, and cereals. I have no idea what to do and I'm too tired to make any decisions. Giving solid foods and nursing all the time were his solutions for now.

I wish there was a book of laws about raising babies.

Where everything was black and white and we had the answers to everything.

I'm so tired ya'll and I don't see an end in site.

Thank the Lord Noah told me he'd stay up with him tonight so I can get some rest...but I'm his mommy, he's in pain and I want to make it better:-(

Shower Stories

Barclay and I and the Bride:-) Barclay wore his very best outfit.

This past Saturday I got to go to my good friend Bethany's Bridal Shower! It was wonderful to be with her and some other friends from college to celebrate Bethany and her upcoming wedding!
This day brought back a lot of memories about my own bridal showers and the stories are just to funny not to share!

Such as, when I was at a church shower for me and I opened up a box of tall beer glasses. The whole room echoed in a big GASP! It was silent for only a second when I replied,
"Oh these are perfect for me to put my flowers in!"
And a communal exhale followed.

I'm telling you, Bridal showers rock! You get wonderful things to start you new life off with, and you are surrounded by people that love you. But I must say that they can be extremely awkward, especially for people like me who are really into thanking people specifically for gifts.

It's like:
"Oh a plate! I love it! Now I can eat!"
And then you open another plate...
"Perfect! Now I have two plates! Noah and I can eat together!"
Another plate follows...
"Now we can have a guest!"
Yet another plate...
"Now we can have a couple over for dinner!"

You get the picture.

There is only so much you can say about towels and kitchen things.

Then there is the awkwardness that is the double gift! Like when you receive two different coffee makers at the same shower. Everyone looks at you like, what are you going to do so as not to hurt one of the gift giver's feelings.

You say, "Thank goodness! Sometimes I can't make it out of bed for my coffee so I was hoping to put one next to my bed!"

Bethany was very blessed to have received lots of wonderful things off her registery.
I did as well, with the addition of:
about 8 Irish blessings
a patriotic cake stencil
and several other odd gifts.

This is a true story of what happened at a kitchen shower of mine.
Picture this:
My 90 year old neighbor sitting in the very front row examining every gift thoroughly and commenting on how wonderful they were and how she never had anything like that when she was a newly wed.
I then open a present from a random person that ended attending the shower (they shall remain nameless). Out I pull an apron and a "toy". Not a toy for children either! I had no idea what to do! Everyone was looking at me, including the my elderly neighbor who was dying to know what it was. I ended up tossing it behind me and exclaiming that it was part of the packaging or something like that.
It was horrifying!

This shower reminded me so much of my past experiences. There were 4 matriarchal characters sitting on the front row and every item had to be paraded in front of them to see. What fond memories it brought back!

Now that I have experienced a baby shower, I will say that coming up with something to say about sweet baby things is a lot easier!

Congrats Bethany!

Here's a few pictures of the event.

The beautiful bride with her non-flower corsage:-)

She wore her Chacos! Just like her:-)

The happy couple with some humorous shots!

Hehe:-)