Yesterday I had a moment. The kind of moment that I know I will treasure in my heart for the rest of my life. I had a day full of running here and there trying to get things done. I carted Barclay here and there and we were both tired, hot, and there were still many many more things to get done. I looked in his car seat and knew that even though I had a million more things to get done, he would never again be this small again and I just knew that I had to hold him. I had carted him around all day and knew that he, like me, needed just to be held. So I picked him out, took his clothes off, because it was so hot there was a nice breeze outside. Then I took him out on the porch with a soft blanket, opened the door of our house and cranked up Nora Jones. I held Barclay close to my heart and slow danced in the wonderful spring breeze. It was a moment of pure bliss. We watched the sun go down to the love songs that Noah and I have danced to since I was 15. I closed my eyes and took it all in; the smells. the feel of the breeze on our hot skin, the look in my sons eyes as he looked up at me, the smell of his baby head, the way he snuggled agains my chest. It was a perfect spring day.
This is now going to be my new lullaby for him. It is also the song that Noah and I danced to on our wedding day.
The Nearness of You
Its not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me,
oh no Its just the nearness of you
It isnt your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation,
oh noIts just the nearness of you
When you're in my arms
and I feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams come true
I need no soft lights to enchant me
If youll only grant me the right
To hold you ever so tight
And to feel in the night the nearness of you
It was the perfect calm in between non stop crying sessions, guilt about housework and work, and the every day grind.