Friday, October 22, 2010

Thank You

I cannot thank everyone enough for all the sweet comments, the advise, the commiserating from my last post. Every single one was like a hand grabbing down to save me from drowning.

You know how God promises never to give us more than we can bare? Well He kept is promise and the past two days have been delightful. Praise God! Because one more day of that craziness was more than I could bare.

I think the part that frustrates me is that I cannot make sense of it all. What is it that makes a child scream and cry for weeks at a time, but yet he can be perfectly precious and delightful the next.

A few things I'm learning through this is just more and more MY brokenness and depravity. I am so impatient and so quick to get angry. Patience has never ever been a virtue of mine. And every day that Barclay drives me nuts, I am forced to depend on the Lord's strength and not my own.

It's actually scary the thoughts I have during those terribly intense screaming fits. I consider myself a very attentive, loving mother. And if I can think violent thoughts (just being honest here), what about women who don't even want their children? Thankfully I am very good about putting Barclay in his crib and shutting the door when I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I don't want anyone to fear for Barclay's safety, I just wanted to openly admit how quickly my thoughts can turn from complete love for Barclay to rage.

It amazes me how God is refining me even in my daily grind of a life.

3 comments:

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  2. I've thought the exact same thing since becoming a mother! If I can get so frustrated with my little guys sometimes, when I love them so much and am a fairly controlled person ... what about those unsaved mothers who view their children as a nuisance and don't tend to be very controlled people? It's really scary when you stop to think about it!

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