My short time of joy

Well last Friday (the 18th) I found out I was pregnant!



I was absolutely thrilled and so excited! We've sort of been trying since December.



I had a great first few days of this pregnancy. I just was overflowing with joy an shared it with family and friends. I know that babies are not a guarantee and I just decided to embrace every day no matter what. I found out the morning before a camping trip
with friends. I thought it was very special to be pregnant for that. I also had a blissful afternoon date with my husband for our anniversary. We just ate and kissed and talked about the baby.


Then the morning we went to the beach for a few days i started bleeding and I knew my time
with this baby was coming to an end. I think deep down, I knew all along it would be short. Being on the beautiful beach with waves crashing around me was a perfect way to say goodbye. We miscarried our baby.
Of course I'm sad, but I feel at peace. I'm thankful I miscarried early. And I'm very thankful that I was joyful for the short time I had.



I found a tiny, perfect, yellow sea shell that I will keep as a reminder of this sweet baby that I loved.

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People Watching 2012

For the past 4 years, my little family has gone to Merlefest every April for a wonderful weekend of sunshine, good bluegrass, and dancing.  And every year I am in awe of the people watching wealth that so many are missing!  I could sit for hours watching people walk by in get ups that I couldn't have thought up in a million years.  It's priceless and FREE entertainment. 

This year I packed up the car and headed towards Boone NC to spend the night so we would be close for an early start to Merlefest 2012.  In the next 12 hours, Sullivan vomited about 12 times (I kept telling myself it was carsickness...), I ran into a car in the parking lot and I got the dreaded stomach bug and puked my guts out for 10 hours.  Not a good night.  

The next day, I decided to push through and go because I thought I was over it.  Also I secretly worried that all my facebook and blog fans would abandon me if I didn't put out this year with my crazy people pictures...;-)

Well, I took two pictures and spent the next 5 hours face down in the grass or dirt (depending on where my family was enjoying music).  I passed out every few minutes and was frequenting the port a jons (bleh!) and trash cans.  Once I even awoke to a Christian tract next to my head.  I guess they thought this poor drunk needed Jesus!

So I'm including my two pictures from Merlefest:

This charming lady wore a beautiful maxi dress and her best...doll hat?!  She also was sporting a doll umbrella but in between consciousness I didn't manage to get a shot of that.  I'm sure she thought I was a looser mother as I was laying on my face moaning next to her for an hour.   

I was just pretty much jealous of this guy and his awesome tshirt and cool fedora.  

If you are blind, his shirt reads, "Nothing Tips Like a Cow!"

Well I didn't want to be a looser and disappoint with just these two pictures so I took my camera for an afternoon in Asheville and capture some more weirdos;-)  It was Sunday so it was pretty calm for Asheville but I still managed to get some good stuff.  Enjoy!

This cool chica was wearing a vest backwards as a shirt and was rocking a side rat tail?  I wonder what that vest would look like on me... ha!

This guy was very intense.  I was surprised he didn't have an apocalyptic sign somewhere on him.

A close up

The mask and the sharpied bible verse freak me out a little bit. 

I thought this guy was pretty adorable.  Like an adult elf.  I started craving shortbread immediately.

I just wonder the though process of this girl.  "I think I'll get a John Deer Tractor and an Indian lady on my bicep."

A cool band with some neat style.

Zesty little lady with a robot tattoo.

It's "the antimohawk"...in moss green.

These two were seen all around town just having a very intense discussion.  I was pretty sure that they weren't real soldiers.  Strange little Asheville boys.

I love that they are eating nerds.

This lady is not on here for her fanny pack, but rather that I watched her for 10 minutes kicking this pink balloon through traffic.  Four hours later I saw this hippy guy with the same balloon.  She must have been spreading her joy!

T

This guy was very out of place with a beach 4 hours away.  It must have been laundry day.

This is truly the worst one ever.  This lady thought she could rock black panty hose (with no undies!) and white tennis shoes.  Don't look too closely.

A pop of red goes a long way.  I think this guy was friends with the cute elf guy.

This lady was ROCKING this jumper.  I was in true envy.  Seriously people, the site of me in this would probably make people jump off cliffs.

Miscarriage Pain

I am so blessed. Every single day I look around (at the chaos!) and say, "God, you are so good! I don't deserve this!" I have a loving husband, an adorable house, lots of friends, and especially I have my two little boys who I've dreamed of for my lifetime.

Today I was reading through some of Kelly's Korner's Moms who have lost children and a flood of emotion came over me. I CANNOT begin to imagine the deep sorrow of so many. Having to birth a baby that you know will never live, burying a child you've loved for years, or never ever being able to have a baby. One thing I've learned, is to never lesson someone's pain. Don't put heartache on a sliding scale.

I miscarried twins at 11 weeks (well actually I had a DandC after several weeks of bleeding). Though people meant well, everyone was saying, "at least it wasn't further a long...at least you have a baby already..." Although I know they meant well, "I wanted to scream, "I STILL HURT!".

I wrote a post a while back HERE that sums up my feelings on dealing with friends going through loss.

I just went through and copied the links to some of the posts I did two years ago that really were raw and honest about how I was feeling. Maybe it can encourage someone out there. Or maybe it can make someone feel like they aren't alone.

Click on the link to see post:

MY WILL BE DONE

THANKFUL

ROUGH DAY

ROLLER COASTER

COMING TO GRIPS

THE DAY OF THE D AND C

PICTURES

Finality

EARTH HAS NO SORROW...

ACHING

HOW I REMEMBER

From all girls to all boys:-)

I grew up, the oldest of 5 girls. It was the best because I always had a friend! Even today I am very close with all 4 of my sisters. I didn't grow up with my dad around much and so you could say that I was a little "girl power" proud.

Since I was able to remember, I had always imagined having all girls of my own. Tea parties, dolls, cute little hippy dresses, pig tails...etc. I could see it all in my mind.

Imagine my absolute shock when I found out that we were going to have a SON in the fall of 2008! I held it together in the doctor's office but immediately in the car I just started bawling! It sort of went like this,

"He'll never really love me! I wont know what to play with him! The clothes aren't cute! Isn't it weird to breast feed a boy?" All kinds of strange little worries were rolling off my tongue.

Immediately I went to Old Navy where I had seen a blue onesie with an owl on it that I had said I would buy if I were to ever have a boy. After buying it I felt little better. Then I started looking through goodwill racks for cute little boy jackets or a hat. I soon had started working on the nursery with all things little boy...boats, old Huckleberry Finn books, Tom Sawyer books, trucks, adventure stories... And then I started getting excited. Then we named him the perfect name...Barclay. And then I fell in love. By the time he was born, I couldn't care one bit whether he was a boy or a girl. I just loved HIM. I loved my Barclay.

Since he was born, I have come to realize that I certainly do love all things little boy. They sure are different than my gentle, nurturing little sisters, but they are WONDERFUL.

18 months after having Barclay I cut into a cake to reveal a BLUE center indicating that our second son was on his way. Again, I was so sure we were going to have a little girl that I was a little bit disappointed for the first few hours, but I knew that it didn't matter in the end. That in the end I was getting my Sullivan...not just any+ boy.

So now I've moved from being one of many in my family of girls to completely surrounded by boys! And I wouldn't change a thing.

I now notice ever single "digger" or big truck that we pass. I get excited about road construction! I am constantly cleaning up from forts and obstacle courses that have been set up through my house. My boys still rock their one little baby doll once in a while and I still get lots and lots of kisses and snuggles, but for the most part it is go go go with climbing, biking, sliding and getting DIRTY! I enjoy dressing my boys every day and they always look adorable. Most of all, I just love watching them grow and one day pray that my boys are godly men who are respectful, unselfish and fun!

I always imagine this little conversation between high school girls going on in my head..." Oh the George boys are so dreamy! They're so respectful and kind! I hope that one of them will ask me to prom;-)"

We would love to add one more baby to our family and you know what? I would actually be a little sad if it wasn't a little boy!

I could not imagine my life with anything other than my two little boys. They are the best!

Linking up to Kelly's Korner...Mom of all boys.

Darn Marketing

Dear Victoria's Secret,

You almost got me. Your stupid sneaky little ways nearly got me to spend some money. Last month when I bought a much needed new bra, I was given a super special secret rewards card with 10, 50, 100 or 500 dollars on it. It couldn't be activated until April and it had to be activated either at a store while buying something or online while buying something.

The mear thought that I might actually be in the possession of 500 worth of maxi dresses, long skirts, cute yoga clothes...and maybe some underwear made me act like an idiot today.

I packed up both of my boys and took the 45 minute trip to Asheville to go to the mall. (I had Yoga class near there so it wasn't too out of the way). Of course we get there before the mall opens...the mall opens at 10 by the way! We walk around with the old people, I let the boys climb on the riding toys (which they still think are great without having to pay 75 cents;-). Then it became 10 and the doors opened and everything went crazy. My baby started screaming, Barclay ran 6 stores down from me and hid underneath a maniquin in AE. I was SO mad at him until I saw the exact sort of flip flops I had been looking everywhere for two moths for! So I purchased them (with little breaks to run and drag my 3 year old back towards me). Then I ran into Gap kids to grab some swim trunks I had a coupon for. This quick little errand took 15 minutes as I sweated, chased, and tried to sooth the crying baby. Barclay at one point was wearing big sunglasses from the women's department and was dancing with a maniquin in the window. Oh and he also stuffed size 4 white jeans into the bottom of our double bob stroller and I nearly walked out with them.

Last stop, darn Victoria's Secret to find something under 10 dollars to see if I had won 500! I could not find anything! Breath mints, but I'd have to buy a few packs...my stupid stroller wouldn't fit any but one of the 10 aisles. Barclay was in big time time out at this point and was non stop asking me for a treat. Sully is still crying. I finally find a red lip gloss for 7 bucks and look at my phone and realize that I have to load up the kids, drive 20 minutes, park, unload, take the kids to child care and make it to yoga in 25 minutes! So as she rang up my "free" lip gloss and told me I had 2.07 left on my card, I just start angrily running towards the car.

Once there, Barclay promptly (like it was a line in a movie) pipes up,

"I pooped, Mom".

I seriously couldn't believe that I had pretty much taken an entire morning to save 10 dollars on something I didn't even need.

Sneaky Marketing, next time I'll just throw it away. Or maybe I will just go get free lip gloss...just in case;-)

Random

Randoms-

*Why for goodness sake can no one make attractive wide shoes? Seriously?! There is an untapped market out there. I have been waiting with money saved to buy a pair of semi attractive yellow, navy or red shoes. I have looked everywhere and they do not exist. Imagine my excitement when I saw that aerosoles made wide width...but when I clicked up came pages and pages of ugly, dull, orthapedic shoes.

*Having two kids is hard. I have just recently come to this conclusion. While Sullivan was a calm baby he is non stop trying to climb things, does not like to play with toys AT ALL, and is constantly wanting attention. When Barclay is at school two days a week, he just gets pissed off. The kid likes to always be going and to always have a buddy. So I signed him up for school this next year. Even though it's a little earlier than I sent Barclay, I need a break and Sullivan needs some buddies.

*I am very discouraged. I have worked out hard core for 2 months, I have also started eating even healthier than my already healthy eating and I still continue to gain weight. My doctor put me on some hormones since my thyroid was pretty low and I have seen zero help from that. I just feel like giving up. The only time I've lost weight in the past 5 years is when I'm pregnant. Tempting...

*I now feel that at the weight I'm at, I'm not even expected to look pretty. I don't feel like people even think it's possible. Whenever I go clothes shopping, I just feel like there is no possible way for me to look attractive. I want so badly to have a style and to look cute. But I feel like I'm just in a time out for now.

*Despite the woes of my weight, I have really fallen in love with taking classes at the YMCA. Zumba, ballet fusion, and yoga are my favorites. Plus they watch my kids and my kids have fun. Win.

*

Happy 1st Birthday Sullivan!

Sweet Sullivan,

My whole life, since I can remember, I have had an inward drive to achieve the next step in life. I've always been motivated and rarely content. I went to school early, married early, had Barclay before any of my friends were even thinking about babies. The second I met your daddy, I couldn't think straight until I married him. The day after I married him I was wanting a baby SO badly, the day after having Barclay I wanted another baby. It's like there has always been a race for me to run.

30 minutes after you were born and I was assured you were alive and well (we had some very scary complications), I was overwhelmed with the contentment that flooded my heart. I felt so content, so peaceful and not in a rush to do anything but soak up how blessed I was. I thought it would just last a few days, but this entire year, I have been nothing but content with my life. Having you has completed our family (even if we do decide to have more babies later). You have brought a certain personality to our home that we so desperately needed! You are peaceful, easy going and just plain delightful!

I was able to really relax with you since I was confident in my mothering skills from my poor guinea pig, Barclay. I co-slept with you from day one and enjoyed doing a lot of attachment parenting with you. I feel so in tune with you. I feel like I know you so well.

Despite having to have 2 surgeries in two months, having horrible ear infections constantly, you are so pleasant. You smile and coo and bat your beautiful, thick lashes and completely melt my heart.

You are so different than your brother, in almost every way. I love watching your personality develop more and more as you grow.

You are not predictable at all. You have NEVER napped at the same time your whole life, try as I might. But yet you just go with flow, no matter if you're tired or sick.

The only complaint I have about you is that you are NOT a good sleeper. Just in the past week have you consistently slept through the night. A lot of it was ear troubles, and then bad habits but I think we might have broken through and are on our way to both feeling a little more rested.

You, my son, are a bottomless pit. You are constantly hungry and I am constantly feeding you! I cannot believe how much you eat! I'm worried for our grocery bill when you're in high school!

I can't wait to see what you are like this next year. To hear you talk more than the few words you say, and to see you become your own little person.

I love you and am so thankful to the Lord that he knew better than us, and gave us you.

Love Mama