Thursday, May 12, 2011

BC

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I'm hoping it's not the shot of BC I got in my arm that's making me feel a little depressed and crazy, and more the lack of sleep or the vast amount of things I have to do overwhelming me.

Seriously though, I've had a rough time with birth control. The 3 years I was on it were horrible and very crazy. I got off of it to get pregnant with Barclay and after I had him, I was already wanting another baby (sort of holding on to the hope that maybe my second baby wouldn't make me sick). After Sullivan was born I was 99% sure I was done done done. I was so traumatized by the whole experience that I promptly sold all my maternity clothes on craigslist and decided to give all except a very few special pieces of clothes away. But every day that has gone by has really made me realize more and more (and forget more and more the awful sickness) that I want one more baby. Boy or girl. Doesn't matter.
BUT, I am very sure that I want to give my body a good 2 years to get well and healthy before the next baby comes along. I feel like getting pregnant right now would 1.Stress my marriage to the max. 2.Kill me. 3. My children would have to go live with their grandparents. So I decided to do the IUD. That didn't work out so they removed it and gave me the Implanon shot. I got it a week ago and I have had a really hard week since then. A hard time getting out of bed (granted both my children have been up all night and not napping), I've been really irritable and snappy:-( and I've had a really hard time staying motivated.
Sigh. I'm going to give it a few weeks more but if I still feel this way, I'm going to trust the Lord and take it out and maybe try natural family planning (which is hard to do when you are breastfeeding and not having your period).
I believe God has a plan and will give you a child whether or not you are on Birth Control in His perfect timing(as many of my surprised friends have found out!), but I don't want to be irresponsible when I just don't think that getting pregnant again so soon would be good for our family.
I feel like I have only 2 options.
1.Be on Birth Control and have my mental problems return and ruin relationships
2.Possibly get pregnant and have my sickness return and ruin relationships.

What to do, what to do...


5 comments:

  1. We had our first at 23, and after our 2nd was born about 3 years later, we pretty well stopped using BCPs. Extended nursing (avg. of 2 years per child before they're weaned) has kept ours spaced roughly 2 to 3 years apart. Our fifth was born just 3 weeks ago. The more I learn about BC, the more it becomes an issue for me. Trust your heart and go from there. At 16, I didn't plan to have any of my own, only to adopt. Now, I wouldn't trade my 4 racket-making boys and my spunky girl for anything. I home school them and also work from home so they are with me all the time, but it is a life worth living!

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  2. Oh, meant to also mention that I appreciate your blog and am signing up to follow you. If you have time, I hope you'll come by mine and say hello! I am at tillieisms.blogspot.com

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