Friday, February 22, 2013

Nudest hippy with spurts of june cleaver every other day

-My boys bleed, scrape, fall, cry AT LEAST twice each...every single day.  Is this normal?  Are they especially clumsy or something?  I'm a really compassionate person but it has gotten to the point where I am so immune to their cries and so calm in the presence of blood (this is coming from someone who used to faint when we talked about blood in science class).  Last Saturday Barclay split his head open and I scooped him up, went back to the living room and promptly tried to finish up a Downton Abbey episode, all while semi comforting him.  I mean REALLY, this kid cries all the time.  It was like a minute before the dripping blood on my arm got my attention.  Poor kid had to get his head glued up.  Even yesterday when I was signing them up for childcare at the gym, Barclay happened to climb something and slip and bite through his tongue.  I am a compassionate person I promise but I barely blink anymore at the constant accidents.

-I seriously want to know if I am going finally be pregnant this summer.  The style coming out in regular clothes is SUPER cute and I want to buy some new clothes if I am not going to be sporting a bump.  Last summer I was 100% certain I would be pregnant and really felt I missed out on some cute stuff because I was just sure I wouldn't be able to wear it.  A whole season down the drain.  I will say pretty much every time the style of normal clothes is cute and cut showing off the waist, I get pregnant...also the adorable maternity style seems to be taking a turn for "businessy" which means the odds are in my favor;-)  I'm never in the style that is cute if that makes sense.

-I hate feeding my children.  HATE it.  One of the mental pictures I had in my head growing up was me in the kitchen cooking up healthy yummy food for my family with children pleasantly playing underfoot.
REALITY...Barclay has allergies that limit our family meals and he hate almost everything he's not allergic to.  Also Noah is picky too.  It all goes down like this 90% of the time:
I'm in an already messy kitchen racking my brain of what to possibly feed them again.  Pinterest fails me every time because the delicious allergy free foods have weird textures that Barclay wont touch.  So I am stepping on cheerios from breakfast with my bare feet, and possibly (LIKELY) popcorn from the boys play session with trucks.  Both kids are usually crying from lack of my undivided attention (poor dears!) and I look a hot mess.
Today at lunch after heating up meatballs (a meal I was hoping to add to our short list) I noticed they had gluten in them and were also spicy.  So I proceeded to feed hotdogs and bread.  Since Barclay couldn't have bread and butter I gave him butter...on a fork because I felt so sorry for him.

-I have come to realize that staying busy with my photography is key in keeping me out of the quick pit of depression.  I feel guilty about it (I mean I am basically saying blissful domestic life doesn't fulfill me).  I just find if I don't have stuff to do I usually do nothing.  But when I do have stuff to do, I keep up better with stuff.

-God is working big time on my heart.  Every day (cheesy as it sounds), my heart is softening and my eyes are being opened to the "big picture".

-The thing in life I am most terrified of at this point in time, is that I will not be able to have another child.

-I daily swing back and forth from being a super put together, 5th avenue-esque mom with beautiful clothes, adorable hair, made up face AND a nudest hippy.

-I cannot shake this feeling.  The feeling of playing house.  I mean, is this all a dream?  Am I really a mom (and not even a new mom at that?).  Am I really at this point in my life where I thought I might have it a little more together than I do.  I genuinely cannot believe that I am nearing 30 and am this unprepared and fly by the seat of my pants (in a bad way).

-Admission.  In the rare instances where life is very june cleaver-ish I make sure I document them with instagram.  This include random beverages I am drinking (not including out of the carton oj), amazing angles of me from my iphone that don't include anything below my neck, bragging pictures of clean rooms, amazing meals I cook (once every two weeks)...

ps-the hotdogs are organic


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