Sunday, April 25, 2010

Today has been one of those days where I feel like a failure.

I have failed as a supportive and calming wife.
I have failed as a loving wife.
I have failed as a listening wife.

I have failed as a patient mama
I have failed as a consistent mama
I have failed failed failed at disciplining Barclay

I have failed to have an inviting and welcoming home
I have failed as a housekeeper
I have failed as a cook
I have failed as a lovely, even tempered woman.
I have failed in my workouts which I had really worked on all week.
I have failed in my financial decisions.
I have failed so many friends.
I have failed so many family.

I am sitting here covered in yogurt from trying to feed my very stubborn baby. I'm worn down and all I want to do is lay on the couch, eat peanut butter cookies, and watch mindless TV.

I don't want to talk to my husband.
I don't want to discuss money
I don't want to discuss jobs
I don't want to think about the week ahead.
I don't want to change diapers
I don't want to bath a baby

I want to be selfish. I want to be alone for just one minute.

Uggg I'm disgusted with myself today. I truly hate the person I was today. I detest her.

If I were my husband I would want out.
If I were my baby I would want out.

But they are stuck with me.

I'm truly thankful that no matter how disgusting I am. No matter how vile and ill and sinful, God loves me and he sees me pure as snow. Because I am his. He lives in me. And nothing I do changes that.


  1. Minus the baby stuff, I know that feeling! We can strive for perfection (and I don't even get close) but we have to forgive ourselves when we don't reach it. Everybody misses the mark.

    And I believe I saw your husband write on your Facebook wall today what a wonderful wife you are and how much he loves you...

  2. don't be so hard on have been down a hard road.
    we will never be perfect....but, Praise HIM, He loves us just as we are and He knows what is still to come from us and loves us anyway!!!


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