I've been meaning to blog...wanting to blog, but every time I click the "new post" button, and am staring at that blank white screen, all I want to write is, "I'm so freaking sick!"

And I'm pretty sure everyone...friends, family, neighbors, blog readers, EVERYONE would love it if I would just feel better and get on with my life. I would in fact like that myself.

It's been a really REALLY hard summer. Being this sick affects every single thing. I feel like friendships have been stretched and some have been shoved to the back burner. Because I just do not have the energy or the desire to do anything outside of the bare essentials.

I feel like a very uninvolved mother, as I lay on the couch calling out to Barclay to come back. Or watching sister after sister do all the things I want to be doing, but simply cannot.

I feel like a very selfish wife as I cannot cook dinner, shop, clean, even wake up sometimes I'm so sick.

BUT the good news is, I am 12 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I am carrying a precious little one inside of me. One that I've felt move already. And I KNOW it will be worth it.

I had a pretty scary, scare about a week ago. After a whole day of really bad stomach cramps, I was just editing photos and I heard a pop and was all of a sudden wet. I ran to the bathroom and was shocked to find that a mixture of water, mucus and blood everywhere. I thought my water had broken and I knew at 11 weeks, there wasn't anything they could do. I was so sure this pregnancy was over. After talking with my midwife, she said I was either going to miscarry again or that perhaps a cyst had ruptured. It's been a week and no more blood and lots more morning sickness...so I'm assuming I still have a healthy baby inside. And I'll take that any day over being sick.