Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Love Story Part 2

Barclay has been better...sometimes. This morning he screamed from 8 am until 1 pm. I rocked him, sung to him, nursed him, let him scream, I laid him in his bed, I gave him his medicine. I don't know what it is that makes a baby calm one day and not the next. I've been eating the blandest food, so I know it's not that. Thankfully, I think I'm beginning to tune him out when I need to. We went to my last midwife check this afternoon and he was calm in the car. He started screaming about ten minutes from our house and coninued on the whole way home. We got home and he was sweating so I took his clothes off and put him next to my skin, nursed him, told him how much I loved him, wiped the tears from his cheeks, stroked his head and arms, and prayed for him. I even cried a few tears of love myself. Then when I was burping him, we had several precious moments of peace and smiles. He totally loves me back! He was smiling at me as milk dripped out the sides of his toothless grin. He was making the sweetest sounds of cooing too. So a bad morning, but a priceless afternoon. I finally got him to go to sleep and now he's in the swing next to the computer, sucking on the medicine paci that I gave him his gripe water in. He is so precious and peaceful. So instead of cleaning my house, taking a shower, or writing the many thank you notes I need to write...I am writing this blog:-) Which makes me happy.

Here's a little more to the love story that I posted a couple days ago, along with some fun old pictures.

Love Story Part 2

After the first summer Noah and I had together, he made the decision to stay home from his college and attend the community college here for a semester. He did it to be with my family. He saw five girls hurting and needing, not only a big brother, but even a dad of some sorts. I remember my mom being so sad that sometimes she just couldn't get out of bed. Noah would pick us up and take us around to our various activities. We had a wonderful fall of healing. Even now, the fall weather brings on the best feelings of the beginnings of love to me. We hung out with Noah and Eric pretty much every day. I remember one day, my dad was in an addiction program in Chattanooga and we were going to have our thanksgiving there. Being a single mom of five didn't really leave my mom much spending money and so we were planning to go and spend our thanksgiving surrounded by strange people in a strange place. Noah and Eric approached my mom before we left and presented us with $200 they had saved. It was just for us to use to have fun. The whole trip, which originally was going to be awful, turned out to be one of the greatest memories with my mom. We went and SAW Rock City:-) As well as all six going to see an Imax movie. We had dinners and ice cream and for the first time...pretty much ever, we didn't have to feel worried about the money.

My birthday in October. Our first fall together.

Throughout the fall I fell deeper and deeper in love with Noah. I started writing letters every single night to Noah and keeping them in a box. These letters expressed my love for him and talked about one day marrying, etc. I also wrote him letters I gave to him. These were encouraging notes with bible verses, cartoon drawings, and love. Because he was hurting from his parent's divorce as well. In the spring, Noah went back to Columbia for college. I would send him cookies and letters, all under the impression that it was a friendly thing, not a romantic thing.

I seriously don't remember high school. I know it's weird. I can remember even the tiniest details about when I was four years old, but high school is a blur. I'm pretty sure it is because I spent every hour thinking and dreaming about Noah. Living for the next time I would see him. I listened to Nickel Creek and Jennifer Knapp in my room while I wrote in my journal and wrote him letters, I would even sneak out at night to the Carl Sandburg field and dance around with the most overwhelming joy bursting from my heart. I was in love but couldn't tell anyone, and so I just danced.

That spring, I went with the Carolina Youth Symphony to New York City to play my violin in Carnegie Hall. I was so excited, not really for the opportunity or site seeing as much as I was excited that Noah decided to fly up for the concert. He, my mom, and my sister Julianna all flew up together to be there to cheer me on. I had a beautiful, full black skirt, a gorgeous black backless shirt and there was going to be a dinner cruise after the concert. I dreamed about how that night was going to go and hoped that I would get a chance to dance with Noah. It was even better than I could have imagined. I looked beautiful and felt grown up. The concert was completely amazing. I even had a short solo (I scooted my chair during the oboe solo so my mom could see me) :-) We were all dressed up and went on a boat ride on the river. There was dinner and dancing. There are two songs that are forever stuck in my head from that night. The first being, Backstreet boys, This I Promise You. Cheesy I know, but for me, it was the most romantic song of my life because Noah and I slow danced to it. I remember staring up at him and getting lost in his deep eyes. Those of you who know Noah know that he has the twinkliest eyes. I am a foot shorter than him and I remember his big arms enveloping me. Even now, if I ever hear that song, I just have to close my eyes and I'm there again. The other song is actually pretty vulgar but not the part that stood out to me. It's Come My Lady by Crazy Town. I just remember after the slow dance, Noah putting his hand behind his back, grabbed my hand and lead me up the stairs to the balcony, away from my mother and sister. "Come my lady, come come my lady..." was playing. I felt like a lady and I was sure coming with him! On the balcony, he wrapped his arms around me because it was cold and we just were silent together overlooking the city. As soon as the boat docked, all the musicians went back to the hotel to pack up and load the bus for the 13 hour drive home. I remember pretending to be sick, sticking my head under my blanket and day dreaming the whole 13 hours home of Noah and how much I loved him. I went over the night again and again in my head, and added on with thoughts of our wedding and life together. That Monday at school I got one of the tech savvy boys in my class to burn me a CD of those two songs. Funny, because I don't know if there is one CD in the WORLD with those two songs on it:-)

This picture is from that wondrous night in NYC

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