I just feel like Noah and I are in a funk. I do my thing with the kids all day. He does his thing at work. We meet around five...he takes Barclay to the park, I cook and feed the baby...we eat and bide the time till we put Barclay down...then we are both exhausted. He makes phone calls, I want to read status updates of Facebook...then it's time to do it again.
We've been dealing with some very sad, sad things with my sister (who is due today with her little girl) and her marriage ending. It's a non stop, roller coaster of emotions, and it's been going on for 9 months. Sometimes I feel like we pour ourselves into fixing that more than our own marriage.
At times in our marriage, I've been able to see the bigger picture and just enjoy wonderful times of pure happiness. I've been able to see how hard work is worth it. But there are other times...aka...right now that I feel like we're trudging through an endless amount of molasses. It's hard, and you feel like it's never going to end.
I've realized a lot today how MUCH I want to change things about Noah. There are certain things that for our entire 6 year marriage, I've wanted to change about him. And despite hundreds of hours of marriage counseling and work work working on it, they aren't gone. They are still issues.
AND I realize there are certain things about me that Noah would give anything to change...aka...the way I hurriedly do things and break things...the fact that I put CLEAN laundry on the floor, the fact that I would rather decorate our home than clean it...the way I cook and make the biggest messes. These are things I want to change about MYSELF! I try and try and try...but in 6 years I feel like I've just made a drop of water in the ocean of progress. How frustrating! How discouraging. And it just feels like for the next 50 years of marriage every single day will be the same.
Just being honest about how I'm feeling right now about marriage.