Monday, February 1, 2010


It's not something I'm sure about. I believe that God has a plan and a will and what he wills will happen. So why pray? I'm not a prayer. There have been about 10 times in my life where I've stopped what I'm doing, fell to my knees and prayed. Of course those were all hard and bad times. I pray before meals (mostly), but other than that, it's not a part of my daily rutine.
I've tried so many times to keep a prayer journal but it seems forced, fake and I don't feel like I have time to do it 100% ( in which case I prefer not doing it at all).
I cringe a lot when other people pray because I'm judging them. I feel like they're faking it. I hate when people pray very carasmatically and in hushed whispers with pauses for dramatic effect.
I've come to accept that my gift is not for prayer.
I do believe that God does miracles. How could I not? I've seen them throughout my life. But does he do it because I prayed a little harder, or because He loves me, His child, and it was His will to bring glory to Himself through it.
Maybe it seems pretty "unchristian" to say all this but in my heart I just constantly struggle with this.
When people casually ask me to pray for this and that, I most of the time don't. And I wonder of the person who asked me really expected me to pray, and really expected that to make a difference. I also tend to try not to respond to bad news, or a hurting friend with, "I'll pray for you." Unless I really know I will.
All of this has come up because my Grandpapa is really sick. He went in for major back surgery on Wednesday. They cut part of his spinal cord accidentally and he has been leaking spinal fluid. They had to do a second surgery to fix it and he has been in ICU the past couple of days. This morning, my mom called me hysterical saying they had to take him for a 3rd surgery and she didn't know if he would make it because he was so weak.
My mom is asking me to ask everyone I know for prayer. But I know you don't know him. You don't know what a blessing he is to my life. You don't know that he practically raised me when my father was absent most of my life. You don't know how much I want him to be a part of Barclay's life. You don't know how much I can't imagine my Grandmama living without him. You don't know how much I love him and how much I don't want him to go. So why would I expect you to pray? Especially when I myself am not a huge prayer. But, I do believe God can heal him. I do believe it pleases him when his Children come to him in prayer. And I do believe that even if you stop reading this right now and offer a one sentence prayer to the Lord, He will hear it.


  1. Wow. And, yes. I did in fact offer a one sentence prayer for your grandfather.

    I feel exactly the same about prayer, Helen Joy, although I think I feel it more in seasons. Sometimes I'm gung ho about it, daily and easily filling pages in a journal. Which means nothing. It means nothing because when I don't pray, I know that God is still working, just like you said. He absolutely doesn't NEED us to pray in order to act. But, also like you said, it pleases him. I find myself cynically thinking, okay, well that probably would have happened even if I hadn't prayed. I guess for me the biggest reason to pray is that Jesus did. If for no other reason - especially not because God is a vending machine in the sky, at our beckon call - I can pray only because Jesus did.

    Of course that doesn't mean I do very much...

    Thank you for saying what a lot of people are too bashful to say.

    -Sara T.

  2. Like you said, i won't say "i'll pray for you if i'm not doing it,but this time, I will pray for you, and i mean it.

  3. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" (Romans 8:26).

    Even if we can't form the words because the pain is too much, He knows. You just have to BELIEVE!
    He loves for us to come to Him with our thanks and needs - often.
    I will pray for you and your family in this difficult time.

  4. I know as a fact that prayer works. I have tons of examples in how God worked things that were impossible. I believe in his will as well and the Bible is clear about how God listens to his people when we pray and there is tons of examples as well how God answered to his people because of a prayer.(Bible-Daniel-Esther-David etc etc etc etc).
    I will pray and I know that He will listen I am very CONFIDENT ABOUT IT! because of prayers is that we are where we are!

    LOve you and I DID pray for him!

    Aurora Swain!

  5. I love how honest you are. I think the honesty in and of itself pleases God.

    I am a HUGE prayer. And b.c of this...b.c I LOVE to pray, I feel compelled to tell you wahy =)
    I don't pray for things to "go my way". I pray to connect with God.

    I love to talk. Talking is HUGE to my husband and I. We love to have long drives, b.c we get to talk. We connect this way.
    I love to talk to my family, my friends, etc.
    So, for me, it is very natural to talk to God.
    However....there is also the silent part of praying, where I get to HEAR him.
    I hear him a lot when I am praying....

    My understanding of prayer is not for it to "be" a certain way or "sound" a certain way. It should be just like any conversation you would have with someone you can't live without. or love. or enjoy.

    Sadly, I think that some people have made prayer a "showy" thing...which the bible actually warns us against. It says it would be better to pray behind closed doors so we are never tempted to make a show of it (my paraphrase)

    And, although I DO pray for healing, for hurts to go away, for finances to be better, for relationships to be restored....what I pray the MOST for is that whoever is involved in these situations would come to know Christ in a way they may otherwise NOT know him.

    The last thing about prayer I will say is that even though I don't believe AT ALL that we should "use" prayer to just ask for everything we want...I do think God wants us to actually ask.
    Not b.c he can't do or fulfill our needs/wants without us asking...but b.c he wants us to be in communication with Him.
    For example. I might recognize a need/want of my children...but I want a relationship with them, one which consists of them sharing their hearts with me. So, I am MUCH more likely to act on their need/want if they communicate it to me.
    Does that make sense?


    Sorry I just made a blog post out of my comment...I may just copy and paste this to my own blog! =) haha

  6. HJ,

    We all face many "crisis of belief" stages in life; and your grandfather's state is one of these times for you. I know you and there have been countless times where, during other crisis times, God answered right on time for you and your family. I can assure you your Grandpa has been praying for you for a long time, one of the very reasons you love him so much. What a joy to have in your life, what a testimony to others that someone would have so much love for you to go out of their way to help raise you into the great person you are! During trials is when God shows us His most precious and magnificent gifts to us. You are beginning to experience the kind of love God has for you as you do for your Grandpa, that is, that great gift freely given us, that God doesn't want us to ever die, ever. So I would hope as your friend, that you take this opportunity to grow closer to Him, not further away. Love doesn't come from the enemy. Lies and deception is his game plan. You are right, we don't always know the will of God but there has been much revealed to us, and prayer affords us the opportunity to line up with His will. He is calling on you to come closer to Him and share in His goodness. This is a crisis of belief time for you. Which will you choose? Your will or his? Which one do you believe will bear more fruit, produce more days of complete joy, see the impossible happen - your personal determination or His absolute control over all situations. You have to make that choice for yourself and for your family this week.

  7. Hi HJ- you sure have gotten a lot of comments on this post, huh? :) I struggle in the same area as you do. One thing that has helped me understand why to pray is understanding this: I don't pray to try to "change" God's mind, but really by praying I'm acknowledging that I need Him, that I don't have things under control, that I defer all decisions to Him. I tend to be a very prideful person who thinks I can do it on my own, and prayer helps me get things back into perspective. Anyway, know that we're both praying for you and your family during this hard time.

  8. Hj- I appreciate your vulneralbe honesty here. I will certainly pray. I don't think prayer is my gift either...though i do think it is so simple that it doesn't reguire gifting,....just practice. You can always pray using scripture if you do not know what else to pray. The psalms often speak to similar circumstances as what we daily go through today. I guess pain and hardship (asa well as joy and health) are not new to mankind..... so much so, that even those heartfelt songs from so long ago can be used in your personal prayers today. That's how I started practicing prayer. And i am thabnkful for it... because with it, I can (and you can) cast all your anxieties on Him, and instead use prayer and petition(with supplication((relational speaking)) to make your requests known. Remember that if "He is a friend that sticks close than a brother", that you can always trust him with your deepest of thoughts and feelings/yearnings. He loves us and I can't imagine what life would be like wihtout that knowledge. I'm glad you know that too and you are trusting in Him today. Many Blessings and I will add your Grandpa to my list that I try to keep up with, in regard to praying. In His Grip- Amy N.


I love comments so leave one:-)