Saturday, January 2, 2010

Part 5-The Now

First I want to thank every single one of you who has Facebooked me, called me, written me, commented to me, emailed me about my recent posts on my journey with Bipolar disorder. Not only did it not make me feel stupid for opening up, but it really encouraged me and made me feel like I wasn't alone.

For lots of various reasons, about 2 months ago I almost completely stopped breastfeeding. That sudden stopping of the hormones really has challenged me big time in my emotions. I would say the past 2 months have been rather tough and exhausting. I don't quite know what to think of it. Am I just going through normal hormone withdrawals like every other mother does? Is it more? Should I try to get back on medication? I have yet to feel suicidal. But listless and hopeless? Yes. I have also had lots of bad and angry fights with my husband. I hate being this way. My head is all fuzzy and I don't like myself. I'm pretty sure Noah doesn't like myself much either.

So my story is not over...sigh.


  1. Mmmmm I'd check into it :-/ Weaning babies would make me miss them more and sad for a few weeks but if you're not feeling better now that it's 2 months later you might need to find out what's up. It may be delayed post-partum depression or something else up with your brain chemicals.

  2. I am new to your blog I am having Leslie do my blog as well. I am looking forward to following your blog and I think it takes a lot to courage to open up and talk raw and real. I think it is wondeful and I am sending you big HUGS

    I am a new follower. Pop on by to my blog and follow back if you would like. It is nice to "meet" you!!~ Jewels from A Blonde Walks Into a Blog

  3. I commented once before, I just found you blog through Kellys Korner. I can't stop reading. As the mother of an 11 year old daughter with bi polar symptoms she is only diagnosed with a mood disorder at this point. She is a wonderful girl since we have found the medicine that works. Her angry fits of rage/crying/hurting people have all but stopped. I would encourage you to go see your doctor, there is NO SHAME in having to be on medicine. You desire to be the best wife and mother and if that means taking a pill to help you with that, then by all means be the best you that you can be :) I know I don't know you but mental illness speaks to my heart. My dad also suffers from Bi polar. It would be heartbreaking if your unhappiness transferred over to your baby. I will pray for you.

  4. I would encourage you to go back to your doctor. Both my mother and grandfather are bi-polar. My mother never took medication and she so badly needed it. I suffered greatly from her need to be "medication free". I so do not want to see that happen to your precious little one. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  5. I came to your blog from Kelly's Korner.

    God Bless you for your openess and honesty. You have no idea who you might be helping by posting this on your blog.

    I am very familiar with your diagnosis. At one time in my life, that was a diagnosis that was given to a family member and I read lots of books and studied a lot about it.

    First of all, one of the most important things I learned is this is a medical/chemical illness. You can not "wish" it away. It is a real illness, just like diabetes or high blood pressure. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It is not because of anything you have chosen that you have this disease.

    The other most important thing I learned, is that one of the hardest parts of treating this is that when the patient takes the medication and feels better, they think they don't need it any more and stop taking it.

    I would encourage you to see your doctor. Bless you!


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