Wednesday, September 29, 2010


I grew up the oldest of five girls. My Dad was rarely home so being surrounded by women is the way I grew up. Marriage was my first exposure to men and all their funny quirks that I don't understand. They are completely different creatures from the way they think to the way the pee.

I remember the day we found out that Barclay was a boy. I was terrified that he would be. Laying on the ultrasound table, the minute they put the goo on my tummy, I knew. I held my breath when they confirmed the news and faked a smile. We got in the car and called all our family and friends to tell them the results. Everyone was so excited. As soon as we were done spreading the news, I broke down and cried. Oh I felt like such a terrible Mom already for feeling so disappointed. Some of the concerns I had were:

"How can I breastfeed a boy?"-I know probably the silliest of all things, but for a few hours I just couldn't imagine doing it.

"He will never love me as much as he loves Noah."-

"I don't know how to play with boys."

"I know everything to play with girls."

"I'm going to be left out."

All my dreams of frilly dresses and tea parties went out the window and I was left with a big question mark over my head.

The next morning, I woke up and I decided I was going to bond with this little boy and start being excited about his arrival. I felt so guilty for being so silly the night before. I started by buying little boy outfits and shoes at goodwill. I would go for hours, sit on the floor, and sort through bins and bins of stained onezies and find pure treasures. Little outfits that are all boy. I started feeling butterflies in my stomach at the sight of all things boy. I started collecting old books about boyhood adventures ( Huckleberry Finn, Tom Sawyer, Treasure Island, Robin Hood ). I based his room off of them and had the time of my life decorating it with all sorts of things I'd find that were classic boy. The day we decided on a name, I started calling him that and felt even closer. I would watch little boys of all ages and see all the great things that made them so special. The way an airplane would make their eyes light up like stars, the mischievous grin on their face when they were caught...all these things made my heart yearn for MY boy.

The day Barclay was born, it didn't matter. Gender was so irreverent. He was gender neutral to me (well...I guess not when poor baby got circumcised...). He was just my baby. The joy of my heart. I didn't think of him as boy or girl. That was probably one of the most surprising things to me about motherhood.

Last week I found out son number 2 is on his way. I wont lie. I cried a little after the guests left from the party. My heart sighed a little for the dresses I've saved in my hope chest that will have to wait for a little girl to wear them. I'd started to convince myself it was a girl. I'd even started calling the baby Lucy. I think, also, with such a hard pregnancy, I was hoping that I'd get a girl and could be done...(fat chance;-)

The morning after, I woke up and started becoming as giddy as a school girl at the thought of my little boy to come.

We've decided on a name, Henry Sullivan George. He'll go by Sullivan. Henry is a family name on my dad's side and Noah and I LOVE it. We actually almost named Barclay that. Sullivan is for Sullivan's Island, SC where my Grandparents lived, where I lived for a few years, and where I have millions of specials memories.

I am loving calling this baby by name. I love talking about "the boys":-) Saying sentences like, "we should put that in the boy's room..." makes it so real! One of the best things I love about having boys is the chance to, with God's help, raise men of honor. What a huge responsibility and what a precious blessing.

Here's to being outnumbered!


  1. Your honesty is so refreshing. I have been convinced for years that I wouldn't know what to do with a boy and would be disappointed if I had one. But it's so affirming to hear someone else say they had the same thoughts -- and that those thoughts went away. I knew you wanted a girl and hoped it would be for you, but you're such a wonderful mommy regardless. Your boys are blessed to have you and Noah. I LOVE the name! And I love Sullivan's Island. Michael and I have been dreaming about retiring there... (How sad is that?! He hasn't even started his career, and we're planning retirement.)

    All that to say thank you for sharing. Love you!

  2. You are going to LOVE having two boys so close in age. Just the other day I overheard John saying, "I love you, Joseph, you're my best friend!" May it always be so! As I sit here and watch them wrestle each other on the floor, I feel so blessed. I know you are going to feel that way, too. And, like you, I still hope for a girl one day! May there be pink in our futures one day, but, if there is not, may we cherish the moments of raising future men of God!


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