To my spunky boy on his 4th birthday

Oh my baby!  

I cannot believe you are 4 years old today!  I feel like you’ve been with us forever and yet 4 seems so grown up to me.
 
The second they placed you in my arms, I’ve never felt such an instant love.  Ever since that moment you have proved over and over again that my heart could practically double in size every day.
It’s such an honor to be your mommy.  I watch you from afar and my heart just swells with gratitude that I get to spend every day with you.  You make life so wonderful and rich.
 
This past year I’ve watched you transform into a much calmer child.  Right after your 3rd birthday we discovered your severe allergy to gluten and you have been so much happier and calmer than before.  You still are extremely strong willed and that proves to be an everyday challenge.  I know that strong will, if pointed in the right direction will serve you well in the future.  Your daddy calls it “leadership qualities”.    

I adore your imagination.  I’ve been around a lot of kids your age and you, by far, have the best imagination.  Every morning I wake up and hold my breath as I await you to declare what you will be that day (a superhero, a fixer man, a cat, a baby, a daddy...)  One of my favorite things is to sit back and just watch you as you weave an imaginary world around you.  You never need toys to have a wonderful time.  You find the strangest things on the ground and turn them into all kinds of things.  Scraps of wood quickly become tools, fingernail clippers become your pocket knife, ect.  

You are the friendliest child.  No matter where we go you are making friends and having deep conversations.  Your childlike honesty is so refreshing and sometimes embarrassing:-)  The other day at the zoo you saw a very old man and said, “Wow!  You must be a cowboy!  Well actually you are much too old to be a cowboy.”
I love that you genuinely care and love everyone.  You will approach the grungiest of men with the sweetest of conversations.  You spread such joy everywhere you go.  I’m so proud of you.

You are caring and compassionate.  Any time anyone is sad you immediate are by their side trying to make it better.  Countless times this past year you have curled up next to me in sad moments and just rubbed my arm sweetly saying, “It’s going to be ok, mama.  I love you, mama”.  
Countless times I wake up to your sweet little hot hands holding my face and saying things like, “good morning beautiful mama!”.

You are a mess.  All boy.  Completely mischievous and rough and tumble.  I love it.  I cried for days when I found out you were a boy.  I never thought I could connect with a boy.  I love it.  I love how dirty you get every day, how when you want to show love to your brother that you tackle him giggling the whole time.    

Speaking of your brother, watching ya’ll play and talk is the best thing ever.  Yes, you beat eachother up nearly every hour but equally you hold his hand, speak sweetly to him and are constantly in tune to his needs.  You are the best big brother.

You are spunky.  You have the cutest little wayward smile that is just the epitome of a boyish grin.  You’re going to be a heartbreaker.

This past year your heart has softened and opened up to things of the Lord.  Countless times throughout the day I hear you singing sweetly songs about Jesus.  

It’s a bittersweet thing watching you grow and become more independent.  You can now dress yourself completely.  I know one day you will leave and become a man with a life of his own.  I pray so much that above all else that you are confident in the love of your parents and most of all the unconditional love of your heavenly father.

I feel like I have captured nearly every moment of your life and held it in my heart.  I can completely remember sitting for hours upon hours holding your cooing, sighing body on my chest.  Watching every little detail of your face, toes, fingers dreaming of what you would one day be.  I remember giggling with you in the grass and picking out animals out of the clouds, and having tea together when Sullivan is napping.  There are thousands of crystal clear memories in my heart that I will treasure forever.  And there is room for years and years more of them.

Now when I hold you, your feet dangle past my knees. I still love to hold you tight and sway as I sing "our song".

I am so far from a perfect mother but you love me.  We are learning this together.  
Barclay Thomas, God is using you to refine me.  Everyday I learn so much about how God loves me, because of how I love you no matter what you do.  
Thanking God for another year of being your mother.  

I love you just the way you are.

Love your Mama