Noah, Barclay and I picked up everything yesterday morning very early and rushed off to Florida ( a 10-12 hour trip) because Noah's Grandfather is very sick. He's been in the hospital for almost a week and is not doing very well. We have been meaning to come visit his Grandparents for the past two years! But it just never happened:-( I'm so glad we made the decision to come, because neither of them have ever seen Barclay and they are just doing awful health wise. It would have been horrible if they never got to meet our baby.
In the midst of the sadness...there is Noah's Grandmother. Mema. I seriously have laughed all day because she is so hilarious...even though she doesn't know she is.
She has extreme alzheimer's. It's a horrible disease, but man does it make for some good entertainment.
These are a few things that happened last night and today:
The funniest of all is that she calls Barclay a little GIRL.
"You are just the cutest little girl...
You are just the sweetest little girl....
I love you little girl...
SHE is smiling at me!
SHE is sticking out her tongue at me.
SHE loves me..."
You get the idea. We laughed and laughed at first, and kept reminding her that it was not a girl, but a boy. But after hours and hours of it, we just stopped correcting her.
We were in line at the hospital cafe and the guy checking us out was watching Mema talk to Barclay( who was wearing a blue fire truck outfit), "You are the sweetest little girl...etc." I looked up at him and he was utterly confused.
"It's actually a boy, she thinks it's a girl." I said.
He was so relieved I wouldn't dress a girl in a blue firetruck outfit.
The funny thing is that I have started calling Barclay a SHE and a girl all day. I better watch out or I might try to put a bow in his hair. Poor girl...I mean BOY:-)
Here are a few other funny things:
*She told me today. "you look just like me when I was young...not pretty, but not ugly either!"
*I was breastfeeding in front of her in the waiting room. It was just us and my boob was out. She thought it was the craziest thing and said,
"You better put that thing up before some of these old people get out of bed."
*She suggested we name Barclay "Andy" instead of Barclay. She thought it was an awful name and said it wasn't too late to change it.
*She ( along with a lot of children) was horrified at my nose ring.
"WHAT is in your nose?!"
My answers have been.
"Noah thinks it's sexy."
"Noah hooks a leash into it and leads me wherever he wants."
"They did it to me when I was little and I can't get it out."
"I'm trying to be exotic."
*She is an "expert" at all things makeup and hair...at least she thinks. She's tried to get me to cut my hair short and perm it for years. It really bothers her that I have no style, don't wear make up, and wear silver jewelry/ aka earrings. She talks to me like I'm a very sad little girl who is ugly and has no idea what to do.
My fashion makeover plan.
Part my hair in the middle. Clip each side back with a rhinestone pin.
Pinch my cheeks to make them red, wear pink lipstick.
Fill in the outsides of my eyebrows with dark black pen. Extend my eyeliner about an inch to the sides in a curl...ala Cleopatra.
Don't worry. I think I'm beautiful and she actually was pretty gentle about the changes this year. It was actually kind of sweet.
*I was wearing a shirt that the top two buttons aren't on it. On purpose. She was completely shocked that it was made that way.
"Why?" She asked.
"So I can show a little chest.
"Why didn't any one tell me about this?!?!" She asked.
She was sad she was missing out.
*This is funny/embarrassing/awful.
Mema was singing all kinds of jingles while bouncing Barclay on her knee. Songs about banging on a big base drum, and washing your neck... Right in the middle of a song about a one man band, she said a series of Cuss words. Really loud. In the hospital. And then kept singing about the one man band. I completely fell out of my seat. I couldn't believe what just came out of her mouth. It didn't even phase her, but it did phase the other people around us.
I'll be back tomorrow with more stories. Because there will be a lot of them.
Well I better go put my little girl down for bed;-)