Desperate.

One year ago around this time, I was desperate to meet my baby. It wasn't that I was too uncomfortable, or felt too big, or was just over pregnancy. I just wanted the waiting to END. I wanted to meet my baby. And I wanted to quit thinking my water had broken every time I peed.

So one day I just started dancing. I danced hard for 3 hours, but it did not bring on labor...just really painful braxton hix. BUT we got several priceless videos that will haunt me and make me giggle for the rest of my life.

So enjoy this hilarious video of a desperate mommy trying to get her baby out:-)

One Step Ahead-Two Steps Back?

Today in the mail I received a new magazine! No, not Glamour, Professional Photographers of America, or even the Babies r us one...

It was a magazine with inventions for babies and kids. I think it's the equivalent of that magazine in the front pocket of the airplane...for children. Please enjoy the following "got to haves";-)

Yay! Now Everyone can go potty in the comfort and convenience of our suburban's trunk!

#1.That poor girl is never going to be able to not be "that girl who pooped in the back of the trunk for that magazine."

#2. Is this even legal?

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A straight jacket for your thumb. Lovely.

And perhaps the most disturbing...

Don't know what to do with all your stuffed animals? Put them in a bag, where they cannot breath and sit on them.

Seriously, this is stuffed animal cruelty. What kid would really be up for this?

Love Letter

It's been a while since I've written a love sick letter to Barclay on here. Not that I haven't felt them or written them in his baby journal. It's just spilling over today...

Little one,

What joy you bring to me every single day! In the past week I have watched you transform before my eyes into a toddler. You're so different, yet I love you just as much.

Part of me is mourning the loss of my snuggly baby. I miss when you sat still. When your body would just curve with mine. I miss laying next to you and hearing you sigh. I really really really miss nursing you. I miss those sweet moments.

But I am rejoicing in the new things. I'm loving seeing you discover the world one little exciting thing at a time. You dance constantly. You joke with me. I love your little voice. I love holding your hand and walking around. You are such a blessing and fill my heart with such love, pride, and joy.

It was just last year we were waiting for you very impatiently. We just couldn't even imagine what you'd be like. You were worth the wait, worth the pain, worth the sleepless nights. You were worth everything.

Every night I wonder how I could possibly love you anymore, and each new day...I do.

I love you!

Mommy

PS- Please stop biting my big toes...thanks.

embarrassing moment number million

Seriously, sometimes I want to start a separate blog dedicated to me and my embarrassing moments. I promise you, it would be updated daily.

Today's embarrassing moment came when I stuck a tampon in the top of my bra to use later. This morning at church, while talking to a nice, conservative, country type, man I noticed his eyes drifting....to my... well you know. I was sort of shocked at his audacity! (and in church non the less!), then my eyes drifted downward and there was my tampon, sticking out of my shirt.

Wow. The things that happen to me...and the things I forget I've stuck in my bra...

E and E are here safe and sound!

Yesterday my friend Melanie, delivered two beautiful twin girls who are healthy! Praise the Lord!

Miss Eden Joy Murdock weighing in at 5lbs 3 oz.

My little name sake:-)

Eden is just on a little bit of Oxygen but is doing fine other than that.

Look at that pout!

And Miss Emery Nims Murdock weighing in at 3 lbs 8 oz. She's tiny but she's a fighter and has not had to have any medical intervention.

She's a feisty little thing!

Welcome to the world girls! Barclay's going to have a tough time deciding which one he likes best;-)

Now I've got to get well so I can go visit!

Growing with Melanie

Today I'm waiting by my phone and checking Facebook like it's my job. I'm waiting on the word that my precious friend Melanie has given birth to twin girls!

While I'm waiting, I'm just overcome with memories as I think back to my friendship with Melanie and I decided to share.

I met Melanie as a freshman in College. She was on my intramural soccer team. I remember walking to practice with her and asking her how she hurt her leg. (it was purple up and down). She calmly replied that it was a birth mark! My bad!

Before I went to college, I never had a close friend other than my family. It was in college, that I formed very close friendships with four other girls. Melanie was one of them.

When we met, I thought Melanie was very rough around the edges. A military brat, and the only girl in her family, she was complete opposite of me. She was rough and tough, tall, and she didn't take crap from anyone. I was emotional, girly, dramatic...but we loved each other.

I have had the privilege of watching Melanie grow before my eyes. From that rough and tumble tom boy...to today...the mom of two girls! And everything in between:-)

The first time we bonded was our first spring break trip to her grandmother's house in Clearwater, Florida. That trip was quite the time. It involved: nasty breakups, skinny dipping during the day, her grandmother removing her bra at dinner, a REALLY bad sunburn, Melanie removing thousands of splinters from my really badly sunburned tush, lots of talking, and a terrible 12 hour ride home when Melanie decided to drive on the highway for the first time...at 4 in the morning. It also involved Melanie coaching me how to insert a tampon from outside the door. Oh how we bonded!

In college I saw Melanie transform into a woman. My friends and I taught her how to accessorize (and now she is the queen!), we taught her it was ok to show emotions, it was ok to not be hard. She transformed in those four years into a beautiful, confident, loving, caring, feminine but still spunky, God fearing woman.

In college we went through the breakup of who she thought was the love of her life, and the romance of falling in love with who God had for her.

I was in her wedding directly after college (she wasn't in mine since I got married in college and hadn't become as close by then).

I remember on the night before her wedding, we were goofing around and all of a sudden, Melanie looks at me straight in the eye and says,

"If I ever have a baby, I'm giving it to you!"

I watched her work through hard times in her marriage, discovering herself, moving several times (she is now an Army wife instead of an Army brat).

When I was pregnant and sick. I received so many "just because" packages from her filled with maternity clothes, baby things, etc. She is so thoughtful and so encouraging...and yet she doesn't want to receive any glory.

I watched a spark start in her heart the day she held my baby, and just a few months later, she announced she was pregnant!

22 weeks into her pregnancy, I received the shocking news that she wasn't just expecting a girl (she was hoping for one easy boy), but identical twin girls! I was sitting on the steps of the train station in Venice Italy. I screamed like a crazy person and it took me about an hour to believe her!

at 28 weeks, Melanie was diagnosed with pre eclamsia. She's been on bed rest, and in and out of the hospital. A hard thing for someone so active as her. About a week ago, the doctors were ready to deliver at any minute if her blood pressure spiked again. It was then that Ed, part of the 82nd airborne, was told to get ready to be deployed to Haiti. It was a roller coaster of if he could stay or not. Just a few days ago, he was told he could stay, and today they are doing a c-section at 34 weeks exactly to deliver the girls, because of all sorts of medical reasons.

I talked to Melanie last night. She was scared, worried, excited. She was especially worried that she wouldn't get to bond with the girls since they would most likely be in NICU for a few weeks.

Melanie is strong and she is calm. But I hate to see her go through so much with this pregnancy and delivery. I love her so much and I'm just waiting to hear the good news that all three are safe.

I went through Facebook today and took a lot of my favorite pictures of us from it. So enjoy! They are in no particular order!

I've had the privilege to photograph Melanie's engagement, bridal and maternity photos over the years:

An engagement picture I took of Melanie and her now husband and baby daddy, Ed.

Melanie and Ed went to high school together for a couple years. They never talked. One day they reconnected on Facebook (when it first came out) and they've been together ever since. Ed went to West Point and is now in the US Army.

The girl has serious style!

Pregnant with twins!

During my bridal portraits. Melanie came to help hold my veil.

During a 1920's themed dance in college. Mobsters and Mistresses. Guess who was who?

Just a beautiful day at college.

Graduation day!

The fab five

In our friend Rebekah's wedding.

Mel's wedding.

Melanie rocking skinny jeans at her baby shower.

Holding Barclay for the first time. She got the bug...:-)

Yep...and almost a year later....

I got this at goodwill as a joke for her at her lingerie shower.

Melanie goofing around at her lingerie shower.

Christmas one year in college.

Halloween party one year. I was a mermaid and Melanie had to go back to the dorm because of soccer curfew:-(

One of our sorority teas.

My first Christmas as a married lady. This was also in college.

Homecoming one year.

A super hero party in college, I went as Melanie (wearing her soccer jersey and actually, got her in big trouble for it.)

She is my hero though:-)

If you think about it today, please stop and say a prayer for Melanie that the c-section would be smooth, that recovery would be smooth, and that her sweet girls, Eden and Emery are able to breath on their own. And especially that Melanie would be able to bond with them.

Shopping Spree...sort of

Today is the 7th day that I have been holed up in my house because of sickness. I was so over being cooped up! I just cried and cried on the phone to my poor busy husband.

"What am I supposed to do for the 11 hours you're not here and Barclay wants to play. What am I supposed to do all that time?!?!"

Well, I decided to go on a shopping spree even though:

a.We are not spending money on anything other than food this month, because Noah didn't have any closings in January.

b.My only New Year's resolution was to not buy anything.

I had a BAD itch to go to thrift shopping so I went through all our change throughout the house. Counted it, ziplock bagged it with the amount in it written on the bag and headed out. I was cheating, yes. But I found a little loop hole and I'm ok with that.

So look upon my treasures!

This was a beautiful, rather large, original piece of art. It's made out of stone and it simple just like I like. It's Jesus and his mother. I'll look forward to using it next Christmas!

$3.50

These beautiful candle wall hangers. They are iron and very heavy.

They were gorgeous silver and bronze colored. I'm saving them for the yellow and silver room I'm planning in my head for my next house.

$4 for both

A super cheery and brand new make up case. One of mine ripped so I needed one and this is just precious.

$1

These are for Eden and Emery!

(My close friend Melanie is having a Csection and delivering her twin girls tomorrow!!!!)

Their uncle plays for Clemson so I'm sure they'll get a lot of use out of these:-)

$2

This was an awesome stencil on suede. It's brand new with saran wrap around it. I got it for my friend Reba. Partly because it screams her decorating style and partly because I HATE suede!

$3

Two in one. This basket is the perfect size for the CDs I burn of my photography. And it's the color of what I use all around the house.

50 cents.

And that tie. Ever since I've had a little boy I've come to LOVE the colors red and navy together. Very manly. I hope my husband wears it. It was brand new, Tommy Hilfiger.

$1

In college I gave an old gold belt like this to a friend to use as a necklace. I have regretted giving it to her so much;-) because it makes so many outfits! I've been on the lookout and found this beauty. I'll be taking the heart off...but it's a nice chunky piece.

$1

This was an original, old timey bathing suit. 1940s I'm guess? I've got plans for a nice, retro, pin up girl photo shoot planned. Don't worry, I wont be the subject;-)

$3.50

So for less than $20 in quarters, dimes, nickles and pennies. I, not only, got some nice stuff, I saved my sanity for one more day:-)

I'm linking up to Dalomba Days Goodwill Goodies.

The Long Journey...from you know where Part 3

So after falling exhausted, to sleep, we were awakened at 2 in the morning, not by our baby's cry, but by our freezing bodies. We were freezing! It didn't take long to realize that the electricity had gone off if this non winterized, tile, cold Florida home. It was 40 degrees in the house and 20 degrees outside the house. I was freezing and I started freaking out about my baby who wasn't laying next to the human furnace (aka my husband), I went to check on him and his face and hands were ice cold. I scooped him up, which he was not happy about and put him between us. He doesn't breast feed anymore and nothing I could do would calm him down, including trying to breast feed him. We were sleeping on an air mattress too, and that was squeaky and bumpy. So for the next 4-5 hours. We were trying to stay warm and trying to get Barclay to sleep. Thankfully Joel had a sleeping bag that we all three got in and that saved us. Finally at around 6, the electricity came back on and we could sleep without the baby in the bed for a couple hours. When we woke up, we were all three sick and had to pack up/and clean up the house for the newlyweds when the returned. I just sat on the floor and cried and told Noah I couldn't do it. We were miserable. It took us 3 hours to pack our stuff and straighten the place. I literally felt like I was in one of that horrible dreams where you are being chased and can't run anymore because you're running in mud.

We got in the car and we all are winy and tired. We then drive 4 hours to his cousin's house in Tampa.

We had a good time visiting with them, and were glad to be "taken care of" by his very mothering cousin. The next day was emotionally draining as we visited Noah's grandmother in the nursing home who was so far gone from Alzheimer's that she couldn't even say a sentence. We also visited his Grandfather who has been really sick too.

After 36 hours there, we had to again, pack up to leave. Barclay woke up at 6 am so we decided to pack and leave then.

Then we began the LONGEST car ride of our life. On the way down, Noah was sick as a dog and on the way back, I was. I literally sneezed, blew my nose, peed from sneezing (a little sometimes), coughed so much I puked, etc and over and over and over. I used two trash bags of tissue. I ended up giving up and used my shirt, a blanket, whatever was around. It was awful. No fun stoppings to eat here, or random adventures there. We booked it and didn't stop to even eat. 12 hours later we arrived home to collapse into our beds. It was so good to be home!

Since then, I have had a fever, I have coughed so much my brain hurts, Noah has had to work early and late, Barclay has been sick and WINY. We have just been trying to get better but it's not getting any better.

And today I went to get something out of my car and a bag of rotten, wasted veggies greeted me with a horrible smell. So much for that! I'll leave that part out next time I'm packing.

And that's our "vacation" to Florida.

The Long Journey...from you know where Part 2

To continue the story about our recent trip to Florida....

We woke up Friday pretty exhausted from the day before. Noah was still sick but wasn't sweating anymore...he fever had finally broken.

We called the front desk to ask about the Contenintal Breakfast. The conversation went like this,

"Hey, we were just making sure that breakfast was complimentary>"

"I'm sorry, sir, it's not."

"Well it was last night when we called."

"Oh actually yes it is. come get some vouchers."

We ventured down into what seemed a twilight zone of all the Floridians bundled up like snow bunnies...inside. Our waiter was a flaming, middle aged, and very UNstylish man who called Barclay sugar one too many times. We ate as retiree after retiree came up to our table to comment on what a cute baby we have. We have mastered the art of acknowledging their presence and what they are saying, enjoying our meal, and having a conversation ourselves:-)

It was at this meal that Barclay smeared banana ALL over the pants that I had decided would last me about 3 days...

We then get ready for our day. I realized the foolishness of packing last minute. I had forgotten any type of sweater or jacket...and it was FREEZING. I also had packed pretty much no pants and no heels for my dress.

We drive around and get fitted for Noah's tux since he was an usher. We then went to hang out Joel's (the groom) new house. Bachelor pad very vividly describes this place. And pretty much the most unbaby proof house ever. The living room had 4 fold up soccer chairs and a card table. The rest of it was covered in wires which created the great electronic man idol. Several video game systems, and a projector. There was also stairs and cold tile flooring.

It is so exhausting watching a baby in a non baby proof house! After a couple hours there...and some very delicious Cuban food from down the street. We went to pick up the tux, and I had to drop Noah off in front of the hotel, he ran up to change for the rehearsal. He got in and I dropped him off at the church. The church is a huge mega church which is bigger than my college campus. It then took me 25 minutes to figure out how to get out of the church. By the time we got back to the hotel, I'm feeling really lightheaded, and the baby is crying. I then proceed to get dressed for the occasion with my very random and mismatched choices. Then we go back to the church and I attempt for 15 minutes to find the restaurant on campus (it's one of 3).

The rehearsal was lovely, but around 8 pm, Barclay was tired and fussy. We finally left and I was feeling worse and worse. We get back to the hotel and thankfully Barclay goes down right away and I can go to sleep.

Noah sleeps with me for 1 hour then gets up to go play kickball with the groomsmen and then to the bachelor party.

He is still feeling rather bad and I'm worried he'll die the next day if he doesn't sleep.

At 3 am Noah gets back. At 4 am, I am awakened by a violent migraine. I jump into a steaming hot bath (my cure all) and try to calm it down (because my IB profen is in the car which as I stated in the previous post so far away from our room). I then start vomiting in the bathtub, then I have to take a bath again. I then wake Noah up crying and ask him to go get the medicine. He was so sweet and did. It was freezing rain outside at this time. I take it and right around 5:30 it started feeling better and I tried to sleep. Then right when we settled down to sleep, Noah's brother Eric messages us on Noah's phone. It was our first contact with him in almost a month because he was hiking the base camp of Everest. Right when they finished talking, and we started to settle in for a few more minutes of shut eye...Wahhhh

the baby wakes up. We then decide in the wee hours of the morning, that in order to save some money, we were going to cancel our last night at the dirty hotel and stay at the grooms house (since he would be honeymooning).

That meant that I had to drop Noah at the church at 7 am (in the pouring rain), to get ready for pictures since the wedding started at 10.

Then come back and prepare myself, and Barclay, pack up in the room, load up in the car (in the pouring FREEZING rain), check out and figure out how to get our refund and take Barclay to my friend to babysit (25 minutes away).

Dropped Noah off...check. Make it out of the church without getting lost....check.

Go back to the hotel and do the major hike to our room with Barclay. Decide I don't have time to shower, throw all our stuff together. Go downstairs for our free breakfast. No one pays attention to us this morning and I'm ok with that. Go upstairs pushing the worst luggage cart in history. It is so old and squeaky. Go into the room, load up our massive amounts of luggage including the pack and play. Barclay is trying to pull everything off that I put on. I corner in him the room, I finish, I am sweating and starting to feel really sick. I try to push the luggage cart out and realize that the pack and play wont fit through the door. The pack and play is at the bottom of the pile. I have to push it in, recorner Barclay. take everything off. push it through the door and then load up again. I grab Barclay who is mad and crying because he wants to ride on top of it. We manage to make our way down to the lobby without breaking anything. That luggage cart was awful though! I then talk to the guy at the front desk (who thankfully did speak English). It took 15 minutes for them to refund me my money for the night we weren't staying. Remember they didn't have computers and they had to wait for a supervisor to look over their shoulder while they did it. I then asked him to keep an eye on my stuff so I could pull under the front awning to load up everything not in the rain. He agreed. I run with Barclay into the freezing rain, load him up...he is crying.

I then pull up and load up all my stuff. I realize I am running 10 minutes late. I drive to my friend Reagan's house who graciously offered to watch Barclay. The GPS said 25 minutes. In Ft Lauderdale because of the horrible intersections, you might as well add 10 minutes to that. I get to the house, and unload Barclay, his stuff and his pack and play in the freezing rain. I literally can't even say hello. But quickly describe what he needed, then I left him. I've never left him with these people before! But I was going to miss the wedding if I waited any longer. I high tailed it back to the church. Made it to the parking lot at 9:53. Got naked in the car, put on my dress, slipped on my lovely, brown old navy flip flops (I forgot heels darn it...;-) brushed through my hair once, put some eyeliner on and RAN to the church. Make it breathless, get seated by a groomsman who asked why I was so out of breath. I am wet and breathing hard...and cold. And my dreams of looking halfway decent are lost...I look like a drowned rat.

*Time out from the horrible trip*

The wedding was one of the most moving I've ever seen. Joel is a close friend of Noah and he has the most amazing testimony. He was burned all over at the age of 2, but he loves the Lord and spends his time, testifying to the Lord's mercy. He married the most beautiful and sweet girl from Columbia, South America. They walked down the aisle to Lead me to the Cross. I was bawling my eyes out. I've been to over 200 weddings and it was by far the most triumphant wedding march I've ever seen. It was totally glorifying to the Lord and such a precious thing to be a part of.

Back to the day.

After the ceremony, I looked like a drowned rat who had cried for 30 minutes straight. Not pretty. My husband looked so handsome in his tux too...and we didn't get any pictures...because I looked...well you know...

We go to the reception which was moved from the beach to an indoor ballroom because of the freezing rain (this is FLORIDA by the way). But it was beautiful and we ate yummy brunch foods and danced. I started feeling the affects of not sleeping the previous night and...the dreaded sickness. It was still such a blast and I was so thankful not to have to worry about entertaining the baby.

We left before the bride and groom and made it to pick up the baby. Within the first 5 minutes, I had broken Barclay's glass bottle full of milk all over the floor. After visiting with our friend and her family, we put Barclay in the car. On the ride to Joel's house I felt like I was going to DIE. I mean I didn't see how I was going to make it I was so tired, sick, cold, TIRED. We get there and I have to entertain Barclay and attempt to keep him alive in this not baby proof house. I am watching the clock tick tick tick slowly closer to bedtime. At 6:30 I put him down (an hour and a half early) and Noah and I collapsed into bed...Sleeping by 7:30...