Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Dear World

Dear World,

Sometimes when I'm sitting in my house alone with this screaming child, I feel crazy and I feel very very alone. Sometimes just blogging or writing a facebook status helps, oddly.

My child will not stop screaming. I have spanked, given time outs, cried. Nothing works. It's like he's the toughest child ever and nothing phases him.

I feel like I'm about to go into labor because 6 times today I had to wrestle him for 10 minutes to get him in his car seat.

My breaking point was when he asked for cookies (animal crackers). I told him he had to eat a hot dog first. He threw that on the ground and started banging his head on the ground. Then I got him so Naked Juice (which is veggies and fruits). He looked up at me with hate in his eyes and deliberately poured it on our red recliner. Now he's in bed crying after a spanking.

I am so upset that I wanted to do something drastic. So I immediately went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of milk and put a bunch of ovaltine in it and chugged it.
Made me feel a little better...too bad it's my second glass of the day...

Seriously. I cannot do this anymore. But what do I do? I can't start over, I can't give him away...I feel like I am making zero headway.

Anyone have any tips I haven't heard of for disciplining a child this age?

If one person can just comment on this post with a simple "I'm sorry"...I think I wont feel so alone.

Thanks,
Drowning my sorrows in Chocolate Milk....

20 comments:

  1. Oh friend. I am sorry this is happening to you. My encouragement would be to pray whenever he starts to try you. The Holy Spirit is a powerful and wonderful counselor. He alone can give you real wisdom and true comfort.

    I pray that this season will pass QUICKLY and you will be able to learn through.

    I also think you should take some video of Barclay throwing his tantrums to show him when he is older. Or maybe at his wedding. Or when he has kids of his own one day. :)

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  2. I'm sorry, HJ. I travel through Hendersonville on Wednesdays around noon if you ever need a reprieve or a quick hand with anything. Call me!

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  3. Dear Helen Joy! You are such a beautiful Mama. And I think drinking Ovaltine is a perfectly acceptable coping device. I might try it next time I have a paper due (which is the only equivalent to child-raising I have at the moment; it doesn't compare).

    I have no tips. But. . . I love you, and I'm so sorry!

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  4. I'm so sorry. I can identify. You are not alone. : )

    It really is rough to know what to do when they throw temper tantrums. I wonder sometimes if I should just ignore them, since they're mainly just to get attention or what the child wants. Little Tait's temper tantrums normally consist of stomping his feet. When I tell him to stop that, or ignore him, he then hits, throws, or shakes something. He normally gets a spanking for that. Or, he just falls on the floor. No crying; he just falls to the floor. We sternly tell him "Get up." He gets up, and everything's fine. Toddlers are weird sometimes. : )

    I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. It's terribly difficult to cope while you're pregnant! Hang in there!

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  5. I'm sorry.

    Hoping and praying for you and your little man.(and the little one waiting for his grand entrance!)

    Take care of yourself.

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  6. You are SO not alone!! Strong willed was John's middle name and I think Joseph is following closely in his brother's footsteps! With John, I think that 18 months to 2 years was my hardest time, going through a lot of what you are going through with his attitude and then having a new baby on top of that. Things got better from 2 years to 2 1/2 and then rough again from 2 1/2 to 3 (although not as bad). It's like every 6 months, he changed (maybe it was just the Lord giving me some reprieve!). I remember last Thanksgiving when John was 2 1/2 looking back to the previous Thanksgiving when he was 18 months, and thinking, "Wow, we have come SO FAR!" Stay consistent with your discipline. Let your "yes" be "yes" and your "no" be "no." Slowly, slowly, you will start to see improvement. Then, something will happen and you'll feel like a failure again. Then, you'll see some more improvement. We're still not "there" yet with John, but there are days when I think, "Wow, this is such a good, sweet boy." Those days seem to occur more and more often the older he gets. I know without a doubt that you are a WONDERFUL mom and that you are the best Mom Barclay could ever want or need. If you need ANYTHING, email or call me. I really do feel like I've been there once and am in it again right there with you, so I can completely relate. Hang in there and know that God is good and that, "He who began a good work in you (Barclay!) will carry it to completion!" Romans 8:28 Love you!

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  7. Love your blog! And I can totally relate to your situation. Just keep breathing, this phase WILL pass! I am also a young mother, and I would love for you to follow my blog a well. I think it is good for us mothers to swap advice, stories, and ideas!
    http://mysweetlittlesteinerfamily.blogspot.com/

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  8. Titus is in that as well. Some days, I feel exhausted and defeated. I have to pray for God to fill in the gaps of my parenting often.

    I asked an older, wiser lady for any tips on the terrible 2's and she said...

    "It passes."

    Not great for the moments of crazy, but I'm trying to be consistent and choose my battles. Easier said than done for me.

    Blessings friend!

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  9. Oops -- I was just reading for my Bible study and that verse I quoted was actually Philippians 1:6, not Romans 8::28...my bad! :)

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  10. I'm sorry, HJ....if you need anything, let me know. Parenting is the toughest job in the world, as we are given the challenge of raising someone who will enter the adult world. The sweet nights where I'm laying beside him listening to him tell me a Bible story act like a magic eraser...erasing all of the negative things that happened throughout the day. I keep telling myself on the days I want to ship him to China, to remember those nights...

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  11. I'm appreciate your writing skill.Please keep on working hard.^^

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  12. I appreciate you sharing so much of yourself. you are brave for just doing that alone. I feel your pain, I have a 2 year old boy, and he is WILD! And that is an understatement. I find that not going off the deep end helps, if I remain calm, he usually looks and me like, "who is that, this woman is nuts, where is my crazy mother". And he begins to calm down. I believe that children are striving for independence from the time they take their first breath. Just take some deep breaths, and find a mommy's day out. You need a break. Keep your head up, it will be okay. (a little holy water works also, :))

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  13. When my son was younger, we tried everything to stop the temper tantrums. Spanking didn't work, reasoning certainly didn't work... We finally realized that the only thing we could do at the time was to let him get it out of his system at that moment. We (luckily) had an extra room at the time that didn't have anything important or of value in there. That was his tantrum room. Whenever the tantrum came on, we picked him up, put him in the room, and closed the door. He began to learn that when he was done, he could come out when he was ready to act loving again. He hated to be alone at the time, so the tantrums eventually began to get fewer and fewer. Trust me when I say there was a lot of prayer involved in this situation. I don't know if the tantrum room worked, or if it was simply the Lord's intervention, but thank God it ended.
    Once he got older, we realized that spanking still didn't work. We found out what was really important to him (his sports, toys, time with friends), and when he began to act out, or become disagreeable... We took things away. He realized that he could either act lovingly and have his 'things' or he could act up and be without. It didn't take too long for him to understand how it worked inthe house. You're in our prayers...

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  14. I'm so sorry, Helen Joy. It WILL get better. He will not be this age forever. My nephew started going through tantrums (kicking, hitting, screaming, the whole shebang) when he was about a year and a half, and he is now 3 and just starting to show signs of coming out of it. (hopefully it wont be that long with Barclay!) but he is SUCH a sweet kid now, using his manners, saying "ok" when we tell him to do something... every now & then he will show signs of his old ways, but he is making progress & so will Barclay!! It's ok to be frustrated!!

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  15. Hi Helen Joy! I know I haven't said anything lately, but I do know a little of what you are experiencing right now. I am working in a daycare/preschool center where I am a teacher assistant for children ages 18 months to 24/30 months old. Can you imagine being in charge of not one, but 6-8 children all the same age as Barclay? This is a very difficult age, believe me! I like what some of the others said, about just hanging in there, being consistent, and knowing that "this too shall pass!"
    Thinking of you... Lillie

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  16. I'm reading a helpful little book right now called, "Don't make me count to three" by Gretchen Plowman. I know you don't have time for reading-- but even just breezing over a couple chapters might helpful. I've found it to be very practical.
    Hope you find something that works!

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