Today has been a rough day. Just draining. I woke up to a lot of bleeding and spent 2 hours crying in bed convinced this was the miscarriage.

But through out the day...it just sort of dwindled on...

According to the many people I've known who've had miscarriages, it involves a lot more blood than I experienced today.

I know it's over. I know deep down in my heart. I have not allowed myself any hope for tomorrows blood test.

Yesterday I walked in a store and rubbed my belly because I knew that I wouldn't be pregnant with this baby much longer.

This morning, Noah took pictures of me in the new maternity dress my mother in law bought for me last week, because I always wanted to remember the joy I felt this entire pregnancy.

I wrote and dated a last entry in my baby journal I had been keeping.

I cried in bed all morning. Deep cries that are from the depths of my soul. And then I decided to get out of bed and go on with my life. I fed Barclay spaghetti, I cleaned spaghetti off of him. I changed diapers, cleaned out my microwave, did a bridal portrait.

I know it isn't medically over yet, and that scares me.

But I know that this fall I will not be welcoming a baby into my arms. I know it. And believe me, if there were any hope I would grab on to it.

And there is nothing I can do, except be thankful for the 11 weeks of pregnancy and preciousness I had with this baby...