Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Full Circle Moments

OK. It's midnight and I cannot sleep. I've been trying for hours and I cannot sleep. I just picked my crying baby out of the crib (very gladly) and had a sweet time nursing him and just covering him in prayers for tomorrow.
I figured that instead of laying in bed and think of all the things that could go wrong...I would do a little post that I've been wanting to do for a couple of weeks.

So here goes...
Lately I have had so many "full circle moments".

The first being when I took my son Barclay for his first swim at the Bonclarken pool. It was the most out of body experience I've ever had. I think some of my earliest memories have to have been at this pool. I swam the entire length of it at 4 years old and was able to swim in the deep end. I met my husband here. I've just spent some of my happiest summers in this pool.

I remember the excitement of getting ready to go to the pool. It seemed like it took forever to get all my sisters into the car, put on sunscreen, wait for the sunscreen to dry (worst part), and drive on over to the pool.

It was so crazy to go to the pool with my son. I was the one putting on his sunscreen. I was the one making sure he was safe and happy. I was the Mom.

I was shaking as I showed up and saw other Mom's lined up under the new canopy (which by the way, last year made no sense to me...but with my new "mom eyes" I saw a respite from the sun, a very welcome place). I couldn't believe that I belonged there with other Mom's of all ages. I couldn't quite get over that just a few years ago (it seems) I was with my mom and was one of the children.

The craziest thing is that my Mom showed up (with her 5 year old twins...yes my Mom has 5 year old twins!). All of a sudden I was in a category that included my own mother.

The weirdest thing was that I ended up in the baby pool with two of my friends and their babies. I looked over the fence to the "other side". I saw my mom watching me and being the totally empathetic, emotional person I am...I FELT her "mourning". I could feel it in her eyes. It was like she was watching a ship sail off into the horizon, knowing she'll never sail on it again. It was so weird to watch her, watch me (her baby) in a place that she was...and actually still is. She even said to us, "I guess that's where all the new mom's hang out. The old Mom's hang out on this side." *Mom, if you're reading this, I don't mean to read your mind, but this is what I was feeling that you might be feeling.

I must say, again. I've always wanted to be a mom. It's just been my goal in life. I am still figuring out how to fit in with other moms. I feel like an intruder, or a spy. I feel like I don't belong...yet. It's getting there.

Another full circle moment I've had was last night. Noah, Barclay and I headed to Charlotte, NC to celebrate my friend Aurora's birthday. We ate at PF Changs which is beyond delicious! It was so weird to sit there with them. Aurora and her husband Spencer were are first "couple friends". We lived in the same apartment complex together. Our bathrooms shared one thin wall and we could pretty much hear every part of each other's daily lives. We became very close to them and spent many double date nights together.

One date night in particular was one of my favorite memories. We were POOR. I mean, we literally had no money. Either of us. We wanted SO much to go to the movies with our husbands and to go to MOES for dinner. So Aurora was very resourceful and we decided we would sell cookies in the college dorms. I made the cookies. We then purchased a gallon of milk at the dollar general. We knocked on every door in one dorm selling cookies and a glass of milk. We made enough money to buy four Moo Moo Mister Cow Burritos and 4 matinee tickets...with coins of course. It was such a fun date. We were young and free and had a wonderful time together.
Here we were four years later, and we had two precious babies joining our group. Cameron is 15 months old and SUCH a cutie, and little Barclay...her future husband:-)
So we had a nice dinner, complete with Aurora and I rocking our babies on our hips in the middle of the restaurant to keep them quiet. After eating, we rushed off to the mall for 15 minutes of shopping-since Aurora and I LOVE to shop together and haven't for almost a year:-( We of course found deals in that 15 minutes... Then we sat outside the mall in the warm summer air, watching the teenagers skateboard by while texting...and we talked about how full circle we have come.
It's truly a blessing to have friends who stick by you through the circle. We had just as much fun-or more last night than we ever have.

Just some rambling stories that I had to share:-)


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