There's something about Christmas cards that leaves me wanting more. Here I am summing up my entire year (the year of the roller coaster emotions) with one picture. Where everyone is smiling and looking perfectly perfect. Though there were plenty of blissful moments this past year, there were also times I thought I would die from exhaustion, or I thought I was a terrible mother, or my house was so dirty that there were only trails through the dirty laundry to the living spaces of our house. There were moments I questioned my marriage, and moments I felt I had lost friendships, moments I swore, moments I hurt, moments that I felt the world was crashing down on me...
But I chose to sum up my year with a perfectly blissful moment...click.
I don't think I've ever received a christmas card that was honest to the year. I never receive cards where the couple is spaced out awkwardly on a couch acting like they were strangers. I don't receive card with tear stained faces or angry expressions. I almost didn't send out a Christmas card this year, because I hate being fake. I don't want someone to think I have it all together. But when it comes down to it, years and years down the road...I think my memories will be more like our Christmas card...sweet and blissful.
Oh my goodness!! I have felt that so many times!!! I didnt incldue a letter in our Christmas cards this year because I didnt want to tell all that had happened:) I am still thnking it all through and finding a balance--maybe that is all we can ever achieve--a constant rebalancing. I also know that sometimes its those perfectly perfect pictures that remind me that I really do have it good and that really is us. Not always, but it is us too. I am sorry that this year has been rough for you. I hope that when you look back you can remember the good times too.
ReplyDeleteThe year that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, my mom wanted me to put it in the Christmas newsletter. It actually meant a lot to me that she wanted to include it, because it was an important part of that year, and she didn't want me to pretend like it didn't happen.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that Christmas letters do sometimes seem a bit contrived, in that you pretend like everything was great. I think this post was really thoughtful, actually--I enjoyed reading it. And I'm sorry that your year was rough--but I think you did a perfectly graceful job of handling it all. I have had to learn that we can't have everything all together all the time. Or even half the time, really.