Instead I find myself flying by the seat of my pants every day of my life, and I constantly say to me, and my poor husband, "It's just because of *blank* (insert chaotic situation). I promise after a few days I'll get it together."
I find myself getting it together right before something else that ruins my groove, and then I'm back at the beginning.
I have tried everything. I've tried keeping detailed lists in notebooks. I have a planner, I have a cleaning schedule. I try to say no to 25% of things so I don't over book. I try so hard. I TRY SO HARD. But trying isn't enough.
Noah and I have been having our yearly "tune up" with our wonderful marriage counselor and I am finding that 90% of all my problems result in my lack of margin. Meaning I don't bubble myself with extra time to do things like sweep up something if I spill it or remember something.
Two days ago I scheduled the morning for grocery shopping since we had no groceries and I was making several dishes for the Thanksgiving festivities.
So I loaded Barclay up in the car. We drive into town and I realize that I have no diaper bag, and no wallet. Then I realize that my phone which I had charged all morning was dying. I couldn't get in touch with Noah to get my diaper bag, so I went to my father in law's house to borrow cash. By the time I got there my allotted time was dwindling and and I had to go back and teach a violin lesson.
Those type of things always happen. I am constantly amazed at the end of the day that I am alive and have accomplished the essential things. But as for doing anything extra...it's just not happening.
I'm tired of blaming my pregnancy sickness. I'm tired of blaming all the crisis situations that we have come in contact with this year. I am tired of apologizing to guests who come over. I just want to be better. For me and my poor husband.