It's not something I'm sure about. I believe that God has a plan and a will and what he wills will happen. So why pray? I'm not a prayer. There have been about 10 times in my life where I've stopped what I'm doing, fell to my knees and prayed. Of course those were all hard and bad times. I pray before meals (mostly), but other than that, it's not a part of my daily rutine.
I've tried so many times to keep a prayer journal but it seems forced, fake and I don't feel like I have time to do it 100% ( in which case I prefer not doing it at all).
I cringe a lot when other people pray because I'm judging them. I feel like they're faking it. I hate when people pray very carasmatically and in hushed whispers with pauses for dramatic effect.
I've come to accept that my gift is not for prayer.
I do believe that God does miracles. How could I not? I've seen them throughout my life. But does he do it because I prayed a little harder, or because He loves me, His child, and it was His will to bring glory to Himself through it.
Maybe it seems pretty "unchristian" to say all this but in my heart I just constantly struggle with this.
When people casually ask me to pray for this and that, I most of the time don't. And I wonder of the person who asked me really expected me to pray, and really expected that to make a difference. I also tend to try not to respond to bad news, or a hurting friend with, "I'll pray for you." Unless I really know I will.
All of this has come up because my Grandpapa is really sick. He went in for major back surgery on Wednesday. They cut part of his spinal cord accidentally and he has been leaking spinal fluid. They had to do a second surgery to fix it and he has been in ICU the past couple of days. This morning, my mom called me hysterical saying they had to take him for a 3rd surgery and she didn't know if he would make it because he was so weak.
My mom is asking me to ask everyone I know for prayer. But I know you don't know him. You don't know what a blessing he is to my life. You don't know that he practically raised me when my father was absent most of my life. You don't know how much I want him to be a part of Barclay's life. You don't know how much I can't imagine my Grandmama living without him. You don't know how much I love him and how much I don't want him to go. So why would I expect you to pray? Especially when I myself am not a huge prayer. But, I do believe God can heal him. I do believe it pleases him when his Children come to him in prayer. And I do believe that even if you stop reading this right now and offer a one sentence prayer to the Lord, He will hear it.