Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Tough Day Tomorrow

Tomorrow is going to be a really tough day for me. I get all teary eyed when I think about it. I have to wake up by 4:30, drive to Asheville in time for 6am. They will take Barclay back, we'll put a little hospital gown on him, then they put an IV in and put him to sleep. Then they take him AWAY FROM ME! The are just doing and Endoscopy, which is a camera down the throat, into the stomach, and into the small intestines. It's not serious, BUT to me, putting a baby to sleep seems pretty serious to me.
My mind is racing...
What if he reacts to the anesthesia and I'm not there to...to...well I guess my presence would not help in a life threatening circumstance.
What if he wakes up and he can't find me...what if it hurts...
All these things just bring tears to my eyes. And the thought of my full of life, bouncing baby boy drugged up and put to sleep just makes me want to throw up.
He'll be away from me for about an hour. That is going to be a very hard hour. I must admit, I'm not a long winded prayer. I just get distracted after pretty much the first five minutes. But I cannot imagine doing anything else but being on my knees in prayer for my baby.
I KNOW this is what needs to happen, this is what I've been fighting for. I want to know what's wrong so I know how we can go about fixing it and becoming pain free. But it doesn't make this experience any easier.
I know I'm being melodramatic, but this procedure tomorrow really makes me feel like, if anything were to ever happen to Barclay, I feel I would die. I really feel like I would loose the ability to breath or function.
I know God is in control. I know my life is not based on one little life but on God and His perfect plan. But my goodness, the love I have for him is just enormous.
If you think about it tonight, please pray for Barclay and the doctors that:
1.They will find what is causing the pain.
2.It will be quick and painless.
3.That Noah and I (and the Grandparents) will have peace and be calm.
4.That Barclay will not scream for the 7 hours he has to be without food.
5.That they will give us the results quickly and we can go about figuring out how to get Barclay pain free.

Thank you. SO many people pray for us and for Barclay and I just feel covered in prayer by all our friends and family. I can't even thank ya'll enough.

I also want to say how thankful I am that Barclay is, other than this stomach pain, a healthy baby. In going to ALL these doctors appointments, hospital tests, children's clinic appointments, I have seen so many children who are so sick. Children who may not ever be able to be normal and have a healthy life. My heart aches for those parents and the pain they must feel every day for their children.


  1. Thank you for visiting my blog :) Your son is gorgeous, and he will be in my thoughts tomorrow (as well as you and your family).

  2. I hope the scope goes well today. I know it's hard to have things like that done!

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