I've never been the kind of person to do a regular devotion time every day. I KNOW how important it is to be in the Word, but to me, I do it out of guilt, not passion and that really bothers me. There have been a few times where I have not been able to put the Bible down because I feel like it is alive and full of wisdom. I haven't had one of those moments in a long time.
I know also that sometimes, well actually a lot of times, you just have do to things you don't like to do or feel like doing.
I always had a lot of guilt surrounding me in regards to my Faith and also my daily walk with Christ. I wasn't doing it enough, or my heart wasn't right, or maybe I just flat out dreaded it.
A couple of years ago I let it go and felt freed by the fact that God doesn't base his love for me on my actions (PRAISE HIM!). Since then I think I've enjoyed too much freedom and barely done a daily quiet time since.
I am coming to realize how much it means to the Lord when I choose to spend quality time with him. But as I started this post out, I don't feel like I have the time.
Not to mention I feel WORN DOWN and pretty much like I'm hanging on to one last shred of life. I'm so tired and so discouraged and so frustrated.
These are three things that have really lifted me up lately:
1.PRAYER- I've said it before, but I'm not really that into prayer. I get so distracted and I don't feel like I do it very consistently. I hate feeling like I only pray when something goes wrong. I also hate it when I tell people, "I'll pray for you" and forget about it. I've really stopped telling people that.
I am also and skeptical how so many people who tell me they pray for me, really do pray for me. Not that I'm judging, but I just know how I am.
I hate not being 100%. I hate not being able to pray for it all and praise for it all.
But I realized that I can pray when I think about things. So if someone asks for prayer, I have started praying right then for it silently. Then every time I think of it, I "think" a prayer. Also, if I'm doing something and want to praise the Lord, I just do it then.
What a burden it has lifted off of me and what a difference to constantly be in communion with the Lord. I no longer feel the burden of having a "prayer time"-which could last hours for my 100% self.
Because Barclay is constantly crying...at least is seems. I no longer like listening to music in the car. I love listening to nothing. Popular songs and songs that I usually enjoy...just grate on my nerves. I hate to say it, but I think the Christian Radio Station here is just sad. YES they have good programs and YES they have good songs, but there is no variety to it. I'm sure to hear the same songs over and over. Once in a while when I'm just barley making it, I'll turn on the Radio and a song that hits my heart is playing. I get so much encouragement from it. I have also started listening to Pandora on my phone. I have a station for Christian songs and have found my spirits being so uplifted by the words to many many songs that I have never heard.
I've really been trying to read Barclay a chapter out of this Children's Bible every night. Our friends JD and Annie gave it to us before Barclay was born and let me tell you. This Bible should be read by all. It is simple. clear. and relates EVERY story in the Bible to the big picture...which is Salvation through Christ. Just in that 10 minutes that I read this to him, I feel God speaking straight to my heart and using his word (in a simple simple form) to spark a passion in my heart.
I'm being serious when I say, you should get a copy for yourself.
Something that I really want to get back into is dancing. I love to dance. Always have. The closest I feel to God is when I hear a song about Him and I just can't help but dance to it. It gets in my soul and I can't express what I feel except through very meaningful movement. I used to do it all the time to my first Third Day album. I would find myself crying as I danced because the words were hitting home so much. I've decided that in addition to needing a little more exercise, I want to start dancing more because I want to worship the Lord.
I'm just so thankful that God cares enough about this tired, worn out, mommy enough to reach my heart in ways that are simple and frequent.