Thursday, August 6, 2009

I want my life to count.

I really feel like I am at a crossroads with my life right now. It's like I'm scared to jump head first into adulthood.
I have this itch, the itch to move. To travel. To do something meaningful with my life.
I'm so scared to set up roots, to make a home, to have a routine.
I'm scared because as of late, every morning I wake up and the day involves completely around myself and my little family. I am doing very little outreach to others and it really bothers me.
I'm getting over the fact that you don't have to be a full blown missionary overseas to live for God, but...I still feel the need to go...somewhere.
Maybe it's the gypsy in my blood, maybe it's the fact that I just don't want to grow up.
I'm pretty terrified, because all of a sudden my life is in fast forward and I cannot keep up.
I want my life to count. I want to do more than just survive...but every night I crawl into bed and realize that the day flew by and I didn't even realize it.
Today I realized...really realized that Barclay is 6 months old! That is pretty old! In my head, he's just 3 months at the most.
I just feel like everything is out of control.


  1. Hey come gypsy your way down to my house and spend a few days with us! you will feel responsible and gathered and planned out and such if you spend a day with me! (cause Lord knows I'm not!!!)

    I'm serious. If you just want to try something different come visit us.

  2. Oh Helen Joy! Your life *does* count! God has entrusted you with the most rewarding, most wonderful, most difficult task of raising a little boy to serve Him!!! What could possibly be more meaningful? I know the feeling, though - day after day of the same thing, feeling like you're barely able to keep up. But I have to remind myself to keep things in perspective: I am nurturing and raising the greatest blessing the Lord could possibly give to a young couple - the gift of a baby, an eternal soul!

  3. This is a season. Right now the job entrusted to you is Barclay and your home. Before you know it, he will be leaving the nest and your time will be "your own." For now, it's not. The best outreach you can do is raise a man of God. A good husband. A good father. A man who impacts those around him. You will have an impact on Barclay like no one else ever will. You will affect how he lives his life and affects those around him, for eternity.

    Some days it will feel ike just surviving takes everything you have. Some days you will see a glimpse of eternity and remember.


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