Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Old House-New House

Tomorrow we are moving! I am so excited because it means we are closer to town and not "the people that everyone wants to visit but we live so far out in the boonies that they don't".

I am exhausted, ready to be in the place I will bring Sullivan home to, ready to nest in a place that matters! I am just ready to be out of the limbo stage.

As I am packing up the boxes, I can't help but feel a little sentimental about leaving this house. Even though it was not my favorite location, we have had SO many wonderful memories here!

I especially think about everything that has happened here as I take a bath in my WONDERFUL garden sized tub. I know it's weird but it's where I do all my thinking, crying, hoping....

I remember crying after many fights with Noah in there. When we moved in we were having a REALLY hard time getting my bipolar"ness" worked out. And now I feel like we have grown SO much in how we handle things. God has changed both of us to be more like him. It's exciting!

I remember dreaming, wishing, hoping, longing for a baby in there. I would lay back and look at my "flat" stomach and wish wish wish that this would be the month...

I remember laying in the water dreaming of our little one who we would name Barclay Thomas. All those quiet moments of wondering...

I remember laboring in the tub and thinking that I was DYING.

I remember bathing in the tub with a bunch of herbs the night I got home with Barclay from the hospital. Noah brought his tiny little body to me and I nursed him in the tub.

Then all the times I bathed Barclay with me. I rarely bath him by himself because it's so fun to take a bath anyways and I also felt more secure that I was hold him.

I remember starting to have quiet times of longing for baby number 2. Then the excitement for 11 weeks of expecting that little one...which we found out were probably twins.

I remember almost a week of baths where I didn't know if those babies would live...and the baths after the DandC when I felt so empty.

Then there was this new baby. Baby Sullivan...Oh how I LONGED for him in those quiet bath times after the DandC...and just a couple months later, we found out the exciting news that we were pregnant again.

So many times this year I have puked in the bathtub from horrible morning sickness, watched my belly grow and grow and grow, cried for the many deaths and hardships our loved ones have gone through, and hoped for our future.

Sorry this is such a sappy post, but I just had to get it out there before our internet is shut off and we dive head first into setting up house:-)


  1. It is never easy to leave a house no matter how much you want to! There are always so many memories, good and bad!

  2. I was going through your posts and reading. You have a powerful voice and I found myself tearing up, laughing, and remembering times when I felt "like that". Thank you for sharing your voice with others.

  3. I know exactly what you are going through. By the way I am a new reader, and I live in Oklahoma. I just love your blog and I cannot wait to read more from you. As a kid I had to move a lot and I had to leave behind old friends and try my best to make new ones (which was difficult for me). But i guess as an adult, you are sad about the different memories from what happened in that old house. On the bright side though, there is always that chance of making new memories in the new house. :) So hang in there and don't be too sad, because no matter where you live, you can always cherish the memories you make with your family.

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