One Day at a Time...

As I'm writing this I'm crying a little bit because little Barclay has been screaming for twenty minutes. He needs to go to sleep and I've met all his other needs. I've gone in twice to rock him and check on him and he's just so tired he can't fall asleep. I've been trying to get him down for over two hours. I've tried rocking, nursing and cuddling him to sleep and he immediately wakes up after just five minutes. And now I'm trying the let him put himself to sleep. It's horrible though. I hate to hear him cry and see his tear. The past two days have been like heaven. He's smiled and cooed at me and slept a lot and been so precious. The two nights before last night, he woke up only twice and went strait back to sleep after nursing. Last night he was up three times and was up for an hour and a half each time. I was hoping the whole thing was behind us, but I guess each day is a new day and sometimes they aren't always good.

I know everyone has their ideas of how to get a little one to sleep through the night. I also know that none of them are wrong and that they work differently for each different baby. I feel I've done a good balance of all of them and none of them are working.

I was thinking the other day about how much I loved the feeling of this back in college:

I'm overwhelmed with so much to do. I can't figure out how to do it all and I'm tired. Then I suddenly realize, I can just not do it. I can lay here in bed and take a personal day. I can postpone those things to another day and this day can be mine. The feeling of taking an overwhelming busy day and turning into a day of recovery and rest is such a great feeling.

I've done it in high school, in my work, in my life. Just some times we need a personal day. Not to say I quit things, I just take a break or put it off till tomorrow. Even in marriage, you can take a personal day to regroup and be there more for your spouse. It hit me the other day that as a mother, I will never have the option to just take a personal day from mothering. In the middle of the night when I hear the beginnings of a cry from the crib and I don't see how I can move a single muscle, I cannot quit or simply put it off until another day. What a feeling of responsibility! What an awesome responsibility that this precious baby cannot go three hours without me. He needs me. Sometimes it's overwhelming...ok, most of the time it is. But I'm so grateful that God entrusted me with this responsibility.

Today is not such a good day, but we have had good days. And that is hope! Now it's been thirty minutes that this little one has been screaming his lungs out so I'm going to go check him and pray to the Lord that he falls asleep!

Here's some pictures from one of our priceless good days on the Blue Ridge Parkway this Saturday.