Dear Love #3

Dear Love #3,

Oh my baby, my heart sings every time I lay eyes on you. I cannot imagine my life without you in it.

You are pure joy, all bottled up in the softest, chubbiest baby I've ever seen. Every time I speak to you, you burst into a smile and clutch your hands together in ecstasy. It is the cutest thing.

You have added so much to this little family that felt just fine at 3. You are the perfect additon and blessing from God.

I think back to last year when we lost our little twins, my heart was so sad, and you have greatly help heal it.

I cannot stop kissing you. You are so soft and kissable. You wake up a lot in the middle of the night, but I don't mind that much because it's our special time together. Time without jealous big brothers, or dinner that needs to be cooked. It's just me and you:-)

Oh little Sullivan. I love you so much and I know it's gonna just grow as the years go on. I cannot wait to see your little personality unfold even more this year.

You are my little love,

Mama

Dear Love #2

Dear Love #2,

Tears fill my eyes every time I think of you. You are quite an amazing little boy, even at just 2 years old.

You love so many people so much. Your sweet, loving spirit is so evident when you arrive at the pool, spread your arms out and exclaim with joy, "These are all my fwends (friends)!" I love that you don't know a stranger and that you welcome all kinds of people into your heart.

You are so smart and so curious and so excited about everything. I love just sitting and watching you play. I always end up laughing so hard because you are so precious!

You love all things boy. Trucks, motorcycles, tractors, boats, cars, etc. You can spot them from a mile away. Whenever I'm not with you, I find them and think of you:-)

You are wildly emotional. This makes for some tough times sometimes, but it is such a beautiful quality you have in so many ways.

I'm so glad you're in a stage where you like to snuggle with me sometimes. The other day you were sick and I just curled up on the couch with you and we took turns rubbing each other's back. You were whispering the whole time, "I love you more, Mommy." My heart was melting!!! I love that when you are watching your TV show Shaun the Sheep, you say, "Please sit with me, Mama!" I think that your love language is quality time. I hope that for the rest of my life, I can summon up your sweet little voice in my heart.

You have finally started to love on Sullivan instead of be jealous of him. You get so excited when he smiles or coos. I think you hug his neck about 30 times a day and kiss him twice that much!

I get so worried when I think about this sinful, ugly world. I want to protect you and keep you from hurt and harm. I am learning to trust the Lord with you and just do the best I can.

Barclay Thomas George, I cannot believe how much I adore you. I feel like a love sick girl who wants to do nothing more but write you love letters and think and talk about you.

I hoep you will always know how much your Mama loves you and treasures you.

Love,

Your Mama

Dear Love #1

Dear Love #1,

This summer makes 11 years since I laid eyes on you and instantly fell in love. So much has changed...We've done most of the changes side by side, and I am so thankful. You have proven yourself over and over that you are a man of honor, and I am so proud to be your wife.

You have worked so hard. The first few years of our marriage were scary because you had a job change and had to start from the bottom. It thrills me to see how far you've come, not only in the amount of income you bring in (thank the LORD it is more than 25 dollars a day!), but in the way you handle yourself, in the way you set goals and reach them. I'm sorry for all the times I didn't encourage you to dream big. I am so proud of you! I am also so proud of your genuine care for your clients. I've seen you give up commissions in the better interest of a sick client, clients going through divorce, etc. God has blessed you because you honor him and because you are honest.

I love the home we've made together. I love that we are on the same page when it comes to opening our home to people. I cannot imagine being married to someone who never wanted guests and who was more concerned about a "perfect" home than hospitality.

I love the father you. Sigh. It melts my soul. I wasn't sure at first, how you would be with fatherhood, but you smashed all my worries in the first moments of Barclay's life. You have embraced it and I love it so much. I'm so thankful you play with Barclay every day after work and I am so thankful that it isn't a task, but a joy.

I'm so thankful for the way you challenge me every day to set goals and strive to be better in all areas. Although it is exhausting, your motivation and zest for life is so refreshing!

I'm so grateful for your encouragement in the Lord. Every time I've found myself with doubts, you have so strongly pointed me to Christ.

Thank you for your love and encouragement even though I am a handful sometimes, emotionally. Thank you for your sweet head rubs and hugs throughout the day. Thank you for not giving up on me, even when I give up on myself.

A month ago, we celebrated 6 wonderful years together. In those six years: I've graduated from college, we've gotten pregnant three times, we've birthed two beautiful sons, we've mourned two little lives, we buried three grandparents and many friends, we've dealt with sickness and a lot of family issues. Even though these things were hard, you were by me and I by you and that has made things so much less traumatic.

I have loved growing with you, Noah George. You are my love.

Helen Joy

We are weird

Noah and I are so weird. In addition to constantly being on the go 24/7 we no longer sleep in any sort of predicable fashion. We start the night with both of our heads at the foot of the bed for some reason, and during the 7 or so hrs of sleep, I get up to nurse the baby several times. I usually move my head to the head if the bed so Noah won't roll over on the baby. Occasionally, I'll wake up sideways on the bed. It's really sort of nuts and not very relaxing. Nights lately are very "twighlight zonish".



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New loves

There are a few new loves I mine I want to share, even though everyone probably already knows about them!

1. iPhone
I have never wanted a smart phone before. I was content with my 4 year old LG flip phone. But Noah convinced me to try an iPhone with our upgrade...and I'll never go back. I'm pretty anti technology; I prefer living simply simply. BUT this phone has majorly simplified my life. Everything is on this little device. My music ( we had no iPod before), my email, my blog, my lists, recipes I want to try, my calendar and planner, my video camera ( I have caught so many precious moments since it's always with me!), a pretty decent camera, my gps... I can watch Netflix too!
Plus I can post pictures to Facebook all the time.
I love it!!!!! I can get so much done in one nursing session! I'm so thankful for something that slightly keeps me organized and less of a crazy mess:)

2. Weight watchers
I have lost 8 lbs in 6 weeks! I know i coild have lost more if i wxcercised or if i didnt use every single point and extra point. But its wedding season and the fact that im loosing instead of gaining makes me really happy. I think im going to do it for the rest of my life because i have no self control:)The free app on my iPhone helps me sooo much. I can look up points and recipes at any time.

3. Pinterest.com
Ooohhhh my goodness! I am in love!!! It's like walking through an art gallery any time you want. It's so inspiring. I have found yummy recipes, diy ideas, photography ideas... I love it! It's so relaxing! Aaand there's a free app for it. Because I have no time to sit and do that at the computer. But I do pee and wait in line and nurse like 10 times a day:)

4.Zulily
It's like Groupon for kids stuff:)
I bought the boys 12.99 crocs! It's fun to just browse too:)
Go here to register for free.
Click here to register for free!

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Being able to think

I am writing this from a hotel room where Sullivan and I have had a full 24 hours to ourselves. This has involved laying in bed, swimming, eating, repeat. Noah had a conference in GA and a hotel paid for so we left Barclay with my mom( thanks mom!) and came to enjoy the hotel while Noah is in meetings.

Oh my goodness I needed this!
I was beginning to go a little crazy. Like I felt like every second of my life was taken up. I have been running around like a crazy woman for the past six weeks. My mind was muddled and I couldn't make decisions, and I was overwhelmed with the desire to be better at everything, to strive for improving the millions of aspects in my life that are so sub par. I just felt like my life was always going to be so crazy that I couldn't ever ever ever catch up.

It's amazing what 24 hrs of being able to think has done for me. I still feel overwhelmed and tomorrow I jump right back in the craziness. But I am just encouraged, this is a season. A crazy, chaotic, non stop, precious, FUN season. One I'm sure I'll look back on and wish with all my heart I could have back. My main thing is I'm determined to press through and just do what I can. I have got to stop getting discouraged. I will drown if I stop.
I have really gotten to fall even deeper in love with Sullivan. What a blessing to just be able to play with and love on the little guy without a big brother tugging at me, begging for attention.
And starting in about a half hour I have 24 hours with my husband too! We need it. I feel most days we are just working together to just keep the children alive and trying to barely stay afloat. I think snuggling and talking will be a welcome reenergizer. I love him so much!






If you had told me when Barclay was little, that I would think thy being in a hotel with "just" a baby was a blissful vacation, I would have thought you were crazy! But this little guy is nearly perfect:) Amazing how perspectives change.


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Random Thoughts from my Already Random Head

-I am determined to find the perfect way to make a microwave s'more. I have tried several different ways, and they're all delicious!

-Noah's 99 1/2 year old grandmother died last week. She died almost to the day (a year later) than my grandmother, Helen. She was in hopice care for 11 days. Watching someone die slowly is so painful and emotionally it is really hard because I say goodbye so many times.

Some of my favorite memories of our last times with here are:

*Barclay rubbing her hand and singing Jesus loves YOU to her.

*Right before she went into a coma, she was in and out of conciousness and Sullivan cried and she woke up and said, "Is the baby here?" Then she proceeded with her usually ooos and ahhhs over him. Oh how I LOVE how she ooed and ahhed over my babies. She was blind for the past 10 years and just little things like their chubby little hands were such miracles to her!

*Holding her worn, weathered, wrinkly hands and thinking about how many people she loved and served with her hands.

*Making the slideshow for her funeral and seeing the nearly 100 years worth of pictures.

*Playing "It is well with my soul" on the violin at her funeral. I was crying and playing.

-I am having some real pregnancy symptoms...which is weird since I am not pregnant. I have taken a test, but I swear I am feeling exactly like I did last summer.

I think it is either my birth control (which will be coming out of my arm in a week if I don't feel better), or such the summer heat taking me back into the memories. I have thrown up and detest the thought of ice cream....which is weird for me.

-My hormones are going nuts too, because I feel like I'm dying of heat all the time. If I could take my skin off, I would.

-I'm really having to come to grips with how things are in this season of life. I pushed myself way too hard to do everything fun and all my work and all of everything last month and I realized that it's just not worth it. I started saying "no" to things, starting with missing the Mumford and Son's concert in Asheville last night that I was so looking forward to with my husband. This afforded me a night alone to go to bed early and do little things like laundry and replying to emails.

-Sullivan is THE CUTEST baby I have ever seen. He is HUGE...nearly 20 lbs at not even 4 months. He is wearing the same sized diaper as Barclay which makes things easy for me! He has outgrown all of the clothes Barclay wore the summer he was Sullivan's age...so I have to go get some at goodwill. He smiles and laughs all the time and is just so precious and sweet!

-Barclay is covered in bug bites, scrapes and bruises but he is loving being all boy this summer. I am in LOVE with him. The other night when I was sooo very sick feeling, we took turns rubbing each others backs and watched a movie. The whole time he was whispering, "I love you more mommy." He talks SO much and understands so much. His latest thing is he gets on his little bike and kisses me goodbye and says, "Goodbye! I'm gonnna go sell some houses. I'm gonna go help people." Which is what his daddy says to him every morning when he goes to work.

-Uggg I'm really having a battle inside of me about this birth control issue. God doesn't give a person more than they can handle right??

-I'm having a hard time not beating myself up about how much I fall short of my own expectations. I just am not able to be as good as I want to be at things.

-I am 1000 times grateful that we moved into town. Being near people and events and groceries stores has saved my sanity!

-I am doing weight watchers (I highly recommend the online version) and have lost 8 lbs. I really think I need to be on it my whole life, it works so well for keeping me (a completely un self-controlled person) accountable. I am totally able to have plenty of treats and snacks I just can't have everything I want.

-Noah and I are just beat at the end of the day, we are having to be SO much more intentional about spending time together and talking through issues. It's really hard because all I want to do is crash mindlessly in front of the television, but sometimes I just have to realize that our marriage affects everything and it is THE most important thing.

I am so so so so so behind:-(

Will I ever catch up?

Will I EVER not have to live life at the very last minute?

I had a very very very busy month. Last week was supposed to be my week to catch up and get things organized and finish so so so many things. But God had other plans and Noah's grandmother was in hospice all week, they said she could die at any time. It took 11 days. So we had a lot going on.

And now, this is my only free day all week...and Sullivan cried until 10:20 and Barclay started having a break down at 10:25. I swear, I feel like I'm drowning in all the things i need to/ want to do.