Remembering

Some people name the babies they miscarry. I've gone back and forth and have decided not to do this. I have names I have saved up and carried with me in my heart. Names I treasure and can't wait to use. It sounds awful, but I don't want to waste them. I want to continue to save those names for the babies God gives me to keep for a little longer. And I also do not want to just name them something that isn't special. Because they are special.

So I decided to pick a few things that will remind me of them. A few things that whenever I see them, I'll stop to remember.

Daffodils are one thing I've decided. They were in full, beautiful bloom when I was pregnant. And the day I had the D and C I noticed that most of them had closed up, only to be seen in another season. Plus, they are one of the sweetest, happiest, most hopefully little flowers...echoing the coming of such a long awaited spring.

The other thing that will always remind me of my babies is the song Claire de Lune. It is Noah's favorite song in the world. He listens to it on his phone all the time. Several of my memories of this pregnancy were laying in bed dreaming of holding those babies in my arms, and Noah listening to this song. Since I decided to remember them with this song, I have heard it three different times in three different places.