I've been thinking a lot about my husband lately. With a new baby it is so hard to think straight, let alone be nice to your spouse. I've found myself so frustrated throughout the day, that by the time Noah gets home from work, I' m ready to let someone have it...and sadly, that someone has been him. I hate it:-( When we decided that we wanted to start a family, we knew one thing that needed to be a priority for the rest of our lives...each other. Even though my love for Barclay is one of the most wonderful things I've felt in my life, if I put him before Noah, or even love him more than Noah, then the whole foundation of our family is off. I know these early weeks are hard with a newborn, but I'm really going to try to bring myself out of the fog and focus on my husband more than I have been.
I want to go way back for this part of my past and probably will do it with several posts. I want to write out the story of how Noah and I met and fell in love...
Even though now people know me as a hopeless romantic, as a little girl, I wasn't like that at all. I never wanted to get married, I didn't dream about my wedding, I would rather play mommy than bride. Basically I found out at a very early age that I couldn't marry my daddy and all my dreams were shattered from that point on. I remember harboring some very mean feelings towards my mother for marrying daddy before I could. Anyhow, I had a lot of little boys sweet on me growing up. At church they would chase me and steal my big, Charleston bows. At camp in middle school, they would try to hold my hand by the fire pit; that kind of thing. I always prided myself on never being interested and never giving in. I remember in 7th and 8th grade saying over and over and over again. I never want to get married, I just want to have lots and lots of Chinese babies. 101 and to be exact. I always knew I wanted to be a mother, but being married wasn't appealing to me. I had a boyfriend at the end of 8th grade and it was sweet, innocent, passionate ( we kissed across the foot bridge at church). We wrote letters all the time and held hands on our class trip to the planetarium.
But I still truly still never wanted to get married. That was until I met Noah George.
My family and I, for reasons that are going to be several posts in themselves, were living in our motor home at Bonclarken (a Presbyterian conference center in Flat Rock NC). I had grown up going there every summer since I could remember for a week. We were living there all summer this year and were looking for a place to live permanently. I was a sad and angry 14 year old who was just uprooted from Charleston SC where I had made a life. Just a couple months before I was planning on attending Bishop England, a very prestigious high school in Charleston with my best friend and cousin, Kathrine. I was planning to try out for cheer leading, I had taken all the entrance exams, I had even bought my beautiful (or so I thought) Kelly green skirts and plaid knee high socks that were required. I had in my mind how my high school life was going to be, and then everything got turned upside down and I was now going to attend a small Christian school in the mountains of North Carolina. I was mad at God for uprooting my life that had for the first time in my whole 14 years had just become stable. I couldn't imagine that life could ever be good again.
That all changed when I met Noah George.
We met at the Bonclarken swimming pool one summers day. My sisters and I swam there every time the doors were opened. We have always been little water babies. We were swimming around the pool annoying the lifeguards:-) when I saw this older guy with really curly hair, strong muscular arms, and a tan organizing something in the deep end. I swam over closer to see what was going on. Then he looked at me and came over to me and asked, "Would you like to play a game of sharks and minnows?" I knew at that moment that I wanted to get married...to this guy. He had taken a pool full of children and teenagers and gotten them all to play together. This was the kind of man I was looking for. I of course played and an instant bond was formed.
The first time Noah remembers me, was one day after the pool incident. He said he saw me wearing overalls and he said to his brother Eric, "I'm going to marry that girl". I didn't believe him when he told me this years and years later, but I asked Eric and he said it was true.
That summer I was 14 and Noah was 19. I was going into my first year of high school and Noah had just finished his Freshman year of college. Of course at that age difference, you cannot have a romantic relationship. Or you can, it is just illegal... So I would refer to Noah as my brother. And he really was like a brother for a couple of years.
Noah and his brother Eric had just experienced the divorce of their parents and were living with their dad. My sisters and I had just experienced the same thing and were living with our mom. All of us were just raw with grief and sadness but we found such joy in being together. Literally every night we would get together for movie nights, camping trips, and every other kind of adventure you could think of. We ended up spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with our families combined. It was like we had been feeling empty and broken and were at last feeling whole again. Through this all, Noah and I were just like brother and sister.
Here's a picture from that summer in the same overalls that Noah fell in love with me:-)
I'm going to stop here because I can get carried away and the story is LONG. I'll write a little bit more tomorrow.
Thank you for all the prayers for sleep and a calm baby. I don't know what is working but something is. Barclay has been about 50% less fussy, and last nigth my Mom and sister Georgia Ann were able to stay up with him all night and I slept for 9 hours straight! I couldn't believe it when I woke up. My boobs couldn't believe it either. They were HUGE! I feel so much better; like some cob webs have been cleaned out of my head. Thank you for the prayers!