"I had a miscarriage."

I cannot believe those words ring true about me.

I cannot believe that I started this week out expecting to deliver two babies in October, and ended with nothing.

I cannot believe that yesterday I woke up, still pregnant and ended the day empty.

As much as I'm so glad to move on from this horrific week and sad circumstances, there are small things that just sting every time they come up.

Things like knowing that next weekend, I can drink wine with my friends as we have a planned weekend together.

or taking a shower and knowing it didn't matter how hot the water was. Going from protecting the life inside of you with every decision and thought for two months, to having my body back to do whatever I want...because it doesn't matter anymore.

Things like picking up my scatter maternity clothes to replace in a box until next time.

All these little things tug at my heart.

My heart does ache for the babies that I so desperately wanted. Lives I nurtured and protected for 11 weeks. But the Lord has given me such joy and peace in the situation. It's so supernatural and unexplainable.

Hopefully some time today I hope I can write about my day yesterday. It was so calm and so peaceful.