Thursday, August 6, 2009

Is this normal?....

Today I have had such an ache for another baby. What is wrong with me? I have the sweetest baby right here that I cannot even keep up with.
I can't shake it though. It's that whole body ache that comes from so deep in my soul.
I think a lot of it has to do with several friends who were pregnant when I was...announcing they are pregnant again. And several close friends about to deliver their first.
I hate to say it, but I feel so jealous? Why? I have a baby. I LOVE him. I can barely keep my head on with just one, but it has been just tugging at my heart all day long.
Is this normal?

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Well...

Well, I did keep to my very small goals of
a.feeding my baby something other than milk
and
b.spray painting something
Yay!

I fed Barclay Yo Baby Yogurt tonight and he did not like it, but he did eat quite a bit and didn't throw it back up!

I decided to spray paint this cute little candle holder that I bought the Salvation Army a couple months ago for $1. I love all things organic looking and this looks like sticks bundled together. I've loved it but always had a hard time matching it to a room. I took it and put it next to my tub last week and noticed that is speckled spray painted with copper and silver...and it doesn't look too good close up....

Hard to see but it was just sort of blah...


So I spray painted it black.
Yay! It looks so good.

The little knot detail...

Yay! I REALLY love this candle holder now.

In other news...I am completely overwhelmed at being a mother. I know every mother feels like this at one time or another but I feel like I feel this way pretty much every second. I never feel like, "Yeah, I've got this...I'm in a groove." No, I literally feel like I'm on a crazy roller coaster and I'm hanging on for dear life. Don't get me wrong, it's the BEST ride of my life...it is just making it crazy!
I think part of this is that I am too busy with too much to do, and I'm just not organized...because I'm too busy...and the cycle contines.

I'm sort of mad at my mom for making it look so easy....


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

7 Days of Spray Paint and Baby Food

I have been SO inspired by reading blogs of all the things you can do with a can of spray paint! I have so many things this past month that I have purchased in hopes to spray paint one day. I am quickly realizing that these things are piling up and no spray painting has been done. So I thought I'd spray paint one small thing a day and post it. For seven days.

Something else I'm having a hard time with is feeding my baby! OK, I'm not starving him...obviously.


But I'm having an awfully hard time remembering to give him solid foods. I end up remember about 8 o'clock when he is too tired to do anything but nurse.

So...I thought I'd combine these two and do 7 days of spray paint and baby food...

I don't know if those two things have ever been in the same sentence before...

Be back later.

Friday, July 31, 2009

My Wedding

Today over at Kelly's Korner, everyone is showing their wedding flowers and bridal party. I was going to skip it, but after a rough day with the baby, I needed to take some time out and do something non baby, non work, non cleaning, non pressure related. So yay!


I got married to my handsome groom May 21, 2005. I was 19 years old and he was 24. The wedding was a whirlwind of drama. We both came from broken families and weddings bring those broken people together. It was really tough to plan, especially since there were so many people who didn't approve.
I really don't remember planning much.

My likes for the wedding:
Yellow and green
vintage garden feel
Noah

And I got it. I don't remember planning any of the details. In fact, I just hardly planned at all.

I woke up the morning of my wedding, fell down a flight of stairs with excitement (for real) then I realized that I had no decorations or idea of decorations for the reception hall, and a variety of other little details missing. I grabbed my Aunt Helen out of bed, she used left over cheese cloth and magnolia leaves. I shucked shrimp in my veil and loved it:-)

I loved my wedding because even though there was drama and unpleasantness, when the day came, everyone worked together to get it done.
My Aunt Nana made my dream wedding cake. My Aunts and Mom and sisters and wives of groomsmen decorated everything and cooked.

I had 550 people show up to my wedding and we (my family) cooked all the food. And there was a lot of it. We also picked flowers from my grandmother's garden, my mother's garden, the side of the highway and random people's yards (with permission of course). I loved that it wasn't matchy, that it was like an old fashioned wedding.

Simple.


We just basically decorated everywhere with whatever we had. This statue was in my childhood garden and I begged my Mother to bring it to the wedding. Isn't it beautiful?


Notice the mason jars of daisies lining the pathway, my mom did these at the very last minute and it was just the sweetest touch.

I really wanted to fill the space up behind us without using one huge arrangement. So I came up with this idea. We rented columns for very cheap and draped white cheese cloth and my aunts created those BEAUTIFUL arrangements with hydrangeas brought up by some of my Charleston aunts.
My grandfather, who did the ceremony, my handsome groom, and his best man/brother.


This is the whole wedding party.

Here are my bridesmaids. 3 younger sisters, my college friend Rebekah, my friend Meg from camp, and my cousin/best friend Kathrine who was my maid of honor. I also had my little sister Sarah Grace as my flower girl, along with two other cousin's little girls (only one made it down though).
I LOVED my bridesmaid dresses soooooo much! I think I was the only one though. My sisters call them the "lamp shade dresses" .
They were vintage looking, unique looking, YELLOW:-). They were brocade and it looked like beautiful ribbon layered. I got them from Nordstroms for $80. I remember calling them and freaking out because they were on sale, and I wanted to make sure I got the right sizes held for me.
I remember the salesman saying, "Honey, I don't think anyone WANTS these dresses!"
Well I loved them:-) And I think my girls looked like beautiful girls at a garden party.
I will say that this dress did appear in a MOVIE!
Diary of a Mad Black Woman... I don't know what that really means, but it's still cool right?!

As for the bridesmaid bouquets, I realized about an hour from the wedding that I had forgotten about the bridesmaid's bouquets! So we had a lot of daisies left over and someone made some up.


My flowers were the only ones we bought. They were yellow tulips. I loved them.

All in all, the day was truly about the most important thing, marrying the love of my life. I promise you, I love him a zillion times more now than I did that day 4 years ago.

Friday, July 24, 2009

My Wedding Dress

UPDATE:
I told my husband over breakfast that today at Kelly's we were showing wedding dresses. He said, "Crap! You can't fit in yours!" I laughed so hard.

Today over at Kelly's Korner, everyone is showing their wedding dresses. I thought I'd join in the fun!


M
May 25,2005

My wedding dress fit me like a glove. I went shopping for it several times with friends, and was about to buy a plain, strapless, unoriginal gown because i thought my dream of lace was too expensive.
But I went to one VERY VERY junky wedding shop with my mom. I almost didn't go in because it was so sketchy. We looked through the sales rack and found this jewel for $300 because it had been discontinued. Sad thing was, it was a 6 and I was a 10 because of my large chest. But I tried it on anyway and it fit perfectly because of the open back. I loved that I found my wedding dress with my mom and the fact that it was the one jewel in a room full of horrific 80s dresses:-)

I loved my dress, but most of all I loved getting married to Noah!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

A Little Setback

I feel like today I went through a small battle. I'm worn down and beat up.
Today was TERRIBLE.
Barclay started crying at about 4 am this morning and basically just stopped. And if he wasn't crying he was clawing and biting at my face, hands, nipples, whatever he could find.
Car rides didn't put him to sleep, crying it out didn't put him to sleep, walking fast with him in the front carrier didn't put him to sleep. I let him basically cry for 1 1/2 hours, with small breaks of check on him, and he only napped for 15 minutes after that.
He was so horse from crying so much tonight that when he breathed in he was weezing and making this awful noise.
I almost took him to the ER because it sounded like he was dry drowning or that his airways were closing up.
But, I have no trust in doctors anymore and no trust in myself.
He is now asleep, I've checked on him about 10 times and now I'm looking back over my day.
It was just really awful. I hate days like this.
Everything goes wrong. It rained, it poured. I was in and out of stores doing errands I've put off. I felt alone all day. I was rushed, what little housecleaning I did, seemed like it didn't even put a dent in things. I was rushed, I was hot, I didn't have time to shower, nothing I wanted to get done got done, nothing. I am just always in a rush, barley getting anything done. And everything just gets messed up while I try.
By the end of the day, I was just yelling over Barclay's screams begging him to be quiet. I hate that I did that. I know he can't help it but I was just so TIRED of having to listen to non stop crying. I know it's probably just a small relapse on the road to recovery for him, but it was rough. Yesterday was just such a good day. And the night before was pretty much better than I could have ever imagined. Only to get to today and go backwards again. Back into that dark woods that I thought I'd escaped.

I'm also really discouraged with my business I'm the kind of person that wants to be the best at what I do.
But more and more I feel smothered with how many phenominal photographers there are out there. They are constantly coming up with new ideas, new techniques. I feel stagnant. Although I get inspired so much by the people I work for, I'm never just itching to do buy the next product, or do what everyone else is doing. I'm realizing that maybe I am not cut out to compete for the whole rest of my life to be at the top of the pack. The all or nothing person in me, makes me think my only other option is to not do it anymore. But I just can't not do photography. I feel like everyone's already done it all. There is nothing new to be "created" in a photo.
I want to be better. I am getting better, but I'm also so tired, I don't feel like I have the energy to put into it.

I'm not going to lie, tonight I felt totally depressed. I just sat on the couch and cried while I watched emotional dancing on So You Think You Can Dance. I just felt sorry for myself.

I'm praying that tomorrow will be good, because I don't think I can handle another set back. God does know what I can handle though, and he promises never to go beyond that.

Nesting Gone Terribly WRONG

Well, I have something that I've been needing to work on for...I don't know...8 months?! Barclay's nursery is a royal mess and it keeps getting worse.
I was never one of those mom's who's nursery was pristine and waiting for the newborn. Nope. Mine was completely unfinished, messy, I didn't even have my cradle set up. That I had to do at 11pm at night the night we got home from the hospital. Not fun!
Unfortunately I was SICK for almost my whole pregnancy. I just had a little relief in months 7 and 8. So I never felt like cleaning...except...
I had my huge nesting stage over in KOREA! My husband and I went to visit my his brother who lives and works at a South Korean boarding school. I went at 7 1/2 months pregnant until 8 months pregnant. Let me tell you, his house was CLEAN, organized, shelves labeled, etc.
And when I got home, no nesting...
I started a new nesting phase about 1 month AFTER giving birth. Just when I didn't even have a spare hand to do it.
Anyhow, enough excuses. This is what the nursery looks like right now.

Yikes! It's horrible! I'm surprised I haven't killed myself going in there in the middle of the night!
I have to admit, the shelf that we set up, broke and that is why a lot of stuff is on the floor...but there still was a lot of stuff on the floor before that.

Yes, that is a blow out diaper from this morning. But I didn't have time, or make time to dispose of it properly since my diaper pail was full.

I really wanted to put these pictures up so that I can say, that I want to have this baby clean, organized and in working order in the next week! So look for pictures by next Wednesday, and if you don't see any...you can write me a condescending comment. Deal?


I have two questions for you moms out there:
1.I have recently started doing cloth diapers part time, and hope to do them mostly full time. If you do cloth diapers, how do you go about storing the dirty diapers until you wash them? I have a diaper pail for disposables, which I hope to be slowly but surly phasing out (but never completely), and I got another diaper pail at goodwill that I thought I could maybe store cloths till washing.
2.Do you have a good way of storing, sorting, clothes grown out of. I had a nice little Tupperware box, then I have two, and now I need three. Is this what you have to do till their 18? For other children that may come along?