I feel it's about time for one of my weepy, sad posts. So here goes...
I'm so exhausted that I'm beginning to not enjoy being a mother as much as I want to be. This makes me so sad because I know the time is short and every day is a precious gift, but I'm beyond exhausted and also cranky and needy.
Yesterday was just awful, on top of all the tummy problems we're trying to get figured out, Barclay has been teething and a little of his tooth broke through yesterday. Not only did that mean a very fussy baby for pretty much the whole day, but then I got all emotional because I feel like it's the end of an era. Noah and I tried to watch a movie for like 4 hours and it just wasn't working. I couldn't get off the couch I was so tired and Barclay was screaming and the only thing that worked was nursing/aka gumming my nipples.
Barclay cried all day long and I pretty much nursed all day. I'm at the point where when I can't figure out what's wrong, I stick my boob in his mouth. I had to break out the soothie nipple pads I had from the first week because my nipples were completely raw (sorry if this is TMI). I don't feel like I am able to function, I don't feel I'm able to process, to cope with every day life.
My house is a wreck, I am totally behind in phone calls, emails, editing, keeping up with friends...
I am a wreck. I don't know myself when I look in the mirror.
I'm really pretty annoyed with people who say, well all new mother's are tired. This is different. This isn't waking once or twice to feed in the middle of the night. This is barely getting him down by nine, feeding him at 12 and 2. And basically having to hold him for on average 2 hours so he can get his burps, acid, etc out. Then I put him in bed with me for the remainder couple hours and he basically nurses the whole time.
I am getting about 6 hours of INTERRUPTED sleep.
Pre Barclay, I was a 10 hour a night sleeper. Any less and I was grumpy. I am about to jump out a window I'm so tired.
The thing that just ignited my fire t0 write this post was a visit to a GI specialist. I told him how little Barclay slept and how much he cried at night. His solution, sleep with him and just nurse him all night. That isn't fixing the problem. It's just covering it up. Also he told me it was NORMAL for 4 month olds to eat every 2 hours. That means I should be nursing 12 times a day. Yes for newborn, but a 4 month old?
Then I'm being faced with this decision of solid foods. I've heard both arguments about starting them at 4 months vs 6 months. My mom is passionate about wait till six months, so is my mother in law. This child GI specialist, told me that Barclay should already be starting veggies, meats, and cereals. I have no idea what to do and I'm too tired to make any decisions. Giving solid foods and nursing all the time were his solutions for now.
I wish there was a book of laws about raising babies.
Where everything was black and white and we had the answers to everything.
I'm so tired ya'll and I don't see an end in site.
Thank the Lord Noah told me he'd stay up with him tonight so I can get some rest...but I'm his mommy, he's in pain and I want to make it better:-(