Monday, November 2, 2009

Being Cherished

As I've written in my last post. This past week was rough. I felt like I had been through a blender emotionally and physically. One major difference that I have found in marriage (versus being unmarried) is how you are cared for when you are sick.

I remember the first time I was sick a few months into our marriage. I moaned..."I'm sick...." and Noah replied, "I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about it." Very matter of fact.
I have in our four year marriage "train" him that even though he cannot heal the actual sickness, there are many other things that he can do that help my comfort as the sickee.
All in all, just saying, "I'm sorry you're sick" helps a ton!

Last week, I didn't feel very nurtured or cared for by Noah. Sure he did what he was supposed to do. He got up with Barclay after he realized I was in a drug induced coma, he lifted him when I needed him. But I didn't feel that actually compassionate, caring feeling I wanted.

Last night was awful. I yelled at him because all my bitterness over not being taken care of properly really built up. Everything he did hurt me deeper and deeper. Last night I felt like writing him a spiteful email, taking Barclay and leaving... Well that's too dramatic, but I felt awful and I felt like there was no hope on the horizon for us.

This morning I sat down and calmly and clearly explained how he had hurt me and apologized for getting upset/hopping up and down mad the night before.

*I love Noah because I know he is always willing to work on our marriage...and for us personally, that involves a lot of talking.

After about 20 minutes of me sobbing and him attentively listening, it all boiled down to that I didn't feel cherished or pursued. Isn't that the bare bones of what every girl wants?

Noah asked me, what he could do specifically to make me feel cherished. He said, "I hold your hand in public, and touch the small of your back at random times like you like. I provide, I take you out, I hug you, etc...I feel like I am cherishing you."

After being put on the spot, I could not come up with a specific for what would make me feel more cherished. He told me to think about it today and let him know tonight.

I've thought all day and I've come up with...

He does cherish me, and I'm so blessed to have him for my husband.


  1. Hey HJ,

    go check out the 5 love languages book. (its super famous) Brent and I have this issue alot and its because we speak different love languages. To me you show me you love me by saying things to me about how you appretiate me, or doing things around the house or things that I ask you to do. To Brent he shows me he loves me by touching me or buying me presents. So everyone knows mentally that we love eachother but we still come up short in how we feel. Maybe you and Noah speak different love languages and talking in the right language would help you both feel more loved :-)

  2. have you ever read the 5 Love Languages? It TOTALLY changed mine and Bills marriage....we realized we didnt' know how to love the other person the way THEY NEEDED to be loved...we loved them the way WE needed to be loved =) if you haven't read it...I totally recommend it!

    I just realized as I was about to post this that the previous commentor said the SAME thing =) haha

  3. I've heard that is a great book, too, and I think Bruce and I might need to read it soon. I commiserate with your feelings, HJ! Sometimes boys don't "get" it, but ours definitely still love and cherish us, even if we don't see it.


I love comments so leave one:-)