Nighttime Tango

I thought I'd write out what the past 4 months have looked like for me as far as sleep. Mostly because I tell people I'm tired and they say, well all mothers are tired. I understand this, but I think right now I might be in a group of REALLY tired moms. Anyhow...
For those who know me, know I might exaggerate once in a while, to make a story THAT much better. I assure you, there is no need for exaggeration here.

Barclay finally falls asleep at around 8:30. He actually does this pretty easily compared to how HARD it is to get him to nap. I guess his little body knows that he HAS to sleep. Then I usually do something with my husband. Watch a movie, talk about goals, cry, take a bath... I have tried going to bed that early and even in my exhaustion, I cannot do it.
I usually go to bed around 10. Or if we are watching a movie, I usually fall asleep earlier during the movie. I usually lay in bed for like 30 minutes or more thinking about Barclay and actually WISHING he would wake up because I miss him. Isn't this crazy? I'm so tired but sometimes I just can't stand him I want to nurse him and hold him. I know. I'm crazy. I usually fall asleep by 11ish for sure. Around 1 am (sometimes earlier), I hear a very high pitched cry. I jump up, because I have not been asleep for very long. I wait outside his room for about five minutes before going in, just to make sure he's really awake. Then I nurse him and love on him. I ADORE this feeding. I usually just stare down at him and rub his sweet cheeks and think about how much he's growing and changing.
Then I lay him down back in his crib after burping him. About 1 1/2 hours later, I hear him SCREAMING at the top of his lungs, and I go get him, put him in bed with me. Because now I'm tired and frustrated. I hold him upright in a sitting position and he pukes usually and burps a lot. He usually wont stop crying so in absolute survival, I fall sleep nursing him, even though I know that's not why he's crying. He usually kicks at me and arches his back, but finally falls asleep. About an hours later, he cries and I nurse him some more, because by this time I'm a zombie, Then an hour later, same thing. About 6ish he is SCREAMING and no amount of nursing works for him. So I have to wake myself up and get up and walk around with him. He usually is arching his back and screaming. Sometimes going outside helps, but usually I have to force him to be in a sitting position and he finally burps, pukes, and poops all in about 10 minutes. Then I change him and am dismayed that he is fully awake. I'm so tired by this point that I am telling myself to go to bed at 8:30 that night! If I don't feel like jumping out a window, I lay him in bed next to me and talk to him and enjoy his giggles and his sweet cooings. If I do feel like jumping out of a window, I go to Noah and beg him to take him. Noah and I currently sleep in separate rooms. Noah is being tested for sleep apnea (which I am SURE he has) on the 18th and as soon as he doesn't scream/snore/startle every 3 minutes, I will be able to rest with him. I do miss him so much though!

Does Barclay nap? Sometimes. But I always try. Sometimes it takes 30 minutes of crying before he falls asleep in a fit. But usually that only lasts for 20 or so minutes. about twice a week he will sleep a good 2 hours! Heaven! He does nap in the car sometimes.
Do I nap? No. I have far too much to accomplish to nap. Plus I have a really hard time falling asleep to nap, and almost dread it because I know I will not get as much sleep as I want. Naps are frustrating to me. Not quite as frustrating as people who are constantly insisting that I should nap when he naps.

I have taken 5 naps since Barclay was born. 5. I tried to the other day for an hour, but could not fall asleep.

This is so strange since before I had him, I fell asleep in the air as my head was hitting the pillow. Seriously! I also was a grouch if I didn't get at least 8 hours straight of good sleep.

How am I still alive? I have no clue. How am I still semi nice to people? I have no clue. It is God's Grace.

Here's a ridiculous story that happened last week:
I told Noah I would die if I didn't get any sleep that night. He agreed to take care of Barclay and just bring him to me twice to nurse during the night. I was so excited! So I am lying in bed at nine and missing Barclay and wishing he would wake up so I could love on him. It took me 2 hours to fall asleep! Then 30 minutes later I hear a cry. I hear Noah comforting Barclay and rocking him. Barclay was having a really ROUGH time either with teething or stomach issues. I then decided that no matter how tired I was, my baby needed me and I wasn't going to sleep if he needed me anyhow. So I went and got him and took care of him as usual. (Thanks Baby for being willing!).

So sleep is something I crave, but dread.

I hope that explains a little bit of my scatterbrained, random, exhausted mind a little better to ya'll!

Today we are going to the GI specialist and he will HAVE to talk with me and explain the "finding" the doctors at the hospital found in his upper GI tract.
Hopefully, for both our sakes, it will help with this nighttime tango.