Monday, June 21, 2010

This pregnancy has already been so different from my other two. I find myself saying things differently, like, "We're hopefully going to have a baby in February." or "I'm pregnant." instead of, "Barclay is going to be a big brother!" Or "We're expecting a baby in February." Those statements are just so sure, and I'm not.

I didn't come up with some elaborate and creative way to tell our families and friends. I wanted zero stress so I just told everyone I came in contact with. I didn't worry if one person would tell another before I got to them. Because in the scheme of things, it doesn't matter.

I can't help it but I'm checking at least 20 times a day for blood and every twing I feel in my lower stomach worries me. I'm not talking names and nursery colors, and I don't care if it's a girl or a boy. I'm just taking it a day at a time and trying to not worry.

Another thing that is different is I feel guilty. I feel like, why did God bless me again when so and so has been waiting so much longer than me? I feel guilty that when I put it on Facebook today, some poor woman's heart was stabbed with sorrow that yet another person was where they wanted to be.

But no matter all the little things that weigh my heart down, I can't help but stop every minute or so and smile really big because I have a baby inside of me:-)


  1. HJ we will be praying for you :) It was good to see you at the wedding as well. You are SUCH a great mother...I can tell that and I don't even get to see you that often. I think it's probably natural to have all of the emotions that you do, even though I am not in your shoes. I was looking through my devtional book, and came upon Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. These verses talk about how there is a time for everyhing like there is a time to weep, and a time to laugh. All of those verses are periods of time we go through in life, and it's okay even if they aren't all pleasant. Anyways, I hope that is somewhat encouraging but those verses made me think of you right now.

  2. I totally understand how you feel. Those thoughts consumed my life when I was pregnant with Wyatt but the farther you get along the better you feel! Try to find things to make you relax because dress is not good which I am sure you know. I will keep you in my prayers. Love you!

  3. Ugh I thought I posted my name...The Anonymous comment is from me, Kristen Turner. :)

  4. I am soooooo super excited for you!!!

  5. The curse of a Mama who suffered a miscarriage is that you will never again have an easy, anxiety-free first trimester. I thought I would take it much easier this time, but I found myself doing all the same things you are. We didn't tell anyone I was pregnant until I was 11-12 weeks for fear that it wasn't meant to be. And of course, this pregnancy ended up being unique because I had a survivor and a miscarriage, all in the same shot.

    I'm part of a support group online for Mamas who are trying to conceive. Many of us have sad, sad stories to tell, so I can relate to being nervous about making a FB announcement. So many of my friends have suffered infertility, are still waiting for that elusive BFP (big fat positive!), or have suffered losses, even into the 2nd and 3rd trimesters. But we're all sisters and I know that even though they have struggles, they are happy for me when I post updates. So do your thing, Mama! You have so many supporters and fellow mamas wishing you well, and we're all pulling for you!

    And truly - keep taking it a day at a time. Any day that you are pregnant is a good day!

  6. So happy to be reading this post...



I love comments so leave one:-)