Coffee Porn

Oh Coffee.

I've been in a battle with myself for the past 6 or so months.  A battle to train myself to not feel entitled to drink coffee.

In an age with what I like to call, "coffee porn" at every single click or swipe of our digital portholes, drinking coffee is the cool thing to do for sure!  It's like there is an invisible thread connecting people all over the world with their daily cup.  

4 months ago, after trying and failing to get ands stay pregnant I decided to rid myself of my morning coffee drink.  Not only because of the fertility factors with the caffeine but because I tend to put a lot of cream and maple syrup in mine and I thought taking out regular calories from my diet would be beneficial.
Since then I've moved to about 1-2 coffees a week from about 1-2 a day.

When I first started NOT drinking coffee, I felt strangely so empty and I found myself several times a week feeling like there was a deep hole left that only coffee could fill...

exhibit a. My kids are being crazy, why don't I just jump in the car and go to drive through coffee while they are detained in their 5 point harnesses?:-)

exhibit b. I want to write in my journal so I need to go sip some coffee in that perfect coffee house environment to do it.

exhibit c. Talking about it with friends... how much we love it, the best kinds, how we can't function without it...

Coffee when instagramed in a messy situation (ie folding a ton of laundry or standing over new artwork drawn on the kitchen floor) gives the impression although my life is falling apart around me, I am calm and collected because I am holding my cup of coffee.

It makes cool situations even COOLER! (ie I'm grocery shopping by myself!  I think I'll just buy a coffee to enhance this experience all the more!)
cha ching! (that was a cash register for the coffee shop people)

Coffee carried in a mug in social situations gives me
a.something to do with my hands and
b.gives off an air of, "I am seriously a cool and confident person because I am holding this coffee mug."  I don't even know why!

When I picture my happy perfect self in my mind's eye, I am laughing with a long french braid down my back, a beautiful long twirly skirt and...a coffee cup!

I'm not saying that my hundreds of friends on fb or instagram shouldn't do this or that I think they're being posey or fake for it...I'm just saying that seriously several SEVERAL times a day I am tempted to do the same thing, and that my dear friends, costs me money and health!

Throughout my coffee hiatus, I've learned a lot.

Like:

-I can have wonderful times without having to pay for coffee.  Just appreciating the time I have.

-That my darling boys should be what gets me out of bed and excited for the day.

-That instead of feeling the need to spend money on coffee to make me feel like I'm having a good day, I should just have a good day!

Today in target on a blissful, childless trip, I had prepared myself (even though I haven't gotten Starbucks in over a year) that I would be tempted as soon as I walked in the door to indulge myself and feel like a super cool mom with my yoga outfit, sweaty hair and Starbucks in hand.  I was even picturing the cool instagram I would put up with my empty red cart and my hand clutching that special treat.  Right away I was greeted with a huge human sized poster of a super creamy coffeee....I kept walking but the whole time looking around at other cool people with their Starbucks I kept thinking about it.  Today, price not health, justified my decision to not partake.  However, minutes later I found myself in the produce section oogling over some raspberries.  They were 3.69 for a little carton.  I almost didn't buy them until I realized that in the past I wouldn't have blinked at spending that for a coffee drink so I decided to buy them, eat them all in one delicious sitting and instagram them instead of coffee.  Because walking around eating raspberries is pretty cool too;-)

Friends, this is not a way to univite myselves to coffee dates every once in a while, or to move my convictions over onto you, it simply is just that I feel I've finally broken free from the deep internal slavery to coffee and the people who sell it!  Also, I will most likely one day find myself capturing a moment involving coffee on instagram so don't make fun of me and refer me back to this post:-)