Home Sweet Home

I feel like I've been traveling for a month! I've been here and there and my suitcase seems to always be in the living room waiting for me to wash the clothes and pack it right back up again.
I do looove to travel, but with a baby, it just seems like it takes 10 times as long to do everything.

I was so excited to be able to drive with my mom to visit my sister who lives in Jacksonville, NC. Her husband is gone for 9 months to Iraq and we wanted to keep her company. She didn't know I was coming and didn't know I was bringing Barclay (who she hadn't seen since he was 2 weeks old). My mom dropped Barclay and I off at the top of her street and I put him in the stroller. So mom, Sarah Grace and the boys went and saw Katie Beth, and right when they were going inside, I showed up! It was a great surprise.

I LOVE being with my sisters and Mom. For one thing, we laugh all the time, we have so much fun even if it's cleaning or doing projects, plus I really feel like there are other people like me. I see where I get so many of my quirks. It's so nice and comfortable.
I had the most relaxing time with everyone. I felt like I could be myself and we just talked and talked and talked and laughed and laughed and laughed and cried and cried and cried. WONDERFUl!

Near the end of our wonderful time, I started getting homesick! Not only for my husband but for our lives together. Because although I love getting together with my "older" family, I've started a family of my own! We have our little quirks together and I missed them. Noah has truly made my life better and together we have created a family. I don't think I've ever quite realized this before.

Noah called me when we were driving home and told me that he missed Barclay soooo much...and me. It was so cute!

Isn't it amazing how God blends two people together to create a family?

Heaven

I just got back from a VERY wonderful church service. I have to admit, since Barclay has been born, I have not been able to concentrate at church at all. I usually have to step out when the sermon starts because Barclay gets fussy and I'm not comfortable with leaving this fussy baby in the nursery yet. So I haven't felt fed with God's word lately.
We almost didn't go to church today. We had a wonderful time a friends party last night and didn't get home till after midnight. Barclay was fussy, I was tired, it was rainy, I didn't really get up till 10:15 (although I was just playing with Barclay in the bed, not sleeping). We have to leave before 10:30 to make it to church on time since we live in the boonies. Everything was against us going today but we both took a quick shower and made it to church just 10 minutes late.

Our sermon today was about something I've struggled with my whole life...Heaven. I felt the whole time that our pastor was just taking my thoughts and turning them into words. He opened with the sentence that most Christians think of Heaven as the only other alternative to Hell. Maybe it's not that great, but it's not burning for eternity.

My whole life I've been terrified of hell. I remember my sweet mother praying every single night that when I was ready I would ask Jesus to be my saviour. At 4 years old I did, then at 5 and 6 and about 10 times afterward. Mostly because I was scared of going to hell. I went to a lot of VBSs and camps. You know, the ones with the invitation. I'm not joking when I say that I went forward to be saved WAY more than once. Sometimes because I wasn't sure and sometimes because I thought if I went forward, the pianist would stop playing "Just as I am" and the preacher would feel like he did his job for the day, because one lost soul had been saved.
My doubt is another whole post in itself...

But I'm just saying, my fear of hell was a driving force in my coming to Jesus.
I come from a missionary family. Not my immediate family, but my mother's parents. I wanted so much to be a missionary and to be a witness for Jesus.
I remember one time while swimming at a pool, I scared the living daylights out of a little boy swimming there with my stories of hell. I also told him about what Jesus had done so he didn't have to go there. Then I paid him $1 to get saved. My family was so proud of me for leading someone to Christ at such a young age...and I didn't have the heart to tell them that I paid the poor guy.

Heaven has never sounded fun to me, definitely better than burning forever, but it always sounded so boring. I would hear of people exciting and longing for heaven and it just always baffled me. Why would I want to go and sing all day long? Why would I want to give up my hobbies, enjoyments, relationships here on earth to be in an ETERNAL state of worshiping? It just sounded awful to me! And I don't think I've ever really said that out loud. I felt like, no matter how bad things get here on earth, I would not want to trade it for eternal boredom.

Oh how my heart has been lifted today! Our pastor, Josiah, used the passage of 2 Corinthians 5:1-5


1Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, 3because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

He also used lots of examples of Jesus and his death and resurrection. I can't remember all the references, but this is what I got from it:

-We will have relationships. In fact the Lord is creating a new heaven and a new EARTH. It's going to be a perfect, without struggle, without pain, without war, without jealousy, without tiredness EARTH. I will be living an eternal life without the struggles of money, without the disspointments of government, without the sadness of loss.

-We are going to work and have hobbies and eat and drink together.

-We will be able to be creative in heaven. We will have the time, energy, resources to be creative! Being creative is something that keeps me ALIVE! What a joy to know that it wont stop, it will just get better!

This is the part that really warmed my heart:
-I am going to have a relationship with God that is so intimate. I am going to know everything about him, there will be no questions. There will not be a mystery or a struggle to know God because he will be right there knowing me!

Midway through the sermon my sweet husband took my fussy baby out in the hall to bounce around so that I could finish listening. I'm so thankful! Because I feel comforted and even...maybe a little excited about heaven now:-)

Because I'm not so good at explaing things, click HERE to download and listen to the sermon.

My Guest Room:-)

It's Friday again and I'm doing Kelly's Korner blog tour of homes. Today we are showing our guest rooms.

I've really enjoyed this blog tour for two reasons:
1.I get to look at all sorts of houses and get ideas.
2.It's really given me the incentive to take a little extra time and do the things that I've been meaning to do...one room at a time.

Of course, I always like to keep it real with a before photo. This room has been in limbo for the past 5-6months and today I finally felt like it's presentable.


My husband and I both work out of the home so we are constantly finding the right place for the home office. We've moved it three times in the past 6 months and since we've had the baby we've decided this room is the only room that will work for it. So we had all sorts of papers, books, gift wrapping from all the wonderful baby gifts we've received (and I've yet to write thank you notes for!). Also, since my husband snores and I cannot reach a deep sleep because I'm listening out for the baby, this room has been my room for the past two weeks. The nursery is right next door AND I've gotten some snore-less sleep. I'm moving back into my room tonight though.

This room used to be mushroom brown (a lighter brown) and it used to be my least favorite room. It had no pop to it. We decided we wanted to paint it darker, and my husband took it upon himself to make it his project. Plus I was pregnant and could't paint because of the fumes. Well, let's just say, he never finished and after the baby came I had to enlist the help of friends. (Thanks Cat and Mom!). It is now complete and I LOVE it!


Here is after I cleaned for just an hour!

The bed with my miracle quilt on it.

Story of the Miracle Quilt: (long story, but totally worth it!)
I was 9 months pregnant and on a budget for some last minute things before the baby arrived. I was feeling anxious about fitting everything in the budget, and also anxious about a lot of unfinished projects around the house. I went to Greenville, SC to get the shopping done. One place I visited was TJ Max. I looked around at their baby things and didn't find anything in particular. I did find THE QUILT that I wanted so badly for our guest room. In the past we've just used old blankets and I've always wanted to buy bedding for it. I loved this beautiful green and white toil quilt and it was a pretty good price...$40. But...I knew I just couldn't because I was buying so many other odds and end for the baby and post pardum care. So I left. I was exhausted, cranky, sad, discouraged...from all my shopping and decided to cheer myself up with a quick trip to the 99 cent a pound Goodwill (which I LOVE love love). Maybe I was just too tired, or maybe it was a bad day, but I was finding nothing. I found a couple burp clothes and a onezie and was standing in line to purchase them. Usually I come out with 10 or so pounds of pure gold. I was even more discouraged when I saw a tag sticking up out of one of the many bins of clothes. I find what it was attached to...a really ugly brown jacket. The ticket said TJ Max so I decided to buy it. I could give it as a gift or maybe take it back and get $5 or so of store credit. I decided the jacket was just too ugly to give so I decided to give it a try. Outside of TJ Max, I shook out the jacket, trying to rid it of some cat hair and braced myself to hear that it was so old that they didn't have it in the system anymore. I took it in and told them I wanted to return it for store credit. I was shocked beyond all belief when the lady said, that will be $45 on your store credit today. WHAT?!?! I was so shocked I could hardly breathe! So guess what I bought? The quilt! And the credit totally covered it. By the way the jacket cost less than 50 cents. I just think it was God giving me a little boost in my last month of pregnancy. I cried and praised the Lord the whole ride home!

I love my "G" pillow. I love monogrammed things and this is one of the only things I have that is monogrammed. I love our iron wreath that I bought while working at Pier 1 a couple years ago.


Our computer where we both work with some pregnancy pictures and an oil painting my mother in law gave us.


A view of the whole room.


The side table with fun books for guests to read, and of course some pictures of Barclay! I moved this from our room because it matches better in here.

One of my favorite paintings I've ever done from college. It looks better in person. It's a landscape of a flower field. I painted it in a flower field...and there are even little bugs in the paint!


Our bookshelf, which I hope to paint white someday. My three little owls (I love owls!) and my iron key.

Wedding scrapbooks and an iron candle holder. I love that willow tree angel that a sweet friend gave me.


Another picture of Barclay and a cool bottle we got for our wedding.


Picture of my sweet friend Reba on her wedding day.


Inside my closet. I've covered the doors with magazine inspirations for my photo shoots since I'm a photographer.

Fun pictures!


I'm so blessed to have a guest room! I am totally into hosting people and having a guest room makes that so much easier on me. I've lived in 7 other houses since I've been married, and this is the first place that I've had a place they where I don't have to pull out a couch or pull out mattresses from the closet.

I hope you enjoyed this little tour of my guest room.

Mother's Day

Just a few things I love about my mother:

-I am so thankful that my mother taught me to love learning! She home schooled me from the time I was 3 until 9th grade. Not only did she teach me facts, she instilled in me an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. I remember as a child being so addicted to learning that I would "research" for three hours any subject of my choice. Then I would tell Mom all about what I learned and she would listen and listen and listen.
She brought learning to life! Whatever we were studying, we did ourselves. We studied American Indians and so we roasted corn, made clothes from different tribes, and slept in tents. When we learned about the royal court, we set up a banquet in our house complete with ladies in waiting, a jester (me of course!), and food prepared from old recepies.
She read to us endlessly. I remember laying in bed with her and all my sisters piled on top of eachother and listening as my mother read heartwrenching stories from real people. Sometimes we would read for four hours because we were all so enthralled by the stories. I remember my mother weep as her heart was touched by a certain part of the story. Her heart was so tender.


-Even though she has so many children, I feel like she KNOWS each one of us so personally. She knows our love language, what makes us happy, what we love to do, what makes us sad. She knows us so well and she loves us so well. She loves us in our own personal way. I never felt like a number or part of a group. She has always taken time to single me out and spend special time with me to find out what's going on in my heart. I'm so thankful for this!

-She has taught me how to be warm and inviting. Growing up, I watched my mother be warm and inviting to EVERYONE every time they came to our home. Whether that was a barn, a trailer or her dream cabin. She made it comfortable and open. It is always a place for stories and laughter. I've watched her welcome people who weren't lovable into her home, people that weren't accepted. I've watched her love on people who had no one else, like our many elderly neighbors. She always has an open home. And even at a moments notice, she can be prepared to serve a meal to ten people from what she has in her kitchen. I want to be like her so much! And I find it already is my nature to be this way, because I had such a good example growing up!

-She sacrificed so that I could be creative. My grandparents always gave my mom money to do nice things for herself. She never used it for herself. She would pay for violin or ballet lessons with it instead. I remeber one time, I had the best violin teacher in the whole town and I was learning so much. Lessons were so expensive and we didn't have the money for them anymore. So Mom would weed my teachers garden once a month for a couple hours and we got free lessons. She always found a way for me to do what I felt passionate about. She has always believed in me and encouraged me in my talents.

Thank you for everything you've done for your children Mommy! You are the best mom in the world!

And the result is...

I headed down to my childhood hometown of Charleston this weekend to do some photography. It was a wonderful weekend, but also exhausting.

Just before you freak out, this test was negative.

The reason for this test was a pretty awful experience. I was photographing an engagment party and had already done a photo shoot that morning on the beach. I started getting a headache and feeling horrible! I kept photographing and kept smiling but I thought I was going to die my head hurt so badly!

When I had finished, I headed out and started crying on the way to the car. Not only was I sick, but I had a baby to take care of when I finally got to my car and drove to my Grandparent's house.

It gets worse...I'm crying and trying not to puke and when I get to the parking teller, I find out that the parking wasn't free and that I owed $5. I only had $1.50 and they didn't take credit card. I just started bawling and asked what they did with people who didn't pay. I guess the penalty wasn't so bad, but I had go back in the garage, and then walk two blocks to an ATM. I was crying and swaying...I'm sure people who saw me would think I was drunk. I finally made it without vomiting or getting raped and headed out.

Why when you want to get somewhere does every light turn red? And why when you want/need to puke, does every light turn green right when you pull up to it?

I was so sick and made it to a restaurant where my husband, baby, sister, and friends were eating. I grabbed the baby and my sister and some IB profen which was in my diaper bag there. Julianna drove me and the baby back to the house. Of course we pulled over several times, just prolonging when I could take a shower. And of course when we were on the connector bridge with no way to pull over, I puke and puke and puke and puke into my new dress (thank goodness it was long!...and very thick)

My sweet sister cleaned me up, took care of the baby and I just screamed and sobbed in a piping hot bath. I was sick for about 10 hours and then finally felt better.

Of course, with my past pregnancy I wonder...am I pregant? Surely not.

But of course throughout the day yesterday I kept hyping it up in my head and all the sudden had all the symptoms. By the time we pulled into our hometown in NC I was convinced and had already thought of baby names and who was going to take care of Barclay while I was sick for another 10 months.

I must say. I love babies. I want to have lots of babies. But I also don't like being so sick, especially when Barclay's at such a sweet age! That bought of sickness reminded me of how awful last summer/fall was. I was terrified.

So I went to our Ingles and was the last person they let in before they closed at midnight. A sign I thought! I was totally in la la land. I got the only pregnancy test they sold there and headed to the only cash register open, manned by a teenage boy. He was so sweet and asked me if I hoped it was yes or no. I said, I guess I will be happy either way, but I think I'd a be a little overwhelmed if it was yes because I have a fussy 3 month old right now.

I took it as soon as I got home and was happy to see the negative sign on it. Noah's response when I told him it was negative...

"Awwww:-("

Interesting...

This was such a stark contrast to this time last year when all I wanted and prayed for was a positive result. I remember being devastated every time the test said negative.

So that was the drama of the last few days. Ending with me being very happy to have a few months with just me a Barclay, hopefully a year or so with just us.

But I do love babies...

The Weight in my Arms

This weekend I wrote some poems for me little boy...I know I'm so mushy!:-) I don't think I'm a great poet or anything...but this poem describes exactly how I feel. Even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else...

Oh weight in my heart...Oh weight in my heart...
A pulling. A tugging from the depths of my soul
The tears that have drenched my aching arms
A need so indescribable that no words are found
Oh weight in my heart...

Oh weight in my womb...Oh weight in my womb...
A tiny foot pressed into my hand, so I know you are there.
A flutter of love that I cannot see
A connection so close it feels like a secret
The warmth of my love surrounding you safe
Oh weight in my womb...

Oh weight in my arms...Oh weight in my arms!
A breeze of milky sighs kiss at my neck
The rise and fall of a belly so full
The flicker of an eye lash, the smile in your dreams
The smell of your head and the gentle back and forth of your hand on my chest
Oh weight in my arms...

My Living Room :-)

Last Friday I put up pictures of my kitchen as part of a fun House Tour hosted by Kelly's Korner.

Today we are all posting pictures of our living rooms! I am seriously like a kid in a candy shop excited to view all the other living rooms.

OK. Reality. My living room looked like this morning...I know it's awful!

I guess that's why they call them LIVING rooms...because you LIVE in them. But maybe, I've lived too much and not cleaned enough.

My poor husband says we need to hire someone once in a while. I don't know what it is about me, I think most women would jump at the chance, but I am just too proud. I feel like, my mother did it, why am I not able to keep a clean house most of the time? Sigh. I feel like my essence as a wife and mother would be stripped away. I don't think we need a maid, I think we need another one of me.
One to be creative, take care of the baby, work, cook, all the fun stuff.
And one to clean all the time.


Well, I decided that although it will be messy probably in a couple minutes, I might as well take this opportunity to clean up our living room and see what it's potential is:-)

In this process of cleaning up, I found:
the valve to my breast pump, my passport, $4.58, and a hundred other things.

It took me a long to clean and it is now almost midnight and my baby has been sleeping since 8. This was probably not the wisest of decisions, but I think I might sleep better (the five hours I might get to sleep)

A view of the whole thing. Sort of bare, I'm noticing. I need to get on that! I have a closet full of stuff I need to find a place for, but I also want to keep it simple.



Our leather couch which we saved up for and LOVE. It's wonderful because today I took a wet rag and washed off A LOT of breast milk, spit up and food. Very easy to clean up.

That orange couch has followed me my whole life. I had it in the house when I was a child, took it to college, moved it into my first home when I got married (along with a mattress and two lime green bean bags), and I recently did a lot of sweet photos of my newborn laying on it.

The coffee table was made by a father of the bride I photographed. He owns a saw mill and we bought it for $40. It's wonderful!


Four black and white photos I love. Sadly, they are sort of wrinkling in the frames. Can you iron pictures?



A little closer look.


View from the kitchen with some of my favorite photos I've recently framed.



Another view from the kitchen with the rocker my mother in law breastfed my husband in. Unfortunately, I'm too short to really nurse in it, my legs dangle:-(


Our TV stand, which is never really closed. I love the blanket basket to the left. Very practical.




The two prints to the left are from a thrift store. I love those two pictures I took on the TV stand. I love this little corner. The colors blend well. I'm a fan of decorating with sticks too. Cheap!

Our red chair we love and some really pretty old wood squares I got at Marshalls a long time ago.

This is my music corner. I am a violinist and teach violin lessons. So my stand and violin are always out.



My bridal portrait taken by my friend Davey on the side of a highway. A picture of my sweet baby Barclay. A little willow tree angel my husband gave me for Christmas (my favorite gift he's ever given me), and two special pieces of pottery done by friends.

I have already posted a few of the following pictures because it was a recent project of mine, but if you've seen them, ignore them...I just wanted to include my whole living room for those who have not read my blog before.

I love this little space. That is the infamous CHICKEN PAINTING that we have been carting around for four years. My sweet brother in law got it for our wedding and we love it but it is really hard to hang up because it is on ply wood and doesn't take screws. So we finally decided to lean it up against the wall. I LOVE it. I have decorated several rooms with black and white pictures of our family and friends. This brings color, warmth and LIFE to the room and I LOVE it!

The dress I got on the streets of DC for $20, although getting it home was a different story...Thanks Cat! I think it is so weathered and vintage. It is naturally weathered since it was left out in the rain for two days. Don't recommend it though:-)

Here's what's on top. I got that statue of a little girl at a thrift store for $3. One of my favorite finds EVER. It has pictures of family and that little sewing basket my mom got me for Christmas. I use it, but it's also pretty to look at. And the orchid was given to us when Barclay was born by our friends Dan and Monique. This space is just so happy! I love it!

That is one of my favorite pictures of Barclay to the right. So curious. I painted the painting on top of that. Noah doesn't like it much but it means a lot to me. It's a picture of a girl leaning over crying and next to her is a jar of tears.
It just came out of me in my darkest of darkest times. It's simple but it speaks volumes to me. It is based off of the verse from Psalms 56:8 "You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?"


Whew! I need to go to bed! I hope you enjoyed a little tour of my living room!