Too Tired

Curious little boy in his bumbo seat. He looks like a little man.

Barclay with his snuggly!

I feel like writing tonight but I'm afraid it will be too weepy and hopeless because I'm tired and hungry. So I think I'll wait till I've had a decent night's sleep (four hours in a row?!?!?! Pleeease) to write.

Sleeeep in Heavenly PEACE!

So I am sweaty, exhausted, smelly, my feet are swollen but...my room is FINALLY clean after about four months of complete disarray. Now I want to SLEEP there:-) Not only did I get it clean (and not just put stuff in another room), but I now have four empty laundry baskets that I can now put my laundry in, and I got to do some redecorating! I'm completely pleased with the results so I took a couple pictures. Also I want you to believe me. It took me about six hours. I found all kinds of things that I've been looking for.
Noah is going to be one happy man when he gets home. I can't wait to show him that I finally had a productive day!
If you missed the mess, check out this post.


I finally got to hang my cool painting from Korea from my brother in law Eric. And I bought that lantern 3 years ago at Pier 1 when I worked there and this is the first time I found a place for it. It gives off a romantic light:-)
And...my wardrobe has 2 doors on it now! (Thanks Mom!)


I love this little corner. It's got all the marriage books we've read that mean a lot to us, as well as our marriage goal journal. It also has a picture of our cute son:-) That cool lamp (which I should have turned on for the picture!) we got from our trip to Korea. It is completely made out of paper. And that is a painting I did in college. I copied an artist, can't think of who it was right now. I love the colors and of course the nursing mom.



Our dresser with a beautiful stone statue that Noah has remembered from his Grandmother's house since he was a little boy. It's probably our favorite thing we own art wise.



View from the door. So inviting! And the floors look wonderful!



Now you can see our pretty bed!



Something that was a big project with the room was deconstructing the cradle until the next baby comes along. I think I was avoiding it because it meant Barclay was growing up. But now my room is back to a romantic haven for me and my husband.

A few pictures of Barclay's last nap in the bed.
My Dad built this bed when I was little and we've all slept in it. It was so special to have my first baby sleep in it too.



Just because I'm sentimental, I wrote out all the full names and birth dates of those who had slept in the bed. I think it will special every time a baby or grandbaby sleeps in the cradle to add the names to the bottom.


And just because I don't want anyone to think I'm perfect now;-)

Look what happened while I was busy cleaning my room!



I guess the cycle never ends does it?

The Desire of my Heart

In my last post, I wrote how blessed I felt to be doing what I've always wanted to do, be a mother. I REALLY mean it. I just read a blog that I follow, and this video was posted. I just wept my eyes out, because it struck a part of my heart that I've buried for a long time. Please click on the link and watch it!

To most people who really know me and the events of my life, it would appear that I have had a very painful life. And I have. I will probably write more about it in other posts later on. My whole life I have never expected the good to happen to me. God has blessed me in so many ways, but also he's refined me with many painful experiences. I was at a point where I didn't want to be happy because I thought that, as soon as I was happy, something bad would happen. I seriously was waiting for the next painful thing to happen. I've never really said this out loud, but I have been terrified my whole life, that God would choose to refine me more by not giving me a child. Being a mother has been the biggest desire of my heart since before I can remember and I just knew that it wouldn't come easily. I just knew I was probably infertile. I was so scared to start the process of trying to start a family because I didn't want the answer to be NO, or wait till later. I was completely bracing myself for more heartache, but the Lord BLESSED me right away with getting pregnant.
Even when I was pregnant, I just knew that I was going to miscarry. I know a lot of first time mothers do and I was bracing myself for that. I told everyone at 4 weeks and was completely prepared for letting people know that I had lost the baby (complete with the perfect Facebook status). When I got to 12 weeks, I was shocked that I was still BLESSED to be carrying this baby.
As the time drew nearer to my due date, I was overcome with fear for my baby's health. How could I be so blessed to get pregnant right away, keep the baby, AND deliver a healthy baby?
When Barclay was born and I held him in my arms, I realized how silly I was to doubt that God wanted the desires of my heart to be fulfilled!
Even now my thoughts sometimes slip to what ifs and worries about my baby now, but I am trusting Him every day to protect my baby.
I feel so guilty sometimes because I am so used to being able to deal with people's pain in an empathetic way because I've experienced most of it. But I have never experienced heartache personally with being a mother, or loosing a child.

I am praying HARD for two friends of mine that want to be mothers so badly. They are both wonderful wives and friends and I know that they would be the best of mothers. Sometimes in the middle of the night when I am nursing Barclay and just taking in every moment of these sweet times, I cry for them. Actual tears. This video made me think of them.

I also think of my little sister who I love truly more than words can say. Pretty much, I feel her pain in such real ways that I find myself having a hard time feeling separately from her. Just two weeks after having Barclay, my sweet little sister, lost her baby at about 6 weeks pregnant. That loss was so DEEP to her and to all of us in her family. Even though the baby was young, it was the precious child of my sister. She named the baby Gideon. This video made me think of her.

When I say I know how blessed I am...I truly mean it.

Thank you Lord for giving me a gift and reminding me that you will give me the desires of my heart.

Trying on Pants...

So just a couple random thoughts before I go to bed...

*I've been needing some pants pretty badly for the past couple months, 2 pair of ok jeans are not cutting it. So I've been trying on at sooo many stores and it's not been that much fun. My body has changed a lot since pregnancy.
It used to be that the largest part of my lower half was my calf muscles. They were huge. *side note* One time I walked into a restaurant and was greeted by an old middle school friend who I hadn't seen in years. She said, "Helen Joy! I knew it was you because you walked in and I said to my friend, 'look at that girl, she has enormous calves!'." Anyhow...
It used to be that when I tried on pants, I could do it so fast, because usually if they fit over my big calves, they would fit the rest of me.

Now my biggest part isn't my calves, and so it takes twice as long.
I did manage to find some very nice pants which I'm excited about. Now Noah doesn't have to hear me wine every time we go somewhere I can't wear sweat pants, that I don't have anything to wear:-)

*I bought Barclay a Bumbo seat today. He loves it! I will definitely have to get some pictures of him in it. For a piece of foam and plastic, I thought it was a bit pricey, so I found one on Craigslist for less than half the price.

*I realized today, that right now, I'm doing what I've always wanted to do my whole life...I'm being a Mom! I'm so blessed to be in this time of life right now.

*So many people have written me to tell me how much they like reading my blog and it totally makes my day!

*I didn't clean my room today:-/ I tried on pants all day. So I HAVE to do it tomorrow.

*I realized my 4th anniversary is about three weeks away and I have no idea what we are going to do to celebrate. We usually go away for two days to relax, BE together ;-), and just have a mini honeymoon. I'm not sure if I'm ready to leave Barclay overnight, but I really want to give our marriage the celebration it deserves...Maybe one romantic night in Asheville?

*It is WEDDING SEASON and I'm completely swamped with business which is a great thing. I just need to make myself into a human creamery every waking chance I get so I can do these photo shoots. Hmmmm maybe an excuse not to clean my room...? Just kidding.

*Before I go to bed, I find random blogs to read...I mean totally random and add them to my google reader. That way, in the middle of the night when I'm nursing, I can browse through random peoples thoughts and lives on my blackberry. This has become crazy because I now have so many new friends who I don't even know! I call them my blog friends and Noah thinks I'm crazy.

OK, I HAVE to go to bed so I can save up energy to clean my room tomorrow:-)

Merlefest 2009

I wanted to post a few pictures from out weekend at Merlefest and also tell you about my favorite bands.

My complete favorite band was The Lovell Sisters. They are three sweet, southern girls from Georgia. I saw them last year and fell in love with them. I couldn't wait to see them again! They remind me of my sisters and I and give a beautiful performance. I got chills in many of their songs. Seriously, their album on i tunes was only $7.99 and you would not regret buying it. My favorite song was Paulita Maxwell.

I also heard Bearfoot, which I talked about in my previous post. I didn't think they weren't as good as last year because they got a new lead singer and I think they are just getting used to playing together. But still an awesome show!

Someone that I had heard a lot about but never knew how good he was is Sam Bush. That guy can play the fiddle! I really enjoyed listening to him.

Barclay and Daddy in front of all the people!



I could just eat him up:-)



Me and my boys!



We sure have good cheeks in this family:-)



Sweet baby legs!


Barclay chillin with Aunt Cack.



The whole set up.



Me and my little man!



Trying to stay cool under a tree.


Noah working his magic!



Barclay and Grandpa.


Naked boy...



New shirt from Grandpa!


Awwww!

The Single Girl...

Growing up and through high school, I never really felt like I had any TRUE friends. People that knew who I was deep down, and who opened their lives up to me. When I went to college I was so blessed to discover true friends. One of whom is my dear friend Catherine Tolbert. I absolutely love this girl. She is free as the wind and just has the must exciting life. But she also makes time to come see me or do things I'm doing. For instance, she was in New York this past month, working on an election, and I told her I was going to Merlefest. She said, "Awesome! I'll come too!" Now most people wouldn't really think she was serious coming all the way from New York. But I know Catherine and I know she is always serious about an adventure!
So Catherine came to Merlefest and we had a wonderful time catching up, dancing, and listening to bluegrass.


One of the funniest parts of the trip was sitting together to listen to one of my favorite bluegrass bands from Alaska, Bearfoot. As I'm sitting there with Barclay in my lap and spit up literally from my head to my toe, Catherine is sitting to my left in a beautiful sun dress with just a little spit up on her;-) They start playing this song called Single Girl.

Some of the lyrics go like this:

The single girl...the single girl...
dresses nice and neat
but the married girl...the married girl...
no shoes apon her feet

The single girl...the single girl...
lays in bed till one
but the married girl...the married girl...
is up before the sun

I'd rather be a single girl
sailing on the sea...
than to be a married girl
with a baby on my knee

You can see a performance of it on you tube at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gi90dSV0SE8

Now I beg to differ. I'd rather be a married girl with a baby on my knee, personally:-)
It was just so funny because out of all our closest friends from college, Catherine is the only single girl, and I'm the only married girl with a baby. We laughed through the whole song.



Our band pose:-)

One of my favorite parts of the weekend was Sunday, I decided I could NOT brave the heat another day with a baby, so I decided to stay at the hotel (who had a pool) and have a first swim with Barclay. Ummm...I can't even tell you how funny it was, So I'm going to have to post a video of the ordeal:-) I think it's hilarious.




After not swimming, we went to an outlet mall and had a blast shopping for deals. Now I am the deal QUEEN! But Catherine is actually right there with me. So we have a great time together. We are also both very honest about what looks good/is worth the price. We had an awesome time and got the best deals ever at Banana Republic. The only bad thing about shopping with Catherine is EVERYTHING looks good on her, so in order for her to be able to eat and live, I have to help her weed through all the good looking clothes and only buy the knock out ones:-)

After shopping, we went to a restaurant called Pppsgettis (an Italian restaurant). I have seen this restaurant several time when I was in the area, and always dreamed of going there. I thought it was really expensive and ritzy since it is on the side of hill and just looked completely small and pretentious. I told Catherine of my "fantasy" to eat there one day. I even said I wish I had a nicer outfit to go there. She quickly shattered my dreams of a nice, romantic restaurant by pointing out that on there sign was a little boy covered in spaghetti. An exact quote, "Helen Joy, I don't think any restaurant with a spaghetti covered little boy could be that nice." So we went. I wouldn't say it was the best Italian I've ever had but it was a really fun eating experience! First, Barclay was hungry too so he was crying when we went in, so they put us in a separate room than the other few customers. Good thing too. I fed Barclay, then he puked ALL over both of us several times. We were giggling the whole time as I held Barclay on my knee and bounced him while eating my salad with my HANDS! I am just not that talented to bounce a baby and use a fork in my left hand. So I had puke, salad, and some of Cat's spaghetti all over me! The waitress shook her head at me and just laughed. It was the perfect date with my sweet friend.

And to top off the wonderful day, we spotted a Goodwill on the way back and had to stop. Goodwill is our tradition together. We have found the best things ever at Goodwills all over the country. I think by this time we were too tired to really look for deals, but Catherine did manage to snag a BRAND NEW, with tags, genuine Nike, thong workout leotard from the 80's! That's my Catherine!

Barclay and I were so sad to see her go, but I know we'll see her soon, probably after she going hiking in Nepal, or swims the English channel:-)

We love you Crazy Aunt Cack!

Barclay

Here are some pictures of Barclay in his sun hat. Not the most manly of hats, but definitely cute!





So...after all my complaining about the hardships of having a fussy baby, many people told me...Wait till he's 7 weeks old, 8 weeks, 9 weeks...etc and he will be a different baby. Well folks, Barclay became a different baby at 11 weeks. I cannot believe the change in him. We have wonderful days together complete with NAPS! He doesn't fuss unless something is wrong (something I'm just now getting used to), AND I feel like I can finally get my brain around Babywise. Just today I had to do something I've NEVER had to do and which I read about a lot. I had to wake my baby up! I had to. He had slept for 2 hours and hadn't eaten for over 3 hours. Not only did I have to wake him up, I had to continually stop and wake him up to eat. This is something that I read about a lot for newborns and have just now at three months old started to experience.

I don't want to be crude, and I hate this word, but I think that the reason that he is finally not fussing is because he learned how to fart. He does it all the time now which is fine with me. And I rarely give him gripe water anymore and haven't given him the previcid for two days.

We are working on not waking up several times a night, but the day times are beautiful for me. Thank you Lord and thank you to everyone who was praying for me and encouraging me.

I know I'm probably annoying and repetitive, but I cannot get enough of Barclay's cooing and laughing! I am going to have to post a video. He's snuggly and sweet and I love his little feet...that rhymned. He's sleeping right now (for the second time today!) and that's why I'm going nuts with the blog posts.

I feel like the most blessed woman in the world to experience being a mother to this precious baby boy. I cannot stand it any longer, I'm just have to go snuggle with him!

The Good, the bad and the MESSY

OK. I've just decided that I cannot take it anymore! I have to clean clean clean! My house is a disaster area and it jut doesn't get any better. I figured I would post some pictures of my current favorite CLEAN part of the house because I just redecorated it. AND...I wanted to post pictures of my bedroom which is ridiculous. In an effort that I am accountable for cleaning it up before Thursday. So I'm posting pictures now and if I don't post pictures of the after by Thursday, you guys can hound me and I am not allowed to give my sorry excuses of..."I just had a baby.." (Because I didn't. I had a baby 3 months ago!), or I'm always tired...etc. I'm also this might encourage other people who don't have it together. Because I seriously don't.

So for the GOOD:

I love this little space. That is the infamous CHICKEN PAINTING that we have been carting around for four years. My sweet brother in law got it for our wedding and we love it but it is really hard to hang up because it is on ply wood and doesn't take screws. So we finally decided to lean it up against the wall. I LOVE it. I have decorated several rooms with black and white pictures of our family and friends. This brings color, warmth and LIFE to the room and I LOVE it!
The dress I got on the streets of DC for $20, although getting it home was a different story...Thanks Cat! I think it is so weathered and vintage. It is naturally weathered since it was left out in the rain for two days. Don't recommend it though:-)






That is one of my favorite pictures of Barclay to the right. So curious. I painted the painting on top of that. Noah doesn't like it much but it means a lot to me. It's a picture of a girl leaning over crying and next to her is a jar of tears.
It just came out of me in my darkest of darkest times. It's simple but it speaks volumes to me. It is based off of the verse from Psalms 56:8 "You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?"





Here's what's on top. I got that statue of a little girl at a thrift store for $3. One of my favorite finds EVER. It has pictures of family and that little sewing basket my mom got me for Christmas. I use it, but it's also pretty to look at. And the orchid was given to us when Barclay was born by our friends Dan and Monique. This space is just so happy! I love it!



Now for the bad and the mess!


I never really had the nesting urge until the baby had already come. So my house was never in tip top shape to begin with and of course once the baby was here, I could't delve into my nesting feelings. This mess is left over from my organizing of the bathroom.




Yes our amoire only has one door. The other fell off two years ago and I have yet to put it back on.
One bad habit I've picked up from my husband is always storing the "randoms" in laundry baskets. And guess where my laundry is now....ON THE FLOOR. Because our LAUNDRY baskets are full of random stuff.




What a nice romantic, tranquil room...NOT.
Our room is the place we throw things when people are coming over, because they'll never see it. This is the result of four months of that.



See the laundry on the floor.



More laundry. Can you tell I don't like putting it away or folding it?


OK. So if by Thursday I haven't posted pictures of my CLEAN room, please feel free to hound me and make me feel bad. I deserve it:-)

What NOT to Wear :-)

This past weekend, we went to Merlefest. I think some 80,000 people showed up to listen to good bluegrass music, contra dance, and chill. One of my favorite parts of it was...PEOPLE WATCHING! I love love love to people watch. I love fairs, festivals, water parks, amusement parks, all for the same reason...to watch all the interesting people pass by. There were some INTERESTING people at this festival.

I've never been into photographing people without them knowing it. I'm more of a portrait person, but near the end, I just couldn't help it. I had to share some of these wacky outfits for you. Of course right when I decided to photograph some people, I didn't see the wackiest of outfits (ie the woman who was very large chested jumping around with a thin tank top on and no bra! Yikes!).

I've been watching a lot of What Not to Wear lately when I nurse and I couldn't help but think that Stacy and Clinton would have a hay day here! So I did decide to do a fun What Not to Wear type thing on my blog, in the fashion of Glamour's DO's and Don'ts.

Before I start, I want to say two things:
1.I don't think I'm by any rate a fashionista. My roommate in college wouldn't even let me out of the room sometimes in what I was wearing. But I still like to think I know what I'm talking about:-)
2.I'm not trying to be mean, just show some funny outfits.

Enjoy:-) It'll be like you were there, just without the 100 degree heat!

I think this woman is a DO! I love her fun short hair and her classy black dress!





DON'T mix your angelic with your fighting attire:-)





DO look adorable in a long colorful dress. I'm LOVING these...although I did wear them before they became popular;-)





DONT wear black socks with shorts! Please!





DO have a cute colorful mommy/daughter ensemble. Ice Cream is always a DO!





Don't wear Ugg boots when it is 100 degrees outside! And maybe not with shorts either...




DO wear a fun hat to shade you from the sun!





DONT let your bra show! Well I know I show straps sometimes, but maybe not the whole thing.





DO wear cute cowgirl boots with a sweet dress.





Double DONT:
DONT let arm pit hair show.
DONT get Amelia Earhart tattooed on your arm.




DO wear beautiful colors with a white shirt! This lady looked so classy and cool. Something you want to look like in 100 degree weather.




If your shirt is too big, DONT safety pin it in the back. We see your back too lady!






Another long dress DO!




DONT wear bedroom slippers outside the bedroom.
DONT wear head to toe Neon Green!
DO hold hands with the ones you love:-)






DONT make shirts out of old drapes (unless you are Maria in The Sound of Music)
DONT tie your pants with the drapery ties.



DONT wear your clubbing outfits with your crocs.
DONT wear your clubbing outfits in 100 degree heat!





This is probably a DONT for most people, but it's a DO for me! I love dresses over jeans:-)
Again, I came up with this a long time ago.




Don't cut off your pants at the akward lenght!






DO share warmth with a friend:-)




And the ultimate DONT.....
Do not wear hundreds of butterfly clips in your hair if you aren't 5.





The full ensemble!


*If any of these people were your mothers, sisters, fathers, cousins, sons...etc. I'm sorry:-(