Unquenchable Joy!

I am pregnant.

I'm in shock!

I can't stop the joy from overflowing from my heart.

Just a few days ago I wrote this post. I had started my period and was so disappointed. I grieve for about two days, then I decided to move on. While I was moving on, I was feeling pretty awful. The weird, tired, annoyed with everything awful that I have only experienced with pregnancy. I was riding home from a goodwill trip with my mom and sister, we had a movie night planned and I simply couldn't imagine not going to bed at 8 o'clock that night I was so tired. I opted to back out and go home. I thought to myself, I'm either pregnant or I have mono. I had one test left from a three pack under my sink. I had also noticed that my period was really odd and never really got going. The next morning I took a test and was greeted with two pink lines.

I was in such shock and Noah was out of town so I just sat there in awe of what I was looking at. Then started the trickle of fear in my heart. Was I miscarrying again because of the bleeding? The joy that I felt the last two pregnancies had lept forth from my heart and I couldn't contain it. I sat there for about 20 minutes and just felt the fear pushing the joy out.

Throughout the day as I told friends and family the news (I know, I cannot keep a secret to save my life), and talked to nurses, doctors, midwives. The joy started winning.

I've decided to choose joy and to celebrate this life that God has BLESSED me with, however long that may be!

Today I found out I can:

have a glass of wine or 1o

ride rollar coasters

go to a water park and go on the big slides

go tubing

have xrays done

drink as much coffee or caffeine that I want

plan a trip nine months from now

But I wish that I couldn't do any of them.

Silly Little Blessings

So far 2010 has been a very hard year. I have felt like God has be "out to get me" a couple of times. I think just having that mindset in my head has really affected how I view my life and each daily challenge or task. Almost MAKING life harder than it is because of my attitude. Last week I just was so frustrated with life; with mothering, with being a wife, with being a friend. Everything was so hard from the moment I woke up till the moment I lay down. I almost wanted to run; run far away from responsibilities, bills and decisions. Just to be free from the daily grind.

It's funny how God can speak to me in my busy life even if I don't make time for Him. Even if I'm doing something totally mundane.

Today after a frustrating morning of errands, I had one last stop to make with Barclay. The grocery store...my nemesis. I was dreading it and it was apparent I was already set up for failure. I was just waiting for the temper tantrum or the fruit I'd knock over, or the debit card I might have left in the car. We walked in and Barclay's eyes just light up with wonder as he saw all the helium balloons at the floral department.

"Bloooon! Blooon!" He excitedly squealed.

In that moment I realized that I could have moved on and gone to get what I needed. Or I could stop and get him one. Because I was his mother and my job is not only to nourish him, protect him from danger, teach him right from wrong, my job is also to delight and bless him. So I bought him a $2.00 Curious George Balloon which he hugged and kissed and loved on. It didn't stop him from fussing or me from forgetting the main ingredient I needed. But it gave him joy and I had a heart bursting with joy watching how excited he was.

In that grocery store God really reiterated (like he has this whole year), that yes, He has his plans for me, and often times they aren't what I have planned for myself or my family. Often times I get sad or downright mad that things aren't working out. But it reminded me of the many times I have to take Barclay away from doing something so fun (like sticking my barrette into the outlet behind our bed), because I know it isn't best for him. And I have so many other wonderful things for him (like swimming, playing ball, petting a dog). But he can't see past it. He only sees it as I am out to get him and take away from all his fun. But how BEAUTIFUL it is to bless him. And I know God wants to bless me, and DOES bless me every single day. I just need to focus on that instead of the frustrations.

And just when I was leaving the grocery store, the cashier from Starbucks (I had pined after an ice coffee when I came in for about 1/2 a second and moved on), ran outside and brought me a sample of an ice coffee. I must have smiled so big because as I sipped that coffee out to the car and I realized how God must have been enjoying the joy that silly little blessing brought his child.

If you want to feel better about yourselves...

What have I been doing the past couple of weeks?

Swimming at the pool with Barclay

Traveling to Charleston twice

Augusta once

Columbia once

Watching my grandmother die

Burying my grandmother

Spending time with precious family members

Photographing two weddings

Doing 2 other photo shoots

Editing photos for hours upon hours

Celebrating births

Grieving over losses

It has been a LONG couple of weeks.

You know what I haven't been doing?

NOT responding to emails of facebook messages:-/

NOT getting pregnant:/

NOT keeping up with my house/car/yard/garage.

It has overtaken me and has become impossibly unorganized and therefore messy and overwhelming.

Please take a gander at our garage. I'm only showing you to:

#1 As a service to you, improve your feelings about yourself

#2 Motivate me to have it organized and cleaned by Wednesday!

Yes. That is an baby swimming pool full of trash from our cars...

So, if Thursday rolls around and I'm not posting all my bragging pictures of my perfectly organized Garage...hmmm I guess just don't do anything about it because it just means I found something better to do. Probably swimming with Barclay:-)

This is beginning to look a lot like Horders...

When I'm Overwhelmed...

For some reason, if I'm ever really overwhelmed (more than usual...I think I may be overwhelmed till I die), and I just want to sit on the couch and watch mindless TV and let someone else chase the toddler all around and remove him from dangerous situations, I have a little "go-to-solution" that is fun and seriously always gets my house clean and me feeling out of my funk.

It's such a dance and I don't like getting messed up so it is better done when it is just me and Barclay. Or just me. It goes like this:

Watch a mindless show until the commercial break. Pause it (we have DVR the best invention ever). Set the alarm on the stove for 10 minutes and pick a room. For 10 minutes straighten that room. It's actually fun! It's a race and I know it will be over in 10 minutes. It's pretty much amazing how clean a very dirty room can get after just 10 minutes of steady attention. Then I do something for myself. Like get dressed (yes, about half of these are done with my ratty robe flying open to reveal my nekedness) or brush my teeth. Then I go back and watch till another commercial break.

So that's about 18 minutes per room...I have nine rooms...that's about 3 hours. But I will have watched a few shows, cleaned almost my entire house, and usually I'm decently ready for the day...or bedtime...whichever comes first.

That's just my weird but normal way to get stuff done on days I don't want to do a thing. Today is one of those days. So I'm sitting here in my robe, staring at Facebook and trying to get Barclay to stop eating unpeeled bananas, and I thought if I wrote about it...I wouldn't have to do it.

I think I'll watch HORDERS...that usually lights a fire under me.

I just can't write. I have too much in my heart and a lot of fun to be had with Mr Barclay. Hopefully soon the urge will hit, but every time I sit down to write, it's too much.

Goodbye for now.

My sweet Grandmother is at last with her Jesus.

I can't believe she's gone.