Heavy Heart

Today I have felt nearly normal. The thought of food did not disgust me at all until 5 pm tonight. That is progress people! Although my body is feeling better, my heart is heavy; so very heavy. We found out Wednesday morning that a sweet friend of ours was killed in Iraq. 22 years old. It's the first person I've personally known to have died because of the war. As much as it just sucks that someone so bright, so compassionate, so full of life, died at such a young age. I KNOW that he loved the Lord. The heartbreaking part is thinking about his family. Parents, 5 brothers and sisters, but most of all I think of his wife. I was the photographer for their wedding 2 years ago and also for their engagement pictures. Although they were young to get married by the world's standards, they had such a maturity about them that was pretty special.

It's a pretty amazing thing to be a photographer. You get to witness some of the most intimate and special moments hidden behind a lense. The way she fit into his arms, the way he lovingly reached for her hand, the playfulness they had was just beautiful to be a witness to. And now, 2 years later, that precious bride is a widow.

My mind is flooded with thoughts...

When you marry someone, you imagine growing old with them. You say you'll be with them forever and you can't imagine loving someone else.

But you also don't plan on loosing the love of your life at 22. With 60+ years ahead of her she must just be shocked to have to rethink it everything.

Babies. I know that is a subject on most wives minds after a couple years of marriage. What if she was so excited about becoming a mom and seeing her husband as a dad? And now, she's back at square one.

How can you go on with your life when the person you thought you'd spend it with is gone? It must be such a huge shock.

The morning I found out, I was angry. Then I read on his Facebook wall, where his Mom had written this:

Jamie - me and dad miss you so much - we know that God had a plan for your life and that His purpose for you life has been accomplished - ...

What a testamony of Christ when a grieving mother can see through the utter shock and dispair of the situation and instead of blaming God, focus that Jamie's purpose for his life, the reason that he was created, had been fulfilled. That calmed and comforted my heart.

Please do keep the McClamrock family in your prayers.